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The story of my son, hard to write.
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<blockquote data-quote="MissJuneBug" data-source="post: 710625" data-attributes="member: 21628"><p>Speaking from experience, it sounds like your son is plying himself with weed, alcohol, misusing his prescriptions AND playing Xbox non-stop in an attempt to numb his emotional pain. I've watched my 25 year old son do the same thing and we've been going through a similar scenario for the last 4 months and on and off for last 3 years. What I'm about to say is simply from my own experience and may or may not apply to your situation:</p><p></p><p>Not sure if it's going to work for us but here's our plan:</p><p></p><p>1) he's required to see his therapist weekly and psychiatrist monthly (doing that already)</p><p></p><p>2) prescription medications go in the safe. He can have one week's worth at a time (he would also take higher than prescribed doses). We are already doing that and I see a positive change in him when he's not taking too much and then running out early.</p><p></p><p>3) in order to continue to live here, he <strong>must</strong> be in an Intensive Outpatient Program that meets 3 1/2 days per week. He's suppose to be enrolling this week but not sure if he's done so. This is been the biggest hurdle with him and he has been told it is now non-negotiable.</p><p></p><p>4) we cut off his cellphone and access to wifi at times to motivate him to take positive actions ( and, yes, he will just stay in bed and sleep. So be it.) We will cut it off long-term if necessary.</p><p></p><p>5) bathing has been an issue. When he gets too smelly to be around, I insist he showers. Surprisingly he showered two days in a row this weekend. Yea!</p><p></p><p>6) he gets no money from us except we pay for his medications (already doing this)</p><p></p><p>Depression and anxiety is real and can be very debilitating for some people. Excess sleep and not bathing are prime symptoms. However, using weed, alcohol, etc. negates the positive effects of prescription medications. And weed zaps one's motivation and energy levels. medications can help but not if they are being cancelled out by other substances. Also, the upper and downer cycle of weed, alcohol, stimulants can lead to mood swings and more anxiety and depression. </p><p></p><p>You said he's been in psychiatric hospital 3 times. Did they know he was misusing substances? Sometimes people need to be in a dual diagnosis program that covers mental illness and substance abuse. It's difficult to treat one without the other and see permanent results.</p><p></p><p>If his mental illness is serious enough, he should be able to get disability income. If not, then he needs some firm boundaries in order to live in your home. My son reacts very immaturely at times. But I have learned not to buy into his manipulation. If your son pushes the dresser in front of his door. DO NOTHING. Don't even mention it. Otherwise, he is receiving reinforcement for his behavior and according to my therapist when people are trying to manipulate you, the attention you give them can be positive or negative - it doesn't matter to the manipulator as long as they get attention and their way. So only reinforcement positive behavior.</p><p></p><p>I never want to kick my son out. But I also know we have taught him everything we can about being independent and responsible and now it's time for him to put it into practice. He can stay here if and only if he is taking positive steps toward independence. That includes working or being in a time intensive behavioral program and taking the last one credit hour online class he needs to graduate with his bachelors degree. I figure if my son can't do these minimal things because of the anxiety and depression, then he needs more intense treatment than a weekly therapy session and a monthly visit to a psychiatrist. His therapist agrees. Other than enforcing these rules, there is really nothing else my husband and I can do. As someone said in an earlier post, even in hospitals, group homes and shelters people are expected to get up and participate. Inactivity, in itself, can lead to or exacerbate depression. </p><p></p><p>It's so, so hard and I totally get the need for peace sometimes. This is a marathon, not a sprint, so do what you have to do to keep yourself going, even if it means taking a break from the chaos for a bit.</p><p></p><p>And bless you for taking care of your grandson. It's hard to take on that responsibility after we have already raised our kids but the little ones need stability in their lives more than anything and it sounds like you are providing that for your grandson.</p><p></p><p>Hugs, June</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MissJuneBug, post: 710625, member: 21628"] Speaking from experience, it sounds like your son is plying himself with weed, alcohol, misusing his prescriptions AND playing Xbox non-stop in an attempt to numb his emotional pain. I've watched my 25 year old son do the same thing and we've been going through a similar scenario for the last 4 months and on and off for last 3 years. What I'm about to say is simply from my own experience and may or may not apply to your situation: Not sure if it's going to work for us but here's our plan: 1) he's required to see his therapist weekly and psychiatrist monthly (doing that already) 2) prescription medications go in the safe. He can have one week's worth at a time (he would also take higher than prescribed doses). We are already doing that and I see a positive change in him when he's not taking too much and then running out early. 3) in order to continue to live here, he [B]must[/B] be in an Intensive Outpatient Program that meets 3 1/2 days per week. He's suppose to be enrolling this week but not sure if he's done so. This is been the biggest hurdle with him and he has been told it is now non-negotiable. 4) we cut off his cellphone and access to wifi at times to motivate him to take positive actions ( and, yes, he will just stay in bed and sleep. So be it.) We will cut it off long-term if necessary. 5) bathing has been an issue. When he gets too smelly to be around, I insist he showers. Surprisingly he showered two days in a row this weekend. Yea! 6) he gets no money from us except we pay for his medications (already doing this) Depression and anxiety is real and can be very debilitating for some people. Excess sleep and not bathing are prime symptoms. However, using weed, alcohol, etc. negates the positive effects of prescription medications. And weed zaps one's motivation and energy levels. medications can help but not if they are being cancelled out by other substances. Also, the upper and downer cycle of weed, alcohol, stimulants can lead to mood swings and more anxiety and depression. You said he's been in psychiatric hospital 3 times. Did they know he was misusing substances? Sometimes people need to be in a dual diagnosis program that covers mental illness and substance abuse. It's difficult to treat one without the other and see permanent results. If his mental illness is serious enough, he should be able to get disability income. If not, then he needs some firm boundaries in order to live in your home. My son reacts very immaturely at times. But I have learned not to buy into his manipulation. If your son pushes the dresser in front of his door. DO NOTHING. Don't even mention it. Otherwise, he is receiving reinforcement for his behavior and according to my therapist when people are trying to manipulate you, the attention you give them can be positive or negative - it doesn't matter to the manipulator as long as they get attention and their way. So only reinforcement positive behavior. I never want to kick my son out. But I also know we have taught him everything we can about being independent and responsible and now it's time for him to put it into practice. He can stay here if and only if he is taking positive steps toward independence. That includes working or being in a time intensive behavioral program and taking the last one credit hour online class he needs to graduate with his bachelors degree. I figure if my son can't do these minimal things because of the anxiety and depression, then he needs more intense treatment than a weekly therapy session and a monthly visit to a psychiatrist. His therapist agrees. Other than enforcing these rules, there is really nothing else my husband and I can do. As someone said in an earlier post, even in hospitals, group homes and shelters people are expected to get up and participate. Inactivity, in itself, can lead to or exacerbate depression. It's so, so hard and I totally get the need for peace sometimes. This is a marathon, not a sprint, so do what you have to do to keep yourself going, even if it means taking a break from the chaos for a bit. And bless you for taking care of your grandson. It's hard to take on that responsibility after we have already raised our kids but the little ones need stability in their lives more than anything and it sounds like you are providing that for your grandson. Hugs, June [/QUOTE]
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