The struggle is real

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by T Rene', Dec 30, 2016.

  1. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    Well I open my store at 7:00 am everyday... cringing every morning.. This morning My Son shows up High as hell ... wanting storage key ... I didnt have it . It is at home on my table ... So he wants my house key to get it ... NO he will pilfer thru everythg at my house So I wait until I get off to let him in my storage because he does have thgs in there also . Not to my surprise He goes thru everythg in there ! ... Omgosh.... the life Im dealing with at this point is way beyond imagination.... I dont want to stop talking to My Only Son .. but OMG !!! I am feeling very unhealthy anymore... My heart races , my BiPolar (BP) rises ... I NEVER SAY OR DO THE Right THG ANYMORE... I AM ON THE VERGE OF GIVING UP !!!!
     
  2. worried sick mother

    worried sick mother Active Member

    So you found out your gut instinct was right that he is using again? I'm sorry. I don't think you should stop talking to your son, just set some healthy boundaries. I just disconnected my son off my phone service, I haven't posted in a long time but if you remember any of my post this is one thing I thought I could never do even though everyone was telling me to. He was using a phone I paid for to contact drug dealers. I also just didn't allow him to come to Christmas at my house. I love my son more than life itself and I've never been away from him on Christmas, this was one of the hardest thing I've ever had to do but I have to protect my younger children. I still message him everyday and tell him how much I love him. It's hard and I'm heartbroken as I know you are too but we can't let them take us down with them or we're no good for anyone including them.
     
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  3. PiscesMom

    PiscesMom Member

    Learn to say No with love. I know its not easy, feels icky. (You don't have to stop talking to him!) Hugs!!
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry. This is beyond horrid.

    Do you do anything nice for yourself? Are you in therapy or AL Anon?

    If they don't or can't change then we need to change or we get sick in every way and ruin our own lives. Many of us learned how to deal with a troubled adult kid. It is your choice whether or not to try to make your life better. That is the only life you have control over. You can not control or change your son. If you don't help yourself what example do you set for him? And are you content feeling the way that you do? Only you can take steps to improve your own life.

    Many of us are happy even though we have an adult child who still struggles. It is possible.
     
  5. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    Yes I do remember.. I know I shld do the same .. as I pay for my sons phone as well & yes as bad as I want to believe he is not using... I cld tell that he was .. & he told me who he had seen...& I knew Thats a person who has already admitted to me that is wat hes doing ! Thank you ... & more prayers appreciated
     
  6. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    I just work all the time & Im a very nervous person:(( I dont have any thg That interest me because I stay so stressed out ... I try but Im not ok right now ... I do not want to go back to therapy but I may have to ! My son has always caused so many problems... but still I luv him ... thanx for your time for real
     
  7. tishthedish

    tishthedish Active Member

    There was a time when I was immobilized with sorrow and fear and worry about my sons. There is nothing you can do about his situation, but you can do something about yours. The thing that displaced those negatives for me was Al-anon. It gave me something positive to do and focus on...me. I am a better mom, wife, sister, friend and person for it. Please consider it and try several different meetings to find one that fits you. It still hurts, but it hurts less and the pain is interspersed with happy moments. It took a long time for me to remember that I was a fully formed person with loves, hobbies, faith and interests before I had kids. You were too. It's time to bring her into the light. I will keep you and your son in my prayers.
     
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  8. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    Thank you We certainly need them ... the only problem with al-anon here is we dont have any Only AA's .. NA's have to go to AA's here Very small town:( but I will consider somethg to help I appreciate you
     
  9. tishthedish

    tishthedish Active Member

    There are many online meetings and telephone meetings. Go to the Al-Anon website and you will find info. If not, message me and I will get information from my sponsor.
     
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  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Getting help for yourself is a good example for your son. If you refuse therapy, why should he get therapy/rehab? If you dont change...why should he?
     
  11. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    O
    ohh I have never refused Therapy... I have been over him before .. he has also been ... theres just not Al-anon type thgs here only Theeapist
     
  12. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    Thank you I had No idea ... I will do
     
  13. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    T Rene:

    Sorry for your struggles. I am struggling too as I think most of us here are.

    Will pray for your and your son. We are here for you!
     
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  14. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    ]Tish. I did not realize that there were online and telephone meetings. I have for years meant to go to a meeting, but cannot get myself physically to go. I will check the website now.
    Tess. You are speaking straight to me.

    I feel like I have lost myself. That I am gone. All of the things that I have done and achieved, have melted down to leave me here alone, and what is left is a shell of a person, and the shell is broken, too.

    I have abandoned myself, it seems.

    It takes a decision to get myself back. Reading your post gives me hope that I can do this. Thank you, Tish. I will go look at the website.
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2017
  15. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Hi Tish.

    I just looked. I have a questions: The online meeting are by email? How does this work? It is not like a Forum, where you can talk to everybody? How do you know which meeting to join, for a newcomer?

    Have you participated online? Did you ever do it by phone?

    Has anybody? What was it like?
     
  16. tishthedish

    tishthedish Active Member

    Hi Copa,
    I have done it by phone. When I did it, here is how it worked. You dial the number and then there is a code that you will be prompted to put in. (It is listed right with the phone number) They will have a leader and then to speak you have to press a number (#6 for instance) and the entire group will be able to hear you. You then press it again to have your phone silenced and others respond to you. It sounds awkward, but it works. I used it at night when I don't like to go out as the meetings then are in another county and too late for me.

    I have the 3 Al-anon daily readers and read them every morning. Sometimes if I miss a morning and read it at night I kick myself because there might have been a situation I would have reacted differently to if I had seen the reading. I also look at their indexes and will pick out a topic that's eating me....resentment, worry, fear and will read on that topic. It helps bring me down off the ledge. Another book that has been particularly helpful has been Opening our Hearts/Transforming our Losses. Very good for people in our situation. All of these are available on the Al-Anon website and some are on Amazon.

    I am sorry you are struggling. Recovery for parents in our situation is ongoing and certainly in no way resembles a straight line. This is something my Al-Anon sponsor gave me when I was in the depths and was really struggling. God is my higher power so it applies to me in its current form, but you could easily substitute gratitude, love, spiritually, nature. I hope it helps you. Here it is.

    "Be on guard against the pit of self-pity. When you are weary or unwell, this demonic trap is the greatest danger you face. Don't even go near the edge of the pit. Its edges crumble easily, and before you know it, you are on the way down. It is ever so much harder to get out of the pit than to keep a safe distance from it. That is why I tell you to be on guard.
    There are several ways to protect yourself from self-pity. When you are occupied with praising and thanking Me, it is impossible to feel sorry for yourself. Also, the closer you live to me, the more distance there is between you and the pit. Live in the Light of My Presence by fixing your eyes on Me. Then you will be able to run with endurance the race that is set before you, without stumbling or falling."

    It jars me back on track because of the self-pity part. I have it on my nightstand. It's a good tool for me. Another thing I have been doing since my grandson has returned home is before I do anything...turn on my computer, go to the grocery store, do laundry, I make myself do 2 things FOR MYSELF. My readings can count as one. Working out can be one. Taking my dogs for a walk, another. Phoning a friend, another. It's hard for me to do it, but it has helped. Let's keep talking Copa. I am pulling for you and hope I can help you the way you have helped and supported me so much in the past. I'll check out the online meetings and see what I can figure out or will ask my sponsor on Tuesday. xoxoxo