The time bomb went off again today.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by klmno, Feb 23, 2011.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Boss that is. I am SOOOOO tired of him treating me like I'm his whipping boy and getting mad at a sec's notice for no good reason then spewing insults and belittling statements toward me and twisting what I said and did beyond belief to justify it.

    I know it's temporary- it's the only thing keeping me being able to tolerate it at all. I don't know if things will even hold out the 2-3 mos to find out if this clearance app goes thru- tension is so abundant- but if it does, things will change then one way or another. If mine doesn't go thru, I'll be facing unemployment again. If it does, I'll be more in a position to get a job- a better one- and you're darn right I'll be bombarding people to get one! LOL!!

    And we were asked to fill out an anonymous survey for the client themselves yesterday afternoon- not just us contract employees but about 200 people that are in the client's agency, work directly for them, plus people contracted out to them. It was only online and handled in a way where only the 3 upper people in the agency could ever see it. No names were attached but it asked enough questions that I would be the only one who could have met my description out of those people (gender, race, age group, position). After some questions about whether or not we've seen any discrimination of various types and if we think all around us are meeting overall objectives and so forth, it asked a series of questions about our individual supervisor. Answering hinestly of course, mine didn't exactly get glowing results from me.

    Coincidental or not, in the 4 mos I've been there this is the first day I've seen the head person from the agency walk by and speak to my boss. The head person walked by three times after the third in charge came by and the last time, was acoompanied by the second in charge as well. They told him they'd love to learn more about this place he owns in town and said something to the effect that they might be stopping by sometime to talk more to him about it.

    Then I remembered that when I was in the military, we occasionally got "surveys" like that and they weren't always just ignored and tossed aside. People sometimes get interviewed very privately, until the situation was remedied- one way or another. This might just have been coincidence though.

    All I know is there is a feeling that something's about to give, or break one, in the air.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh I would love to be a fly on the wall when he gets "rectified"...!
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I ditto that.
    And klmno, have you thought about recording this guy when he goes on his rants?
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I can't really record him unless I bought some super small gadget to keep in my pocket that could be turned on easily but going after a clearance right now, that might not be a good idea. The day will come- I don't know how or when and I'm sure it wouldn't be a growth step for me but the day will come, somehow. There are a lot of things I won't post here about details and inappropriate stuff by that entire company that makes my skin crawl but it would not be appropriate to air it all publicly before that day comes, in my humble opinion. And given how my life has gone in the past- the day might come for people who deserve it but it might be years later and way after I care too much. LOL! Given that I work for this company, I guess I'll end up unemployed either way. I swear- I have tried to get along with Boss because I thought he must be as close to an angel as I'd ever had to call me, interview me, and hire me when I knew I was 1 inch away from homelessness. I WANT to get along with him. But he's NUTS!

    One of the ladies that works there, but not for boss, came by joking around with everyone yesterday saying we were all just too noisy- it was a joke because we all we quietly caught up in computer work. Boss told her she was the noisy one, she joked and said she might have to come back there and beat him (ok- she-s in her 60's and not built to beat up anyone even if she had the personality and he's over 6' tall, medium build and probably around 40 with a pent up rage)- he responds with "oh, just like my father did- are you going to bring a belt too- are you going to be just like my father and bring a thorned belt to beat me with?". Poor woman just stood there and dropped her jaw. Yeah- I get it- he had issues as a child- but he's a full-blown nut-case difficult child now and he's not a child anymore and I'm not the person that can make up for it by being his whipping boy and no, I can't talk to him about therapy. I slightly suggested today that he think about all the facts before making a final determination about this particular thing even though I'd do whatever he decided and that turned into "you think you know everything, you have been here 4 months and you think you klnow more than me and you haven't done anything except walk in here like you own the place since you were hired". Really- (not that I dared say that) but I went in there shaking and smiling just because I was so grateful to have a flipping job.

    I had my issues as a child and young adult and with difficult child, too, but even with PTSD (which I really don't think this is what is going on with boss), I didn't treat people like trash. There's a difference between suddenly feeling fear and reacting after being startled after experiences like that and lashing out against anyone and everyone when there's no perceived threat.
  6. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    That is one thing I really love about my company. They always send out surverys and I have seen a LOT of my suggestions implemented. Hope this turns around for you!! Nothing worse than working for some one you can't stand.
  7. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    klmno, does he exhibit this behavior when his superiors are around? If they've never seen/heard this, they need to. Most cell phones can at least record audio. He needs to be replaced with someone who can do the job properly without berating his underlings.
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Oh Lord no! He goes off about people working for him but he lies- yes, I know for a fact because I was sitting right there when he spoke to another employee then lied about how the conversation transpired so that the higher ups see him as a victim or putting up with abusive behavior from people who are subordinate to him. And the person in charge of him in the specific company we work for- humph- they are treading their own legal issues. let's just say they are stretching what is legal in order to get the contract.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You do know those little mp3 players record things and no one ever notices them because people use them to listen to music all the time. Not the expensive ones either. Just a little 10 or 20 buck mp3 player. "Oh that thing? I use it to listen to music when Im on break!" Meanwhile it is sitting there recording his rants.

    I hate idiot bosses. I had one once who thought it was funny to try to scare me at my open window. He would sneak up next to my window from outside and startle me by making noises. Well one day I happened to be turned just the right way and I had a full cup of diet coke in my hand and when he did it my startle response sent the full drink flying out the window all over him. He never tried that particular move on me Id like to say I did it on purpose but I didnt. He thought I did
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I once had a boss who literally gave me instructions, then when I followed them berated me for what I had done and gave me new instructions. Then...after a couple of days a conflicting set. It really was unbelievably stressful and since I was the sole support for my Mom and my three children I tried to grin and bear it. One morning I walked into my office and my equipment was all missing, my boss had flown off to Boston for the weekend and had the VP tell me that Boss had fired me.

    That was one of my biggest life crisis times. Totally undermined my confidence, made me feel like a loser and made me determined never to have a boss again. I relate to your discomfort. I would not suggest recording him as I think it could come back and bite you. I would suggest, however, starting a journal that records the events of the day. It might be helpful later. It may not be. It can't hurt anything, however, to have it safely at home. Sorry it's so hard. DDD
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Good idea, Janet!

    DDD and KLMNO, I had a boss like that once. I ended up quitting but was able to smooth it over because I was pregnant. No hard feelings and all that.
    Right. I don't think I've ever been so stressed out in my life. I feel for you, Klmno.
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    That's exactly what he's like DDD!! To a T! I have thought about logging it in and even this morning jokingly thought to myself that if I did, I'd spend all day writing as fast as I can and still not be able to keep up with all the conflicting direction, giving direction to start something else before having half the time needed to finish the first thing he told to do right away (stop what you're doing and do A; A takes 1 1/2 days to do; 4 hours later- stop what you're doing and do B, etc), logging the berating comments, etc.

    But today- the issue was a little simpler so I thought I'd relay it here and see if you wise ones can help me forrm a plan to deal with this aspect of him, at least.

    Background: Boss lets people put their time in work with a little flexibility- working from 7:00-4:00 with a 1 hour lunch or choosing to work 7:30-4:00 with 1/2 hour lunch, for example. He also allows 15 min breaks- once in am and once in pm. Fine. Now some take way too much advantage of this but since I normally like to come home and let my dogs out at lunch, I had never taken any am or pm breaks and took about 1 hour lunch and worked 7:30 to about 3:45-4:00. I thought that was fine because me position requires a lot of overtime with the travel involved and he'd never had a problem with this.

    Today, we just avoided the need to converse which was good and a relief actually. This afternoon I was spent and had sent him 3 things I was finally able to finish- mainly because he didn't talk to me today. Also, in one of the emails, I reminded him I'd be out of town for this next project all next week- and he knows that means overtime. So then about 3:30, I asked if he minded if I took off. He asked to go where. I said Home. He said if I was willing to take it off my time sheet that was fine. I looked at the clock again and said I'd be fine taking 1/2 hour off. Then, I remembered that due to some special things going on at the property this week, I hadn't been coming home at linch and had taken 20-30 mins only for lunch (still no breaks) the past two days and I hadn't called this to his attention.

    So I nicely said "oh, just so you'll be kept informed, I have only taken 20-30 min breaks at lunch the past two days." He said "So". I said "well, normally I take a longer lunch than that but since it would have taken me so much longer to get home and back the last few days, I didn't do that yesterday or today".

    He started responding before I barely finished the sentence with (and in a tad bit of a defensive voice) "well, I have nothing to do with how long it takes you to get home and back and you should be accounting for that when you plan how long you'll need to take for lunch"

    I just said OK and left. But I was thinking that his response had nothing to do with what I was saying or the topic at hand, which is usually how things spin out of control quickly with him. He had never, not even today, said anything about how long I take for lunch so I don't think that's what prompted his response. I wasn't complaining about taking a short lunch but maybe he assumed that before really hearing what I was saying. (I think he does that sort of thing A LOT.) But then, I also wonder if there's more of a glitch inhis thinking than I had originally thought. It never seemed to occur to him at all that I was trying to let him know that I hadn't taken an hour lunch today and still was asking to leave at 3:30. I was trying to nicely let him know that I wasn't trying to push things to the limit, time-wise.

    Things started that way yesterday and the time before too. I had just been telling him something and before I finished the sentence he was jumping to conclusions and giving me the next direction based on those conclusions, which I knew was not making a well-informed, thought out decision on his part because he hadn't let me finish reporting all the findings I was giving him from my research before jumpinig to that conclusion. When I calmly suggested that he give it a little time and verify a couple of things before proceeding with that direction to others, he completely blew up on me and according to him, I might as well have been a pompass idiot.

    So it's one thing to be the type of person who jumps to conclusions, but it's another to become basicly verbally abusive to someone when they try to work with you on it. That's the part I'm having a big problem with. And yes, it sure does stress me out and effect confidence and self-esteem. Mine was weak to begin with just getting back into the work force after all the other stuff i'd been thru and I'm sure that's how I ended up being his easy target. Anyway, I can prevent some fraction of this from happening to begin with, it might decrease the "incidences" a little.

    Any ideas on how to prevent someone from jumping to conclusions or how to deal with it when they assume they know everything you're going to say before you get out half of it and you know that last half might make all the difference in the world?

    I swear, after previous GAL, PO, and difficult child being that way, I am starting to feel doomed to having people like that in my life on a regular basis!! Do I have "doormat" written on me somewhere?? Or something else that automatically makes people think I deserve to be beaten down emotionally- like I've done something horrible to someone or something?
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    All I can think of is to be explicit and communicative in regard to everything.

    I had a boss like that, as I mentioned, and one day he was yelling at me, "Who told you to do that?!"

    "I did not."

    "Yes you did. I have it in your own handwriting."

    I ran and got the note and presented it to him. He read it. "THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!"

    Alrighty, then ...
  14. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    LOL! Yeah, we all try to get him to give his direction in writing but I think he has a little ADHD going on to because he spews them out every few mins sometimes and there'd be no way anyone would try to stop him and tell him to put it in writing.
  15. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I had one, too.

    "I didn't tell you that!" (CC'd to her boss.)

    ...So I dug through my email, found her original email instructing just such a thing, and sent it back to her. CC'd up the chain.

    Not a word from her. One week later, again "I didn't tell you that!" Again CC'd.

    Email again. Both the original and the week-old. (Date/time stamps rock.)

    The next day, her boss's boss came in with my offer letter to move to a different building. I knew I had the job already (slight pay cut, but to get away - worth it!).

    Four months later? That immediate supervisor? Gone.

    Document, document, document...
  16. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I learned early that when I interview for a new job, I interview them and their style just as much as they interview me. I know the kind of boss I like to work for and the kind of boss I find intolerable. It's not foolproof as everyone behaves his/her best during the interview process, but it helps. I hope you have better luck next time. This guy sounds like a real idiot.

  17. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I do that, too Suz- when the ball is in my court - and I've taken jobs for lower pay because of feeling like it was a better fit and more comfortable situation all the way around. But I had been unemployed, basicly, for 18 mos and was less than 1 week away from homelessness- literally- when this guy called and offered me the job. He had called about a week earlier for an interview. He seemed a little weird then and the way he arranged the interview unnerved me a little so I asked people from the board for input. A couple of long-standing members here sent me phone numbers by PM and I gave them details just so someone might be able to call cops if the guy turned out to be a psycho. LOL! So all in all, I'm glad I have the job and am very thankful for an opportunity to be back in the workforce. But obviously, this isn't a good fit and I'll keep looking for something else. I'm still staying a little low on that until I find out if this clearance will go thru. I'm not holding my breath but I really need to figure out how I want to proceed, career-wise, from here and what type of agency or company I'd like to work for and what opportunity is or isn't there. It's a streatch, I know, but I have faith.
  18. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Just FYI - it does say : WARNING - Choking hazard. I mean ----is that an oxymoron or what? Is there another lable that says kicking and stomping hazard? Possible shredding hazard? Not septic tank approved?

    -How bad can it get? Does it come with a zippo?
  19. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Not for children under 3. I didn't know there were 4 yro's in offices using these. :S

    I like the post-it pad!
  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think if I was dealing with a boss like this and I had to relay information to him, I would write it out and email it as much as possible that way he has to read the entire thing before he can come talk to you. He cant interrupt you mid sentence. This will also give him the time to compose his thoughts. Even if it doesnt stop him from changing his mind 20 times, at least you will know he at least heard you out completely. And you have visible proof that you told him in entirety.