The tipping point

[hearts and roses]

I have had a very stressful few months. Since about the time my assistant went on disability end of July, things have really gone haywire at work. If she hadn't gone on disability, it wouldn't have been any less stressful, however, she would have been there for commisserate with me, lol. Anyway, we've fired and hired several employees and as the human resource person (among other jobs), the tasks invoved with firing and hiring fall into my lap, such as all the forms...my God, the forms! And the announcements to the market, setting up their computers, etc., with our IT team, tranferring of files, phone calls, etc. It's just a lot. We are also nearing year end when we have to get our books in order, go over fixed assets lists, do our end of year billing, get out our holiday letters and send out holiday gifts to our key clients. I do all that.

At home, easy child moved back home, things are going nicely with her, however, you know, it's an adjustment. difficult child, on the other hand, has pretty much moved in with her boyfriend, though she still comes by and wants to pay me half her rent so I'll reserve her room for her...lol. I miss her terribly, I cannot even tell you. She's been so wonderful and we've grown so close in recent months and I just miss her. H and I are on the rocks and I've had to readjust my plans for the future - don't know where I'll be in a year from now. I may still be here, but not really 'there'. Know what I mean?? So that's a stressor. And my dishwasher broke in July and guess who is the only one who seems to know how to wash dishes and empty the dishdrain? That's right, me. Neither easy child nor H wash the outsides of things so the insides of a glass may be clean but the outsides has grubby fingerprints all over it. And the inside of the pot may be clean, but there's sauce drippings down the sides. So I just do the dishes now. I just spent my last penny on a new dishwasher this weekend - I can't afford this so close to Christmas, but it was my gift to me, so tough boogers on everyone else. I should take a picture of it and put that in everyone's stocking this year.

The stuff with my mom is always playing in the background - it's been such a labor to get all the paperwork done to get her into a home, transport her, help her adjust and now we've gotten word that she will likely be moving up here to CT within a week or so, which means more darned paperwork and dealing with a governmental agency I'm not familiar with. I always get stuck with the paperwork in my family - because I know what I'm doing and because I actually do it. I may have to drive down to PA this Saturday...my back is going out just thinking of it.

I have two classes I'm taking and they entail a lot - A LOT - of reading and writing. It's a lot of new terminology for me and a lot of information to memorize. I am maintaining A's in both classes, but it's becoming a struggle with all these other demands on my life, predominantly, my TIME. I feel like I have no time for anything anymore! Each task or obligation just runs into the next on the list.

Taking the puppy to work with me on any other ordinary day would be nothing, but taking her with me for 3 days in a row is so draining on me. It's a pita. She's a needy dog. But no one else can take her. And my boss is nice enough to allow me - and once she's here, she's no bother, she sleeps all day. But the gathering up of her and her stuff in the morning - it just throws me off.

So, today I am at work, puppy in tow, and I have files that need billing, I have to send forms into the insurance companies for the new employees, I have to call the welfare office to submit the paperwork for my mom's Title 19 for the nursing home and so much more.

I discovered mice poop in my cabinets the other day and fell to pieces. That was my tipping point. I just started to cry and couldn't stop myself. easy child gave me the 'you're weird" look and I nearly came at her with the frying pan. difficult child asked me if I wanted to talk about it. Really. what I was thinking was that I wanted to go to the airport and take the first flight out to anywhere - one way.

I bought traps for the stupid mice....I caught one mouse and the trap broke. And on the other one, the mice were able to get in it, lick the peanut butter and get out, but not without leaving their filthy poop all over my cabinet. I just sometimes feel like I want to burn the house to the ground and start all over.

My entire family is coming for Christmas this year and I'm happy about that. Now I just hope I get a decent bonus this year to help pay for all the food. I'm giving out assignments - is that wrong? As in each person must bring something? I don't think that's harsh. Also, H's parents may come stay as well, which I could do without, but they will be outnumbered by my family so I don't even care.

Really, that's how I feel...like I don't even care anymore. This morning, I had to leave the pup in the car while I went to get my coffee and I had this flash of a thought that she may pee on the passenger seat and immediately following that first thought, I though, "Oh, well, it'll dry". That is NOT me. That is NOT how I normally would react to that scenario. I'm not me anymore. I'm at my tipping point and it scares me a little bit...in a freakish way, I wish I could be a fly on the wall and watch it all go down....omg. I've lost it.

And if we do have to go get my mom this Saturday, I will have to spend another $126 at the Hampton Inn for the night because I can't stay at my sister's house because she's got 3 cats. This sister has always hated cats and shouldn't even own animals...I just don't get it.

Okay, vent over. Anyone else at their tipping point? I could use some company.

 

[Hound dog]

Jo if it makes you feel better I've been at my tipping point for months................this bit with Katie and family has me staring over into the abyss. I keep wanting to retire from parenthood............if I ever find a way to do it I'll be sure to let you know.

I'm forced to sit and wait on cps to get involved............and I hate having to hang in limbo.

You're plate is over full. During my last year of school...........I let things slide, which I never do, simply because if I'd attempted to focus on them it actually would have sent me over that abyss. It was like a built in safety valve. My brain was at it's limit, so it started shutting things out that I had no control over.

Would it help some if you could make a daily list of priorities? Then if it's an overwhelming day.......which most of them are due to current circumstances.........you can let the rest slide for a while until a less stressed day when you can tackle it. Although I'll admit that when those less stressful days came I tended to just let my hair down and relax because by then I just plain needed it so darn much.

Mice love my house. It doesn't help that I have 3 barns not 100 yards from the house.......none of them I own.......which the mice also love, especially this time of year. The outside cats help a ton, but even they let the occasional mouse slip inside. Bruce hoovers as a mouser......but he has started chasing them finally so maybe there is hope for him yet. lol But honestly, Molly the ol dog is a better mouser than he is. So I've done traps.......so far they seem too smart. ugh Might try those enclosed decon traps soon, depends on how expensive they are......they not only poison the mouse but trap it in the trap, which would keep the cats/dogs safe from being poisoned. Honestly, my mouse problem would probably cease if someone would just bulldoze those darn barns...........but that's not going to happen anytime soon. So I got cheap plastic containers from the dollar store ect and anything a mouse can get into goes into them. A pita but at least I know they're not getting into something we're going to eat. I even have special containers for pet food they can't get into. Trash goes out every night. It helps but mice are determined lil buggers.

Sending many warm fuzzy ((((((hugs)))))) your way. I hope you can get your mom placed with minimal fuss.........I still adore my sister in law for taking on that task for me cause I know it was a burden.

 

[Shari]

Yes. When I got the letter informing me of Wee's required court appearance. I pretty much lost it all.

It took all my remaining strength not to just go out and do something stupid, to, you know, like, someone's gas tank or something....(j/k - kinda)

 

[tawnya]

Today is probably not a good day to ask me this question, when I just want to break my fist on someone's face. It doesn't even matter whose face it is.

Last year, we lost my dear mom, and I am still reeling over that. She took care of everyone, and now that has fallen into my lap. I promised her I would take care of my dad, and her parents that are in their 80's. Pop is in the nursing home, and Grandma still lives alone. I take her every day to see him, and he is really a poop head. Grandma can hardly walk because of her back, etc. BUT, she still can function and is still sharp as a tack.

My mother in law has dementia of some kind, maybe Alzheimers, but "husband" won't take her to the doctor. He is one of the best I know about denial.

difficult child got evicted from her apartment sometime recently. In true difficult child fashion, she told us one day before she had to be out. She is going to live with mother in law, who is very, very mean lately. I know it is her illness, but it doesn't make it any easier.

We had to get a cat because of our mice. It is a three month old kitten, and the dogs aren't liking it that much. The mice have all retreated somewhere, though. easy child is in charge of the litter box, and you know how that goes.

My dishwasher has decided to leak every time I run it. Maybe I will break my fist on it, and not risk going to jail.

I am doing Thanksgiving, and both of my siblings are trying to beg off. I let them both have it the other day. Can't you just sacrifice ONE DAY? Mom would have wanted it that way. They don't do anything to help anyway.

I don't even think Calgon can help this one.

Misery loves company, Jo.

 

[hearts and roses]

I think it's just the doing it alone...the taking care of it all...the non-compliance from others...the stupidity of others, causing we moms to worry...lack or loss of sleep...lack or loss of down time...the daily chores...holding down 2-3-4 jobs, often all at once...ugh, the list goes on and on. It's just tiring. Every morning I am awakened by this adorable little pup and, darling though she is, I have to wonder how this came to be. How can it be morning already? Why do I still feel like I have another 6 hours worth of sleep owed to me?

Is this middle age? Is that what this is? Is it just me being tired from being sick for so long and ingesting mega doses of prednisone?

I know my problems are very small compared to many, but a body can only take so much. As much as I'm sad to see others feeling like this or reaching their tipping point, I am glad to be in your company. At least you get it.

 

[DDD]

Add me to the list. In a nutshell sales are down by 1/2 with the economy, easy child/difficult child is still an active alcoholic, difficult child has been notified his disability will be terminated based on an interview with a local dullard therapist, husband is becoming incvreasingly forgetful and isn't facing the issue, the big boxer is now husband's best friend and is allowed on all the blankin' furniture by husband...and next week is Thanksgiving for eleven at my house with nobody to help. TIP !

I'm sorry you are at that point. knowing you aren't alone may provide some comfort..I hope so! DDD

 

[timer lady]

We, as a group, struggle to say "no" . It's such a small word yet has such a big impact on our daily lives. Jo, I've reached that breaking point 3x over the last year. I didn't think I'd get back up on my feet ~ one day I didn't want to try. Just seemed to much.

Jo, I was on extremely high doses of prednisone for over 2 1/2 years - developed Cushing's. Are the doctor's keeping on top of that? While that medication is a life saver - the side effects can be debilitating.

I'm learning to say "no" ~ yet you'll notice my last with-c thread where I bought one dog too many. So now I pick up the pieces of not saying that most simple to spell yet hard to say word "no".

Maybe we should proclaim one day a month - our "OMG, Now What?" day. Better yet "No" day. The day we decline all invitations, requests, etc. Sounds like a plan to me.

 

[DammitJanet]

Im right there with ya. I want to know how an almost 30 year old man cannot for the life of him NOT know how to clean a kitchen well...hell...even semi-satisfactorily. I want to know why I, with a knee that I think I just tore some ligament or other in, am the only one who can manage to clean, go to the store or do any other myriad of duties that require being upright and walking!

Im ready to take a baseball bat to Billy if I walk into my kitchen and there are pots and pans that havent been washed...or plates on the floor or silverware unwashed. Seriously...because I have been asking him since noon to clean the kitchen. Reminded him at least 8 times since then.

I think I saw 4 plates in the strainer.

For the mice...I know you dont want to use poison but let me tell you, there is a bottle of rat poison -not decon- that is sold in agri supply places in a white bottle. They are tablets about the size of mints and they are green. Toss those suckers in places kids or pets cant get to like behind the fridge, stove, dishwasher, out in those barns, tree trunks, even put one on the counter way back or in a cupboard and you will be rid of any mice or rats you have. I think they even send out a message throughout the rat kingdom not to come visiting your house again. We had a horrible problem with rats but got this stuff and we havent seen one in over two years.

Oh...and on housekeeping...I think I am going to go on A&E and nominate my house for Hoarders just to get someone in here to clean it out...lol.

 

[flutterby]

I'm there. I've been withdrawing and barely speaking to anyone. Last Monday my daughter called me from school - as she had been doing every. single. day. in this alt school - and I lost my flippin mind. I went off on the lead teacher. I picked up difficult child from school about 10am that day - which I don't do. I scheduled a meeting for 2 days later and I was not happy and, boy, did everyone know it. I hit my breaking point. I was loud, I was confrontational, I was blunt, I was even belligerent. I didn't care. I had had ENOUGH.

The only upside to completely losing it is that now I'm feeling again. I've been just completely numb for a while now. But, I'd still rather just pull the covers over my head than deal with even the smallest thing. And now difficult child 2 is here - my fault. difficult child is severely depressed. difficult child 2 is depressed. And just a bunch of other stuff. I feel like everyday I'm just waiting for this big KABOOM! to happen.

I'm going to say that the prednisone isn't helping. It can wreak havoc on moods. But, you still have ample reason to be tipping over even without the medications.

 

[Hound dog]

LMAO about the Hoarders show Janet...........it got my family motivated into helping me clean. husband watched it with me last night.........he is started on his half of the family room tomorrow. lol Travis sneaks in and does the dishes for me if I'm having a bad day...........and has been cleaning his room every spare moment for the past couple of weeks. Oddly the boy can see worth a darn but he washes dishes better than husband could ever dream or better than M katie's "professional" dishwasher. (says something ya know?)

I may be driven to try out those tablets yet. I have a suspicion the mice expect this winter to be very bad.......they're coming in unlike ever before. argh!

 

[jal]

I am sorry you are there, but you certainly have company. I too am at my breaking/tipping point. This has been the worst year of my life. I had to put one of my 9 yr old cats down because I couldn't afford to keep taking him to the vet for chronic Urinary Tract Infection (UTI)'s partly because husband hasn't worked in over 2 years, our home was robbed, all of my jewelery gone to a drug addict/convicted rapist that served 25 yrs in prison and his family opened their home to give him a new start. I found out that my husband that I've been with for almost 20 years, 11 married this yr, did something so out of character for him and devastating to our relationship that if we didn't have difficult child I would've walked in a heart beat, daily trials with difficult child, working full time, but being so disengaged at work I don't even feel like I am there, waiting to get home just to get home and then dealing with the koi that surrounds me just so I can sleep or hide. For the first time in my life my parents will not be around for Thanksgiving, they are going to see my brotherand his wife in CA, so I am glad for them, but it's so weird not to be with them on this day, but they deserve the fun...

I have held it together for so long, I feel that now I am ready to implode. I want to cry, but cannot, as I will look like h*ll in the am or I just have no emotion left. But I will s*ck it up and go one another day as I know you will too. Don't forget although you feel alone, you are in good company here.

 

[slsh]

I think it's just the doing it alone...the taking care of it all...the non-compliance from others...the stupidity of others, causing we moms to worry...lack or loss of sleep...lack or loss of down time...the daily chores...holding down 2-3-4 jobs, often all at once...ugh, the list goes on and on.

Jo - I think this is it in a nutshell. I passed my tipping point about 2 weeks ago and fell right on over. I mean for heaven's sake, why am I the only person in a family of 4 able-bodied people who notices that the fridge hasn't been cleaned in (OMG, I don't even want to know how long), or the kitchen floor is no longer anything remotely resembling it's original cream color, or the pig cages have to be cleaned or the litter box or the toilets, or ... can we talk about the flipping cobwebs that are hanging down like tapestry above the stairwell?????? I asked the kids a month ago to clean their rooms because my dad was coming to visit. Dive finally (kinda) got hers done this weekend (2 weeks after my dad was here). Weeburt? GAH... he's a stubborn mule and his room still looks like a disaster area. I'm ready to .... ugh, I dunno - he's being a royal PITB typical teen right now and ... well, all I can say is if he won't clean his room, I will.

Throw in stresses from work, the fact that this is always a horrible time of year for me (PTSD), and the reality of Boo ending his school career and being home 24/7 starting next month.... yep, I tipped over with- a HUGE crash. Quit my job, screamed at the kids to do their darn chores, and have generally been awful to live with- - I don't even want to live with- me, LOL.

You know - I honestly believe that no one has it worse than anyone else, really. I mean, we live our lives and we deal with- what we have to deal with- because, quite frankly, there's no other choice, right? But there are definitely periods when the fates align up just all wrong and it all hits at one time. I think you just have to get back to basics and put one foot in front of the other.

I'm really glad you got your dishwasher. That's one foot. Me? My last day of work was Sat., so on Monday I cleaned the kitchen counter, microwave (OMG - gross!), and did about 8 loads of laundry, folded it, put it away until my back went out. Today? I cleaned the fridge (OMG, OMG, OMG). Tomorrow? I don't know, but I will accomplish 1 (maybe 2) things, and I'll keep on at it until I start feeling semi-human again. And my family will either get it together and start pitching in or not... but I'm not going back to work until this house is spotless from top to bottom, and their quality of life will be impacted severely - between no income for fun stuff and my foul mood, I'm hoping they will come to their senses soon.

I think it would go a long way to have a sense of being valued, you know? For someone to say, "Gee, Mom, the fridge looks great" or "Thanks, Mom, for putting my laundry away" or "Wow, Sue, dinner was good tonight, thanks" or even better yet "Sue, why don't you go see a movie and take a break." I'm not going to hold my breath, but it sure would be nice.

 

[TeDo]

I think I have just hit mine in the last 10 minutes or so. Had a meeting to go over the IEP and BIP the SpEd teacher developed after the meeting 2 weeks ago. I was fine with the IEP and wanted to get that started. The problem I have is with the BIP. The way they have phrases all the teachers are supposed to use with difficult child worded are totally authoritative and assume non-compliance is willful and a control issue. I spent an hour and a half trying to get teacher to realize that difficult child is not comprehending situations like "normal" kids. They actually have it stated in there that "willful disobedience and insubordination are not to be tolerated and the school discipline policy needs to be followed". Their policy for these things is suspension. I tried to get them to understand that those phrases are very subjective and is based purely on assumptions. I tried to convince them that there is a reason for difficult child's actions and we need to teach him how to put those reasons into words and find ways to deal with them appropriately. I reminded him that suspending difficult child for these things teaches him that he gets out of school when a situation is causing him a problem. There is also a big issue with the principal being the one to decide on and issue the suspensions. I want to remove him from that position when it comes to difficult child (have that decision made by the SpEd teacher and school counselor) because he has made it very obvious that HE is the boss and no one but HIM can make any decisions like moving a meeting to a different room when having the meeting in the current room is a problem right now. Why the **** does the room matter? Their response was that difficult child needs to know that he needs to go wherever he is told to go. Isn't that something they are supposed to TEACH to kids who don't understand that?

Then tonight, difficult child came down from his room crying because he had a meltdown earlier and was feeling remorseful. I talked to him and he was on his way back to bed when easy child comes down wanting to know why difficult child isn't in his bed. easy child trying to be a self-appointed "parent helper" is an ongoing issue at our house. I simply tell him to go back to bed, I'm taking care of it. Ten minutes later difficult child comes down to let me know that easy child is up in his bed crying and talking about how stupid he is and that he should just kill himself. He has done this before when he wants some attention like difficult child has gotten for a totally different reason. So now I have difficult child crying because I said so many nice things about him and easy child crying because difficult child had 10 minutes of my attention and he wants some too.

On top of that I am still unemployed and my unemployment will run out in about 6 weeks and there are NO jobs around here, the other big company (there are only 2) in town (50 employees is big here) is downsizing at the end of the month, and I have 2 kids to feed.

difficult child can't see his new therapist until January but things at school are getting so bad I'm afraid he'll be expelled by then because of their unwillingness to try new approaches like CPS or something besides a heavy hand.

I feel like the other shoe is hanging over my head on it's way down. I just want to give up and wave the red flag but I can't do that to my kids. AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!

 

[hearts and roses]

Okay, so since we're all over the map age-wise, my guess is it's not middle age, lol.

I think I need to practice saying NO>Linda, which day shall we choose to be the day we delegate more and do less?

Slsh, omg, I pray you're not waiting for a 'thank you' or a 'good job'. I have to say that H almost always says thank you for making dinner and/or putting away his laundry. And I thank him for making me the sweet nectar of the Gods (er, coffee) for me every morning. Yesterday, I asked easy child to take out the puppy. Her answer, "I'm not dressed". Well, I wasn't either. As pup waited on my bed to go out, I got dressed, scooped her up and took her out. What I should have done was allowed pup to wait on easy child's bed while she rushed to get dressed and take her out, right? So, it's about retraining myself. Before both girls took a run at moving out, I had a very well developed, "Nope, sorry, can't do that right now, today, tomorrow, etc." But with them moving in and out so much, and with so many responsibilities falling into my lap that used to be delegated out to them, I find myself just doing it myself because it's easier. Not so - that is a fallacy. It initially takes time and maybe a wee struggle to delegate, but eventually, it makes things run smoother. So, last night I left easy child a grocery list and my bank card while I went to the concert. She went food shopping for me! Yeah - one less thing for me to squeeze in today. And, thank God, the plumber is finished so I didn't bring pup with me to work today!

Jal, if your H's transgression is anything similar to mine, I totally know how you feel and am sending you big Hugs. I'm sorry.

Janet, my mice are mocking me. They laugh at the stupid little plastic things that are supposed to snap their necks. I must be setting the bait wrong because the peanut butter is all licked off, but the trap is not snapped in the morning. This morning I cleaned my entire kitchen and when I came back from applying my makeup to put my coffee cup into the sink, there were two pieces of mouse poop! The audacity! I cannot put any poison down as my dogs are small and H always leaves the one cabinet where the mice are open to take out the garbage and the dogs climb inside - yeah, I know, strange. But they do so I can't chance them eating one of those tablets, although they sound amazing. Now I understand why my Mengele-like neighbor uses those sticky pads to catch mice...those things are torturous evil. The little mouse's feet stick to the pad and you just throw it away! Meanwhile the mouse struggles and often rips its own legs off to get free or just starves to death. I like the snapping of the neck = instant death route better.

Yesterday, I packed up that little pup and went home and had to vacuum everything again (the plumbers and H left quite a mess), get ready in a jiffy and hit the highway for the concert. H kept trying to get close to me, which considering his behavior of late really bugged me, but we got through it. It was a great concert. When we left the casino, it was nearly 12:30 and H handed me the keys to drive because he wanted to sleep. OoooOOooookay. So I drove (way too fast) all the way home, nearly two hours, in the most horrendous pouring rain. It's amazing we're still alive. E (difficult child's boyfriend) was the only one who stayed awake with me and we chatted the entire time. When we dropped him off, H turned to me and asked me why we were blabbering so much - he couldn't sleep! OMG. Didn't get to sleep until 2:30AM and was up at 6AM. So this morning, it was the usual...take out pup, clean entire kitchen because apparently H has trouble make himself a cup of coffee and toasting a bagel without getting crumbs and spills all over the place! Spotted the mouse poop again - no mice caught again - argh. Sometimes it feels like I'm in an ongoing rerun of that movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray.

Well, I feel terrible that we're all struggling with so much, some of us all the time. Why don't we all send up a positive thought/prayer for one another today - just send it out there into the universe or whereever.

 

[Mamaof5]

Survival Mode - isn't it fun? /sarcasm

I know I did this to myself, but I did it for a good cause but we're moving for December 1st. Holy hannah, what a mental, emotional and physical workout this is turning out to be. So many phone calls, so much to pack and do. Insurance, Licenses, COA (change of address), packing, cleaning, sorting, taking apart bigger items to move them a little easier, check lists, XMAS?...First month's rent, deposit, new fridge and stove (thank goodness for community start up allowances with some money still left over in it otherwise, no fridge and stove for at least a month. NOT happening in this household). Buses to set up for the three older ones, bus schedule to change for the other one. Had to pull little one out of daycare, too far away for me without a driver's, sucks because he loves it there, and I now have one kid at home (I love them I do but I'm selfish about my "me time" during the week days honestly).

In all of this difficult children are going ape poo poo lately. Oldest is ODD to the max, ended up sitting down and re-prioritizing (reading Explosive Child right now) rules of house to two rules. 1. You are responsible for you, actions, words and all 2. Respect is received when it is given. That's it, two rules, general but working for the last two days ...for now. I told him outright I can't handle the chaos and loudness of it all right now. Gave him an ultimatum, kind of too, more a consequence to a request ignored...don't clean your room and I can't get in there to move his stuff to the new place. Two choices - clean room, have stuff; don't clean room, don't have stuff.

I have to safety, certify and insure my truck by Friday. Lords & Ladies what a pain that's turning out to be. Although, upside is that it'll only cost me 150 to safety and certify and an extra 20 bucks on insurance for the truck. We're PLPD'ing it (basic coverage only, it's 19 yrs old for crying out loud, why fully insure a bush truck right?).

I have meetings galore, two with councellors (oldest) IEP at school and team meeting, genetics appointment, all sorts in between all the packing, phone calls, and what not. I want to just hide out in the bush and never come back - oh wait, laws changed not allowed to have a standing structure for more than 3 months in the bush anymore without moving it 350 feet each time...PITA...not even that is an option. Calgon can kiss my curvy Quebecer bottom!