The vampire fangs came and a difficult child update

[flutterbee]

Yes, they came. Yes, she's had them in. They're not so bad actually. You can't see them when her mouth is closed. She was nice and got the small ones. Apparently, you can get larger.

Of course, she was wearing them with a black shirt, black skirt, black and white striped tights, and black combat boots with black eyeliner, black mascara, a nose piercing and almost black hair. Oh, and skull and cross bones earrings. A black choker with a cross. And a black headband with white hearts. Hey, at least she didn't have on the goth white makeup and the black lipstick. She's so fair skinned anyway, that the goth white makeup probably won't seem so extreme. I got her the mineral powder foundation in the lightest (fairest) tone (to try to avoid the goth white stuff) and you can't tell she's wearing it.

Honestly, she looked pretty cute. Kinda like Abbey from NCIS, minus the ponytails and red lipstick.

Our little girls do grow up. Sigh....

She's been doing much better. She stopped the medications again. Me in a flare, not physically capable of fighting her on it. She really feels her depression is situational and I have to agree. At least to an extent. She really wants to work hard in therapy - including family therapy - and that's a compromise I'm willing to take. She can always do the medications again if therapy alone is not enough.

The point is, she's trying. So very hard. She's making strides everyday. We have some steps back - she's behind on her schoolwork - but she's motivated. She wants more out of her life.

I'm finding more and more these days that I'm looking at my child with pride instead of exasperation. She's being proactive. She's working on communication - and how to improve it. She's finding her independence instead of so much dependence on me.

In the meantime, she's never really gotten over this cold she got a month ago. Sleeping a lot, headaches, stomach aches, discomfort in her upper abdomen, hot all the time - her temp has only been around 99, but she usually runs around 97.4. And I just found out that a friend of Devon's who spends a lot of time here had mono. So, tomorrow we go to the doctor for a mono test.

Thought I'd give you an update. *sniff* They grow up when you're not looking.

 

[Sheila]

I'm finding more and more these days that I'm looking at my child with pride instead of exasperation. She's being proactive. She's working on communication - and how to improve it. She's finding her independence instead of so much dependence on me.

That is so encouraging!

Sigh.... I think they are easier when younger. My darling sonknockedout thinks he's so grown up and we're so "old fashioned." Maybe so. But that's too bad for him. When he's grown enough to be out on his own and foot the bill for it, he can fashion-up any way it suits him.

I guess his maturity is broadening. As well as being the biggest baddest meanie in the whole wide world, I gained several raises in stature in his eyes. I'm ruining his life, and forget what else. Oh, yea, I through a fit when he cut the sides up several pairs of brand new jeans because "it's cool." I was informed that I am "not cool."

difficult child's trying to go through the all black clothing phase, too. His daddy is not impressed. roflol I'll see who wins.

She was nice and got the small ones.

See, things can always be worse. That's looking on the bright side. roflol

 

[Marguerite]

They aren't too bad, are they? Do warn her to drink through a straw and to avoid highly coloured drinks because they DO stain. Or let her find out for herself - your choice.

With the make-up - has she got easy child 2/difficult child 2's suggestions for eye make-up? She's worked out how to look good as a Goth without sticking to black. To get good contour, you need other shades. Plum, burgundy lipsticks are better than scarlet, for example. easy child 2/difficult child 2 also will wear blue-grey or green eyeshadow. Again, avoiding the too-bright colours, but muted shades not only look good they avoid the clownish look the kids can sometimes get.

This CAN be the beginning of her individuality as well as a good eye for design and colour. Try to engage her in some hobbies that will fit in with her 'image' as well as develop some new skills. I have fond memories of the evenings in front of the telly, with husband & easy child 2/difficult child 2 each with their cloth bag, little container of cut circles of wire, pair of pliers, wire cutters, gloves - knitting chain mail. It was an interesting hobby she shared with her father. Other interesting side interests with this are anything medieval including battle recreations, costume work, corsetry, fashion design, local drama group, singing with madrigal group, French, herbalism, the history of the medieval church and Celtic Christianity... there is just so much scope.

Where WE are now - easy child 2/difficult child 2 is trying to organise her wedding. She has been wanting somewhere appropriately Gothic, but Australia is a bit light-on for Gothic architecture, we've only had a bit over 200 years of European history and influence. Much of our attractive architecture was reproduction anyway. But she wants somewhere Gothic for the wedding - not easy. We WERE looking at Mortuary Station - in the early days of Sydney's rail system this was constructed specially to convey bodies to Rookwood Cemetery (the "dead heart" of Sydney). It was decommissioned for that purpose decades ago and fell into disrepair. It has actually been used for weddings but we were told only this week that it's no longer available. So it looks like the most likely architecture easy child 2/difficult child 2 will get to be surrounded by for her wedding, will be genuine Georgian. We're still in the running for reproduction Gothic, with some of the older buildings at University of Sydney...

This is where we have come to, from her interest in (obsession with?) the Gothic. She has studied French, almost enrolled in a fashion design course (was shortlisted), studied some level of fashion design and textiles at school, has studied dance, been an actress (paid work) - much of it connected with her fascination.

You can't block it. I feel the best we can do is steer it, instead. Toss in ideas, suggestions, information as we find it. Take her to antique shops, teach her how to appreciate value. Maybe teach her photography, give her access to a good digital camera.

And in the meantime, try to ignore the nubile nymphet she has become. You never know - you might find a cast-iron chastity belt at one of those antique shops!

Marg

 

[flutterbee]

I've never minded the clothing issue. Freedom of expression, whatever you want to call it. She's not being racy in her attire - she is still very modest - and nothing derogatory on her clothing like I see a lot of teens wear. The vampire fangs threw me for a loop, though. Oompf.

I just think back to the 5th grade. She had picked out all skirts for school clothing. She was always very girly. We went to orientation and she was wearing this cute turquoise and black skirt, turquoise top and black dress boots. She was so proud and excited. Then she got to school and all the girls were wearing jeans. We had to go shopping again and the skirts never got worn.

So, while she may be choosing to be quite different than the "norm", she's becoming comfortable enough to be who she is right now. For a kid with severe anxiety and very low self-esteem/confidence, that is huge.

She's been trying to find her identity for a while now. Insisting furiously that she's not girly. Then becoming extremely upset and hostile if you even mentioned the word "Goth". She's exploring. She's settled on this, for now at least. Maybe it will stick, maybe it won't. If she's happy with who she is, that's all I really care about.

Marg - She insisted on black eyeshadow. I found this eyeshadow kit that had shades in black, charcoal, gray, all the way to white. And I showed her how to apply it to achieve that smoky eye look, as opposed to raccoon eyes. It looks very pretty...not unlike what you see models wearing with their eye makeup. I'm still working on more of a red shade of lipstick - burgundy, etc - but she was set on black. I'll let her try it and then go from there. Trial and error.

She has always been interested in science and languages. She's been taking an interest in psychology and societies reactions to things. She reads a lot and writes down things that interest her. She's creative and has an interesting and somewhat unique read on things. She keeps me on my toes - I'm a logical thinker, so I have to work to keep up with how she sees things vs how I do.

In the past couple of months, I've gone from thinking that she is going to live with me until she is 30 to believing that she is going to succeed well in life.

 

[meowbunny]

I'm not sure, but I think you probably get some of the credit for her recent growth. I truly doubt she would be trying as hard had you not put your foot down and actually forced her to make some changes in herself. She gets credit for seeing that (1) you may have more of a point than she cares to admit and (2) wanting more out of life than she has right now -- a huge change from 6 months ago.

I'm biting my tongue about the teeth, etc. considering she hasn't exactly earned the money for these things. Okay, I've said all I'm going to say. HONEST!

Does sound like mono or a very low-grade virus. Hope she feels better soon.

 

[flutterbee]

Actually, she helped a lot in getting ready for my bff to come visit. She did all of the heavy work. Devon was the one and I had to poke and prod and pick up the slack. I fixed the vacuum all by myself!!!! I was so proud of myself.

Thanks for the compliment, MB. I do have to say that I am starting to see what I've been reiterating for years starting to sink in. It's interesting to hear my words come back out of her mouth. Her ears really do work!

 

[Marguerite]

MB, be careful about biting your tongue, especially if wearing vampire teeth!

Marg

 

[Andy]

After all that time of struggles to be able to have more moments of pride than exasperation is such a good feeling. Way To Go Wynter.

A lesson to the rest of us - no large amounts of new clothes until after the 1st day of school when our kids find out what is being worn this year. They may choose to stay with their original ideas but they also may want to find some clothes like the others.

I am glad she is enjoying her new look for the season. Does she have a cape also?

 

[TerryJ2]

I'm looking at my child with pride instead of exasperation.

Way To Go! That is so encouraging (for you and all of us with-kids who are younger).

I was just thinking "mono" and then you had typed in that she will be tested.
Best of luck.

 

[gcvmom]

So glad to hear she is taking an active interest in her life and future! I wouldn't worry about the clothing thing either. I think Marg's points about steering instead of controlling are very well put.

My 9yo easy child/difficult child 3 may end up on a similar fashion path one day. She wants to be a goth cheerleader for Halloween! Last year she was a very vampy spider queen. I'm trying to steer her towards more modest costumes both because of her age and because it won't be too long before people are going to really take notice of her developing body (she's already slender and has had this runway wiggle in her step since she was a preschooler). I need to get her thinking more conservatively before puberty hits full force because then I will have a MAJOR battle on my hands...

 

[Pookybear66]

It's great she is declaring her independence and personal style and all. I guess it's a good thing she is "growing up" but I hope that doesn't happen for a long while in our house. My daughter is only 5.

 

[butterflydreams]

Sounds like she is doing good. The fact that she is trying so hard is encouraging. The clothes and vampire teeth - hey it's a phase and it's nothing permanent. My easy child/difficult child has had her nose pierced, let it close, pierced it again. Has had her tongue pierced, let it close and also with her lip. Last time I made her pay for it, I'm done paying.

Give yourself a pat on the back too mom! She wouldn't be where she is without a supportive mother.

Christy

 

[Wiped Out]

A very positive update! Glad to hear she is doing so well.