The wedding

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by KTMom91, Apr 25, 2008.

  1. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Son #2 is getting married in three weeks. They have not yet found someone to perform the ceremony. I ask a friend who's a pastor if he might be able to help the kids out, he says he might, I call #2 with the info. #2 says no, they don't feel they need premarital counseling sessions because they have a great relationship, so that won't work. Huh? If you had a lousy relationship, I'd question why you wanted to get married.

    #1 doesn't think #2 is making the right decision, they've known each other less than a year, and #2 was just coming off a major heartbreak when they met. Add that to the rest of the family drama going on, with #2's mom who nobody likes, cousin B whose marriage of less than a year blew up in an ugly way (and he's stalking her), other recent breakups, feuds, etc...

    This is why Hubby and I eloped with only our kids and our moms along.
  2. Jungleland

    Jungleland Welcome to my jungle!

    Yikes, I feel you! My easy child 1 is getting married in Oct. Since they set the date, alot has changed (husband and I splitting, my mom being very ill, his mom in a wheelchair and not doing great, etc...) Then easy child 2 and his fiance are trying to break up, his fiance is easy child 1's fiance's niece. So, no matter what, we will be involved with this family. forever! Awkward to say the least. Don't get me wrong, if easy child 2 FINALLY dumps this girl, I will be thrilled!!! She is not a very nice person.

    Anyways, sorry to take over your thread!!! Just am feeling your "pain"!!

  3. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Eeek. It seems that weddings sometimes make otherwise rational people just lose their ever-lovin' minds.

    Hope everything sorts itself out for the best of everyone involved.
    (Personally, I like the running-away-and-eloping thing...a lot of grief saved)

  4. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Sounds like the nixing of premarital counseling might be his excuse to stall this off.....don't know many reputable ministers who would perform the ceremony without meeting with the couple a few times to talk about their marriage. Looks like eloping might be the option if they still want to go thru with this.....
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I don't understand why premarital counselling is so off limits. husband and I hadn't known each other a year, AND we were pregnant, but we were quite willing to do the premarital counselling. I wouldn't do the Catholic thing - they wanted 6 months of counselling and the baby would have been born by then, plus I am NOT Catholic.

    So we found a Unitarian minister who married us after a few counselling sessions and a meeting about the ceremony. It was wonderful.

    Maybe the local Unitarian Church would be an idea? But only suggest it if you want to help the marriage along. The Counselling is mainly to see that they relationship is not abusive, at least ours was. Rev. F won't marry anyone in an abusive relationship.

    I hope you get through all the drama!

  6. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Go find a notary......

    IF they aren't going to listen to anything else wise - they aren't going to listen or learn in counseling.

    Find a notary and just do it.
  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I think he has to accept that as things are getting a bit tense, and the only way someone can be found to do the service is that he has to do the counselling in order to get SOMEONE to marry them - just do it. For heaven's sake, if they are so happy together that they feel counselling is not needed, then surely that will be quickly obvious to the pastor and he will get the counselling over and done with quickly?

    Even in a good relationship, a bit of counselling never hurts.

    husband & I were getting married in the parish where I grew up. We'd both lost contact with the various churches where we grew up - me especially, as my family had moved, twice, the second time having to leave me behind to live on my own.

    So the minister didn't know me from a bar of soap. I knew his organist, I knew the choir people, I knew a lot of the congregation - but we no longer went to that church (too far from where I'd been scratching out a living in the city).

    So of course the minister wanted to counsel us. "Where are you living?"
    We gave the address. The same one.
    "Hm," he said. "There's a lot of that going around these days. And you have a best man - who is he and where does he live?"
    We gave him the details - the best man was sharing a three-bedroom place with us. Same address. By now the minister's eyebrows were climbing into his hairline.

    I'm sure he must have had misgivings, thinking we were living in some permissive free love hippie household, but he did perform the ceremony for us.

    When easy child was born a few years later, husband & I still didn't have a church of our own to belong to, so we had her christened back in my old parish, with the same minister. He seemed surprised and flattered we'd thought of him, and we felt vindicated - we were still married (to each other) and had now brought our child along.

    He retired soon after, probably still thinking odd things about us, but frankly, it doesn't matter. What matters is we got married, to each other, we're happy still after 30 years, OUR opinions of each other count for far more.

  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    You have to jump through hoops in life to get what you want. This is a good lesson for this young couple. Best of luck!
    I'm sending wisdom, patience and clarity so you don't stress out over it all.
    Take care.
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Well...Hubby had a talk with #2, explaining the counseling was merely a formality, the pastor needs to get to know you, make sure you've thought of everything involved in maintaining your marriage, you're running out of time, find a pastor already...#2 is dead set that counseling is NOT going to happen. We'll see.

    I guess I knew everything when I was 25, too.
  10. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Heck...I thought I knew everything at 47 but still realize I don't. Hope everything goes ok.

  11. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Why the rush...or is one not suppose to ask?
    Perhaps its best to stay out of it...just help were you can.
    Unitarian sounds like a possibility.

    Side note:
    Someone sent me this recently, and I haven't stopped laughing...hope it creates at least a little laugh
    [ame=""]YouTube - Best Wedding Dance... Ever?[/ame]
  12. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member