We have "spoken" much about...what is the win for them to treat us like dirt? We have all had many answers, but nobody knows for sure why they feel so good being so mean to us. I have come to believe a win for them is when they can get to us and make us think about them too much. My mother definitely was like this. She loved to act one way then move in for the kill, at least to me. I won't lie. I doubt she did this to anyone else in FOO except my dad. She was darn mean to him too. In my case, I know she was both infuriated and jealous at my extremely close relationship with her own mother who favored her brother (my Uncle) and me over her. That would even come out in her words at times. She fought her "my mother loves brother more than me" all her life. I heard her arguing with Grandma while she was in a nursing home about this...at the end of Grandma's life. I was standing outside in the hall. But she also resented how much Grandma took my side when Mother was mean to me. And she took it out on me in spades. The win was that she was my mother and it hurt me that she did not love me. And she would show me this to the grave. I don't want to give anyone the "you're in my head" win anymore. Thoughts?