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Family of Origin
The win and the loss
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 676267" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I think we all have an inborn personality, Copa, and intelligence. I do not have a super high IQ (although my verbal IQ is high). I am very creative (as I think we all are here) and think outside of the box. I think you, as well as I, could see at an early age that our mothers were not "right." I knew very young that my brother was unusual too...he did not act like you typical little boy. I have often wondered if he has Aspergers, but his therapist of many years has told him he does not. I don't know if that is true or not, but he has never been diagnosed with it so I can't say he has that. But he and I were buddies when young because he liked to play with me and neither of us had friends. I knew my parents were not like the parents I saw on television. I felt my mother's dislike. I did not have a docile personality. I was always a fighter for myself and spoke back and spoke my mind. My mother didn't like it (shrug).</p><p></p><p>My brother never criticized her. Maybe he had no need as she treated him like he was a form of a Jewish Jesus Christ. She had many Golden People in her life and some Scapegoats, in which me and my father were two.</p><p></p><p>My sister was largely ignored from what I remember as a child. She was the stereotypical "lost child" who never spoke back, tried to find solace with friends, and desperately wanted Mommy to love her so she did not say anything to tick her off. Shes was not beloved as a child, but not picked on because she was docile. On the surface she still is. She is your typical passive-aggressive.</p><p></p><p>Our different personalities helped AND harmed us. Mine made me a pariah in my FOO, but I eventually shown in my own life, far from them. After my first marriage, which was not good but at least ended amicably, I was able to think I deserved love again and experienced true, unconditional love for t he first time and made a great family. I have had it for twenty years.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime, my more docile sibs do not have that and are afraid of intimacy. My mother never found true love either. She met a man she claimed to love who cheated on her. These things did not happen to me. I was careful about who I got close to the second time around and first husband was just not a cheater. Nor was I.</p><p></p><p>Copa, in the end, we were t he fighters and the stronger ones. And our fragile, weak mothers didn't like it and our sisters didn't like our successes. So we got picked on and we loved them so we cared, but caring can only last so long.</p><p>Caring for those who care not for us gets old. I'm over it.</p><p></p><p>My dad thinks I have his genes. He is 91 and clear of head. I could be around thirty more years. I am not going to spend those thirty years pouting about who doesn't or didn't like me. That is a waste of my life and it would be a waste of anyone's life.</p><p></p><p>You are very smart, Copa.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 676267, member: 1550"] I think we all have an inborn personality, Copa, and intelligence. I do not have a super high IQ (although my verbal IQ is high). I am very creative (as I think we all are here) and think outside of the box. I think you, as well as I, could see at an early age that our mothers were not "right." I knew very young that my brother was unusual too...he did not act like you typical little boy. I have often wondered if he has Aspergers, but his therapist of many years has told him he does not. I don't know if that is true or not, but he has never been diagnosed with it so I can't say he has that. But he and I were buddies when young because he liked to play with me and neither of us had friends. I knew my parents were not like the parents I saw on television. I felt my mother's dislike. I did not have a docile personality. I was always a fighter for myself and spoke back and spoke my mind. My mother didn't like it (shrug). My brother never criticized her. Maybe he had no need as she treated him like he was a form of a Jewish Jesus Christ. She had many Golden People in her life and some Scapegoats, in which me and my father were two. My sister was largely ignored from what I remember as a child. She was the stereotypical "lost child" who never spoke back, tried to find solace with friends, and desperately wanted Mommy to love her so she did not say anything to tick her off. Shes was not beloved as a child, but not picked on because she was docile. On the surface she still is. She is your typical passive-aggressive. Our different personalities helped AND harmed us. Mine made me a pariah in my FOO, but I eventually shown in my own life, far from them. After my first marriage, which was not good but at least ended amicably, I was able to think I deserved love again and experienced true, unconditional love for t he first time and made a great family. I have had it for twenty years. In the meantime, my more docile sibs do not have that and are afraid of intimacy. My mother never found true love either. She met a man she claimed to love who cheated on her. These things did not happen to me. I was careful about who I got close to the second time around and first husband was just not a cheater. Nor was I. Copa, in the end, we were t he fighters and the stronger ones. And our fragile, weak mothers didn't like it and our sisters didn't like our successes. So we got picked on and we loved them so we cared, but caring can only last so long. Caring for those who care not for us gets old. I'm over it. My dad thinks I have his genes. He is 91 and clear of head. I could be around thirty more years. I am not going to spend those thirty years pouting about who doesn't or didn't like me. That is a waste of my life and it would be a waste of anyone's life. You are very smart, Copa. [/QUOTE]
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