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Family of Origin
The win and the loss
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 676360" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Copa it helped me to replay the memory in front of a witness. That is where Maya and the black lady from Matrix and Lisa came in. Unless we can know, when we review traumatic memories, that the abusers were wrong, I believe we re-traumatize ourselves every time we review the memory. We do not <em>know</em> another way to think about what happened to us. Those were our parents, our sibs, betraying everything decent to service their own grandiosity or whatever their win is.</p><p></p><p>But whatever their win was Copa, it was our loss.</p><p></p><p>Find a series of witnesses you can imagine watching that adult who was your abuser abuse that little girl ~ thirty to fifty pounds soaking wet ~ who was you. Watch their faces, Copa. That is how I learned just how wrong what happened to me was.</p><p></p><p>Maya. The black lady from Matrix, smoking and laughing and baking cookies ~ but she has seen it all.</p><p></p><p>Lisa: "Not acceptable."</p><p></p><p>If you can find witness Copa, those feelings will change. You will see yourself being hurt through the eyes of your witness. You will never again see yourself being hurt through your abuser's eyes. Everytime you see yourself that way, the initial abuse is made true all over again. Once you have a witness, every time you think of the abusive incidents you will see through the eyes of your witness and heal more.</p><p></p><p>And that will change everything.</p><p></p><p>I am happy this is happening for you, Copa. It would not be happening now if you were not ready to heal it.</p><p></p><p>It is very hard.</p><p></p><p>It is worth it, Copa.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 676360, member: 17461"] Copa it helped me to replay the memory in front of a witness. That is where Maya and the black lady from Matrix and Lisa came in. Unless we can know, when we review traumatic memories, that the abusers were wrong, I believe we re-traumatize ourselves every time we review the memory. We do not [I]know[/I] another way to think about what happened to us. Those were our parents, our sibs, betraying everything decent to service their own grandiosity or whatever their win is. But whatever their win was Copa, it was our loss. Find a series of witnesses you can imagine watching that adult who was your abuser abuse that little girl ~ thirty to fifty pounds soaking wet ~ who was you. Watch their faces, Copa. That is how I learned just how wrong what happened to me was. Maya. The black lady from Matrix, smoking and laughing and baking cookies ~ but she has seen it all. Lisa: "Not acceptable." If you can find witness Copa, those feelings will change. You will see yourself being hurt through the eyes of your witness. You will never again see yourself being hurt through your abuser's eyes. Everytime you see yourself that way, the initial abuse is made true all over again. Once you have a witness, every time you think of the abusive incidents you will see through the eyes of your witness and heal more. And that will change everything. I am happy this is happening for you, Copa. It would not be happening now if you were not ready to heal it. It is very hard. It is worth it, Copa. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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