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Family of Origin
The win and the loss
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 676472" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Cedar, I think my mother was a woman of extremes and black and whites. If I were actually into diagnosing...she had lots of borderline traits...that's as far as I'll go on this forum. She over=loved my brother. He was brilliant, nice, perfect to her. Yes, I heard her actually saying things that meant this. And he over-loved her. I often wonder if she is not the reason he has never had a romantic relationship of any kind. She squeezed the life out of him...he was just so beloved by her. She had others she loved that much too, mostly men. She also had my father painted black as night. As well as me.</p><p></p><p>From where I sit and what I've observed and what I heard from her, she always had her "all white" favorites, even among the grands whom she actually did see (thankfully they were not my kids). Interestingly, her fav grand, or t he one she bragged about the most to me, was a girl. Even when I was calling her, and she refused to ever call me back, sometimes she forgot it was ME she was talking to, and she would spill her guts and it was always about how wonderful this one grand was or how brilliant her long term boyfriend was (he eventually cheated on her). But she never cut HIM off just like Sis never cut off her very abusive boyfriend. Doesn't make sense, but because they painted ME black, and did not paint their boyfriend's black, they were tolerated, even loved. Is that a normal love? I don't think adoring those who hurt you so much is a good thing.</p><p></p><p>I don't think they know how to love normally. But in my case, my mother did love, although it often was not a healthy love. She could hate too. Very much...lol..</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 676472, member: 1550"] Cedar, I think my mother was a woman of extremes and black and whites. If I were actually into diagnosing...she had lots of borderline traits...that's as far as I'll go on this forum. She over=loved my brother. He was brilliant, nice, perfect to her. Yes, I heard her actually saying things that meant this. And he over-loved her. I often wonder if she is not the reason he has never had a romantic relationship of any kind. She squeezed the life out of him...he was just so beloved by her. She had others she loved that much too, mostly men. She also had my father painted black as night. As well as me. From where I sit and what I've observed and what I heard from her, she always had her "all white" favorites, even among the grands whom she actually did see (thankfully they were not my kids). Interestingly, her fav grand, or t he one she bragged about the most to me, was a girl. Even when I was calling her, and she refused to ever call me back, sometimes she forgot it was ME she was talking to, and she would spill her guts and it was always about how wonderful this one grand was or how brilliant her long term boyfriend was (he eventually cheated on her). But she never cut HIM off just like Sis never cut off her very abusive boyfriend. Doesn't make sense, but because they painted ME black, and did not paint their boyfriend's black, they were tolerated, even loved. Is that a normal love? I don't think adoring those who hurt you so much is a good thing. I don't think they know how to love normally. But in my case, my mother did love, although it often was not a healthy love. She could hate too. Very much...lol.. [/QUOTE]
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The win and the loss
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