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Family of Origin
The win and the loss
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 676504" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi all, I have been following along reading, and late to posting again.</p><p>Had a lot on my plate, literally and figuratively (UHG Holiday goodies). But, I am working at reclaiming strength, rebuilding.</p><p>I think that is why I did not want to focus on the issues of my past, I had enough to deal with through the festivities, and feeling very <em>unfestive</em>, if you know what I mean.</p><p>I like your comparison with the wizard, Cedar, (well it is from my all time favorite movie). But, mostly, I like it because my relationship with my sis, has been puzzling at times. Like the wizard, she has done some good deeds, and there are endearing qualities she possesses, mixed in with some disturbing things, albeit. For me, examining this has been somewhat freeing, but also imprisoning, as I battle with what went on, <em>and the fact that I still love my sister</em>. What a strange place to be in.....I am searching for a descriptive and this is what I found from Steel Magnolias, Ouiser Boudreaux, seems folks put up with her, but she was also the talk of the town, folks knew what her makeup was, what she was capable of, both not nice, and nice deeds.</p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]njmzcD4eY94[/MEDIA]</p><p>but she was a crusty character, with some good traits......reminds me too, of the rapidly rising power figures at work, or non- profits, it is amazing how many folks see them for what they are, the hidden agendas and self promotion at the expense of their victims. Do they see themselves this way? I do not think so. They feel they are the <em>victims.</em> They have to, otherwise how could they continue in their machinations? It is the stuff many a novel is written of. What is the win for them?</p><p></p><p>What is the win for people like some of our family members? I truly do not think there ever is a win, guys.</p><p></p><p>I have come to think of folks<em> like this,</em> (and the world has more than it's fair share of them) operating from this<em> emptiness</em>, like a GIANT black hole, that can never be filled, or satisfied. It must be miserable, to feel this way. A never ending need, to suck happiness and joy from their targets, or the need to control people, or to have this feeling of entitlement, to whatever they want, no matter what they have to do to get it. Garnering up soldiers to support them, if one is not on their "side" one is then targeted.</p><p>I am writing of my sis already claiming family treasures, like the seagulls in "Finding Nemo" "Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine." How sad. What win is in that....nothing.</p><p>Oh heavens, I still haven't fixed my keyboard.....today, blood test..keyboard...anyway,</p><p>I digress and switch to my phone....sorry.</p><p></p><p>I am wondering, if you sisters are like me, and seem to run into folks bearing uncanny resemblance to FOO, in their actions, how they treat, and view you, or other unfortunate souls on their radar?</p><p>I am feeling like a <em>magnate</em> is attached to me, for this. Am I putting out pheromones, or subconciously seeking out people with this, this, what the heck is it, a gene? Am I re enacting my childhood, so to speak? Or is life just throwing this stuff at me, so that I complete this lesson? Pass the test?</p><p>Or, are there just so many people out there in the world, who operate under the same m.o. ?</p><p></p><p>I found this article, which I thought interesting....... <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sense-and-sensitivity/201305/the-relationship-between-sensitive-people-and-narcissists" target="_blank">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sense-and-sensitivity/201305/the-relationship-between-sensitive-people-and-narcissists</a></p><p></p><p>so, understanding this, knowing the "win" is not ever achieved by folks like my sis, it is more about trying desperately to fill a void within themselves, that only<em> they can fill, by loving themselves.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>It helps a bit to know these things, and to focus on the only control I have, and that is to try harder to live my life to the best of my ability. To focus on what is the win for me, to be a decent, kind and loving person, despite all of the "Finding Nemo" seagulls out there.</p><p></p><p>These people are operating from this emptiness, and there will never be a feeling of a win, or satisfaction.</p><p></p><p>It will always be a game to them, and the trick is, I think, not to be a pawn on <em>their chessboard.</em></p><p></p><p>That is a big win,<em><strong> for us. </strong></em></p><p>JMO,</p><p>leafy.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 676504, member: 19522"] Hi all, I have been following along reading, and late to posting again. Had a lot on my plate, literally and figuratively (UHG Holiday goodies). But, I am working at reclaiming strength, rebuilding. I think that is why I did not want to focus on the issues of my past, I had enough to deal with through the festivities, and feeling very [I]unfestive[/I], if you know what I mean. I like your comparison with the wizard, Cedar, (well it is from my all time favorite movie). But, mostly, I like it because my relationship with my sis, has been puzzling at times. Like the wizard, she has done some good deeds, and there are endearing qualities she possesses, mixed in with some disturbing things, albeit. For me, examining this has been somewhat freeing, but also imprisoning, as I battle with what went on, [I]and the fact that I still love my sister[/I]. What a strange place to be in.....I am searching for a descriptive and this is what I found from Steel Magnolias, Ouiser Boudreaux, seems folks put up with her, but she was also the talk of the town, folks knew what her makeup was, what she was capable of, both not nice, and nice deeds. [MEDIA=youtube]njmzcD4eY94[/MEDIA] but she was a crusty character, with some good traits......reminds me too, of the rapidly rising power figures at work, or non- profits, it is amazing how many folks see them for what they are, the hidden agendas and self promotion at the expense of their victims. Do they see themselves this way? I do not think so. They feel they are the [I]victims.[/I] They have to, otherwise how could they continue in their machinations? It is the stuff many a novel is written of. What is the win for them? What is the win for people like some of our family members? I truly do not think there ever is a win, guys. I have come to think of folks[I] like this,[/I] (and the world has more than it's fair share of them) operating from this[I] emptiness[/I], like a GIANT black hole, that can never be filled, or satisfied. It must be miserable, to feel this way. A never ending need, to suck happiness and joy from their targets, or the need to control people, or to have this feeling of entitlement, to whatever they want, no matter what they have to do to get it. Garnering up soldiers to support them, if one is not on their "side" one is then targeted. I am writing of my sis already claiming family treasures, like the seagulls in "Finding Nemo" "Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine." How sad. What win is in that....nothing. Oh heavens, I still haven't fixed my keyboard.....today, blood test..keyboard...anyway, I digress and switch to my phone....sorry. I am wondering, if you sisters are like me, and seem to run into folks bearing uncanny resemblance to FOO, in their actions, how they treat, and view you, or other unfortunate souls on their radar? I am feeling like a [I]magnate[/I] is attached to me, for this. Am I putting out pheromones, or subconciously seeking out people with this, this, what the heck is it, a gene? Am I re enacting my childhood, so to speak? Or is life just throwing this stuff at me, so that I complete this lesson? Pass the test? Or, are there just so many people out there in the world, who operate under the same m.o. ? I found this article, which I thought interesting....... [URL]https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sense-and-sensitivity/201305/the-relationship-between-sensitive-people-and-narcissists[/URL] so, understanding this, knowing the "win" is not ever achieved by folks like my sis, it is more about trying desperately to fill a void within themselves, that only[I] they can fill, by loving themselves. [/I] It helps a bit to know these things, and to focus on the only control I have, and that is to try harder to live my life to the best of my ability. To focus on what is the win for me, to be a decent, kind and loving person, despite all of the "Finding Nemo" seagulls out there. These people are operating from this emptiness, and there will never be a feeling of a win, or satisfaction. It will always be a game to them, and the trick is, I think, not to be a pawn on [I]their chessboard.[/I] That is a big win,[I][B] for us. [/B][/I] JMO, leafy. [/QUOTE]
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