Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
The win and the loss
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 676525" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>It was not this. She did not compete with others. It was not about status for my mother. She had an absolute sense of her value. She was the favorite child, beloved by both parents. She had always been beautiful but did not mourn at all as she died, in the last months, the loss of her beauty. I guess she could care less at that point (although the remarkable thing was in death she was beautiful again.)</p><p></p><p>She wanted everything for herself. That was her price. Everything. And nothing for you. It was an essential selfishness. She was covetous, not competitive.</p><p></p><p>Like how I talk about value. She was envious of women who had more and better stuff especially if it came from men. Or children. But she never thought she was less than. Only that she deserved more.</p><p></p><p>My whole life I felt I deserved less or nothing at all. Because my mother maintained that she deserved it all. And so did my sister.</p><p></p><p>I know what my mother was, Serenity. It was as much a shock to me as anything in my life how much I loved her. I am learning that this speaks to my ability and willingness to love, as anything else. I am stunned by how I developed this capacity when so little pure love I received. But I had to guard my heart like a safe, because I was so easily hurt. I was so frightened my whole life to love. My poor heart had been so injured. Sad for me. Sad for us.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 676525, member: 18958"] It was not this. She did not compete with others. It was not about status for my mother. She had an absolute sense of her value. She was the favorite child, beloved by both parents. She had always been beautiful but did not mourn at all as she died, in the last months, the loss of her beauty. I guess she could care less at that point (although the remarkable thing was in death she was beautiful again.) She wanted everything for herself. That was her price. Everything. And nothing for you. It was an essential selfishness. She was covetous, not competitive. Like how I talk about value. She was envious of women who had more and better stuff especially if it came from men. Or children. But she never thought she was less than. Only that she deserved more. My whole life I felt I deserved less or nothing at all. Because my mother maintained that she deserved it all. And so did my sister. I know what my mother was, Serenity. It was as much a shock to me as anything in my life how much I loved her. I am learning that this speaks to my ability and willingness to love, as anything else. I am stunned by how I developed this capacity when so little pure love I received. But I had to guard my heart like a safe, because I was so easily hurt. I was so frightened my whole life to love. My poor heart had been so injured. Sad for me. Sad for us. COPA [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
The win and the loss
Top