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Family of Origin
The win and the loss
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 676556" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>This is awesome; huge growth. I am your star. And, if I could, I would have given you infinite stars for all your progress. Copa, you two.</p><p></p><p>I like myself now. I don't know about loving me...I don't like some things I've done while dealing with abusive FOO. I was not docile and accepting of it, like you two and I think I would love myself now if I had been that way.But I fought back. So I just like myself very much...lol. And, yes, I'd want to have me for a friend. That's a good test.</p><p></p><p>After Talking with my dad last night, my sister was apparently quite offended that she was not allowed back into my life AGAIN (after she had cut me off about ten times in our long, sick relationship) after I had my accident. I guess she thought sending flowers (paid for by my father) and contacting my daughter (in an iffy way and my daughter, as do all my kids, dislike my sister)...well, that should have made it all better because SHE reached out, with pressure from Dad. And, of course, in the past all reaching out by her had been successful by me. That I am sticking to my guns this time, and that my family are fantastic gatekeepers and looking out for my best needs, especially while I was so sick, disturbs her.</p><p></p><p>She thinks the flowers can erase the words, the cops, the fact that we felt best moving away from her so we left the state, the refusal to take ANY responsibility, and not ever sticking up for me to our mother....flowers don't make up f or all the stuff I have been through with her. Obviously, she had no obligation to stick up for me when my mother was so cruel to me and said such awful things about me, but, if you really love me as your sister, in my opinion you would. I would have. I did, before my mother liked my sister. If you don't like me enough to contradict my mother talking about my being "bad" then why did I ever let you into my life at all? And the multiplae police calls to shut me up, the anger for such little things that others did but got away with, and her meanness in general...sorry.Done.</p><p></p><p>Nothing can make it up and she will never be allowed back, even if I'm dying. Especially if. I can't hurt over her anymore. I'm done. And I'll bet it bothers her lots that she has no control over my life anymore and no way to batter my heart from here on out. Being a sick person, she longs for control over me and keeps trying.</p><p></p><p>As for brother, if he wants to forgive sis for not inviting him to her wedding because he was "gross and ugly" and wants to think I did worse things (I didn't), then that is his business and I haven't seen him much since he moved east. I don't need him in my life either.</p><p></p><p>Really. At least my brother leaves me alone. Except for sister trying to fire him up, I'm sure I don't reside in his head.</p><p></p><p>What sick families we had and still have. We need to be good to ourselves and to each other and remind each other not to try to make our FOO what it is not and has never been and to maybe just stay away for our own sake.</p><p></p><p>That is OUR win, ladies. Taking care of ourselves and keeping the abusers away unless there is some obvious change, apology, something to show us things are different. Most of all, what they say or think about us is none of our business and doesn't matter. They see us from their own perspective, which is their right, however I know first hand it does not make their perception correct. They did not live our lives and are just taking guesses, often mean ones. On purpose. They were not there. We were.</p><p></p><p>WE ROCK!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 676556, member: 1550"] This is awesome; huge growth. I am your star. And, if I could, I would have given you infinite stars for all your progress. Copa, you two. I like myself now. I don't know about loving me...I don't like some things I've done while dealing with abusive FOO. I was not docile and accepting of it, like you two and I think I would love myself now if I had been that way.But I fought back. So I just like myself very much...lol. And, yes, I'd want to have me for a friend. That's a good test. After Talking with my dad last night, my sister was apparently quite offended that she was not allowed back into my life AGAIN (after she had cut me off about ten times in our long, sick relationship) after I had my accident. I guess she thought sending flowers (paid for by my father) and contacting my daughter (in an iffy way and my daughter, as do all my kids, dislike my sister)...well, that should have made it all better because SHE reached out, with pressure from Dad. And, of course, in the past all reaching out by her had been successful by me. That I am sticking to my guns this time, and that my family are fantastic gatekeepers and looking out for my best needs, especially while I was so sick, disturbs her. She thinks the flowers can erase the words, the cops, the fact that we felt best moving away from her so we left the state, the refusal to take ANY responsibility, and not ever sticking up for me to our mother....flowers don't make up f or all the stuff I have been through with her. Obviously, she had no obligation to stick up for me when my mother was so cruel to me and said such awful things about me, but, if you really love me as your sister, in my opinion you would. I would have. I did, before my mother liked my sister. If you don't like me enough to contradict my mother talking about my being "bad" then why did I ever let you into my life at all? And the multiplae police calls to shut me up, the anger for such little things that others did but got away with, and her meanness in general...sorry.Done. Nothing can make it up and she will never be allowed back, even if I'm dying. Especially if. I can't hurt over her anymore. I'm done. And I'll bet it bothers her lots that she has no control over my life anymore and no way to batter my heart from here on out. Being a sick person, she longs for control over me and keeps trying. As for brother, if he wants to forgive sis for not inviting him to her wedding because he was "gross and ugly" and wants to think I did worse things (I didn't), then that is his business and I haven't seen him much since he moved east. I don't need him in my life either. Really. At least my brother leaves me alone. Except for sister trying to fire him up, I'm sure I don't reside in his head. What sick families we had and still have. We need to be good to ourselves and to each other and remind each other not to try to make our FOO what it is not and has never been and to maybe just stay away for our own sake. That is OUR win, ladies. Taking care of ourselves and keeping the abusers away unless there is some obvious change, apology, something to show us things are different. Most of all, what they say or think about us is none of our business and doesn't matter. They see us from their own perspective, which is their right, however I know first hand it does not make their perception correct. They did not live our lives and are just taking guesses, often mean ones. On purpose. They were not there. We were. WE ROCK!!!! [/QUOTE]
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