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The worst type of abuse against parents that nobody really understands
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 691647" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>SWOT, your story about Gone Boy has always made me very sad for you, and angry for you as well. Your love and pain come through after all these years. I was one of the ones who "voted" for leaving him out of your will because...well...in the end...he isn't family after all. How painful. How horrible. </p><p></p><p>My dad's family used to stop speaking to each other when they were angry, sometimes for years at a time. WE lived far from them and when we visited every few years it was like...we can see Betty and Sharon but not Sue, (names made up) because no one is talking to Sue. OR..we can see Sue but not tell. </p><p></p><p>I thought this was madness, a sign of inferior beings. </p><p></p><p>Later my dad employed that tactic with us...he would stop speaking to one of us, his kids, often over something we didn't know about. It could go on for year, and then end. He was, randomly, not speaking to one of my sisters when he died suddenly. She has never really recovered.</p><p></p><p>When I met my SO he wasn't speaking to his step mom or step sister, who had been his family since age 10. I was like...what the heck? I didn't know that happened anywhere but in my dad's deranged family.</p><p></p><p>And now..I get to the point of this story...which is that SO's young adult daughter, whom I have often wondered if she is a Difficult Child in disguise, started telling him lies...significant ones, hurtful ones, right around when she had her baby. They piled up and pile up until the most significant lie...that she was engaging in a relationship with a woman who had tried everything to ruin his life in a case of "women scorned" a few years back. She had threatened his work, his friends, and had claimed that he broke into her house and raped her. He eventually got a restraining order against her. And now his daughter was sending her loving facebook messages. Secretly...kind of. But actually...on facebook. </p><p></p><p>We both realized that she wanted nothing to do with us and this was how she was doing it. It was so hurtful and astounding. He tried to talking to her...his only daughter, his only grandchild. And now....nothing. The angry vicious attacker has taken the daughter and granddaughter. My SO is lost...(and I am dreading father's day). Why? We don't know. It may be that we held her to high standards...go to school. Save money for your baby. Do better. Be better. It may have been too much pressure for her. We can't know. But she has cut us off, and he hasn't seen her or his granddaughter in 6 months.</p><p></p><p>I guess..I am just on this thread A because I have so much love and respect for you, SWOT, that I always read your posts even when I don't comment, and B because sharing this kind of horror helps a little. I can't help SO, other than to seek help myself so that I can be there for him. </p><p></p><p>Parent abuse. Yes indeed. We all made parenting mistakes, but really, we all gave so much, gave up so much...loved so much, tried so much. To have the recipient of all that give us a "<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> off" is horrible.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry, SWOT, for your pain and your memories. Sorry about the destructive wife. Sorry your loving giving heart was stomped on. WE are not given to know why.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 691647, member: 17269"] SWOT, your story about Gone Boy has always made me very sad for you, and angry for you as well. Your love and pain come through after all these years. I was one of the ones who "voted" for leaving him out of your will because...well...in the end...he isn't family after all. How painful. How horrible. My dad's family used to stop speaking to each other when they were angry, sometimes for years at a time. WE lived far from them and when we visited every few years it was like...we can see Betty and Sharon but not Sue, (names made up) because no one is talking to Sue. OR..we can see Sue but not tell. I thought this was madness, a sign of inferior beings. Later my dad employed that tactic with us...he would stop speaking to one of us, his kids, often over something we didn't know about. It could go on for year, and then end. He was, randomly, not speaking to one of my sisters when he died suddenly. She has never really recovered. When I met my SO he wasn't speaking to his step mom or step sister, who had been his family since age 10. I was like...what the heck? I didn't know that happened anywhere but in my dad's deranged family. And now..I get to the point of this story...which is that SO's young adult daughter, whom I have often wondered if she is a Difficult Child in disguise, started telling him lies...significant ones, hurtful ones, right around when she had her baby. They piled up and pile up until the most significant lie...that she was engaging in a relationship with a woman who had tried everything to ruin his life in a case of "women scorned" a few years back. She had threatened his work, his friends, and had claimed that he broke into her house and raped her. He eventually got a restraining order against her. And now his daughter was sending her loving facebook messages. Secretly...kind of. But actually...on facebook. We both realized that she wanted nothing to do with us and this was how she was doing it. It was so hurtful and astounding. He tried to talking to her...his only daughter, his only grandchild. And now....nothing. The angry vicious attacker has taken the daughter and granddaughter. My SO is lost...(and I am dreading father's day). Why? We don't know. It may be that we held her to high standards...go to school. Save money for your baby. Do better. Be better. It may have been too much pressure for her. We can't know. But she has cut us off, and he hasn't seen her or his granddaughter in 6 months. I guess..I am just on this thread A because I have so much love and respect for you, SWOT, that I always read your posts even when I don't comment, and B because sharing this kind of horror helps a little. I can't help SO, other than to seek help myself so that I can be there for him. Parent abuse. Yes indeed. We all made parenting mistakes, but really, we all gave so much, gave up so much...loved so much, tried so much. To have the recipient of all that give us a ":censored2: off" is horrible. I am sorry, SWOT, for your pain and your memories. Sorry about the destructive wife. Sorry your loving giving heart was stomped on. WE are not given to know why. Echo [/QUOTE]
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