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The worst type of abuse against parents that nobody really understands
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 691685" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>SWOT, we are all such a product of our experiences. Your wisdom, and the fine and direct edge you put on many of your comments (which I appreciate) come from all you have endured and experienced. I respect that. </p><p></p><p>I can't imagine being estranged from a family member long-term, and I remember over the years hearing about that happening in different scenarios. I was young and naive and I hadn't experienced much of life, and I was outspoken in my horror at such a thing. Then I and my mother (my most favorite and beloved person!) had a very very serious disagreement that felt seminal and went to the core of me, and although we lived in the same town, she and I didn't talk for about six months. Looking back, I needed that definite separation and so did she, and now we have a very wonderful and close relationship. Then my father, who has a very serious anger problem, and I were estranged after he pitched a fit here at my house on a visit here for two nights. He hasn't really changed, and I have forgiven him and I love my dad, even with all of his faults but I also am very cautious and have established some real boundaries for myself with him. </p><p></p><p>After I divorced, I was abandoned by several close friends. One couple in particular, I went to , and I asked them to include me in their lives still, and I was so vulnerable with them. It never happened, and so I was devastated twice in that situation. Today, I see them around town, and we speak politely, and it still stings, but not much.</p><p></p><p>I just posted the Tyler Perry Madea depiction of the roles of people in our lives. </p><p></p><p>When I even consider the possibility of being estranged from either of my sons, it hurts just to even think about it. I cannot imagine the pain you went through, SWOT. I am so sorry for that. He is missing so much in his life, not knowing you and being with you and the rest of the family. </p><p></p><p>I don't know why people do what they do. I think you did the best right thing by letting him go. I so understand that. What else could you do, really? We cannot force people to do things. I think that is the most fundamental thing I have learned through this awful journey. We cannot persuade, convince, manipulate, threaten, reason with, coerce enough to make someone do "the right thing." It just plain does not work. It isn't real. It isn't authentic. People have choices. They and we make them, and then we all have to live with the fallout, and so much of it is devastating pain.</p><p></p><p>There must be some purpose in all of this, and I think long-term we become much more mature people with the ability to stay inside healthy boundaries. Which is a good thing for all of our relationships. Today, my husband and I talk about scenarios where there are "people problems" and 99% of the time we conclude that the boundaries are nonexistent or poor. That seems to be the crux of so many problems between people.</p><p></p><p>I respect your story, and I respect you SWOT. Warm hugs and gratitude for the many people who believe in you and value you for the warrior you are.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 691685, member: 17542"] SWOT, we are all such a product of our experiences. Your wisdom, and the fine and direct edge you put on many of your comments (which I appreciate) come from all you have endured and experienced. I respect that. I can't imagine being estranged from a family member long-term, and I remember over the years hearing about that happening in different scenarios. I was young and naive and I hadn't experienced much of life, and I was outspoken in my horror at such a thing. Then I and my mother (my most favorite and beloved person!) had a very very serious disagreement that felt seminal and went to the core of me, and although we lived in the same town, she and I didn't talk for about six months. Looking back, I needed that definite separation and so did she, and now we have a very wonderful and close relationship. Then my father, who has a very serious anger problem, and I were estranged after he pitched a fit here at my house on a visit here for two nights. He hasn't really changed, and I have forgiven him and I love my dad, even with all of his faults but I also am very cautious and have established some real boundaries for myself with him. After I divorced, I was abandoned by several close friends. One couple in particular, I went to , and I asked them to include me in their lives still, and I was so vulnerable with them. It never happened, and so I was devastated twice in that situation. Today, I see them around town, and we speak politely, and it still stings, but not much. I just posted the Tyler Perry Madea depiction of the roles of people in our lives. When I even consider the possibility of being estranged from either of my sons, it hurts just to even think about it. I cannot imagine the pain you went through, SWOT. I am so sorry for that. He is missing so much in his life, not knowing you and being with you and the rest of the family. I don't know why people do what they do. I think you did the best right thing by letting him go. I so understand that. What else could you do, really? We cannot force people to do things. I think that is the most fundamental thing I have learned through this awful journey. We cannot persuade, convince, manipulate, threaten, reason with, coerce enough to make someone do "the right thing." It just plain does not work. It isn't real. It isn't authentic. People have choices. They and we make them, and then we all have to live with the fallout, and so much of it is devastating pain. There must be some purpose in all of this, and I think long-term we become much more mature people with the ability to stay inside healthy boundaries. Which is a good thing for all of our relationships. Today, my husband and I talk about scenarios where there are "people problems" and 99% of the time we conclude that the boundaries are nonexistent or poor. That seems to be the crux of so many problems between people. I respect your story, and I respect you SWOT. Warm hugs and gratitude for the many people who believe in you and value you for the warrior you are. [/QUOTE]
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The worst type of abuse against parents that nobody really understands
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