Yes, there are more that you do not know about; it is impossible to catch them every time.
Since these thefts are happening at school, the school can call the police. You do not need the parents to press charges.
I spoke with the Vice Principal yesterday - he said that if the item was not something that belonged to the school, then the school can not press theft charges.
I did re-iterate to him to please let the other parents know that I HIGHLY urge and want them to press charges. His response, he can not tell that to the other parents because of confidentiality (whatever!), but that he told them that they did have the option of pressing charges - however he said that he does not feel they will, because they were just glad to get the North Face jacket back.
And then a bit later, he calls me back, oh, they just found ANOTHER item she stole!!! Oh come on now, really?
So as I type this, the school is still in 'fact finding' status, figuring out all that she's stolen, etc - and will hopefully call me Monday and dole out their consequences. (whoopeedeedooodah! I'm sure it will be just more school suspension)
PMIC staff did go and do a locker search, and they did not find my debit card. I don't even know that difficult child has been notified that I suspect that there is a slight possibility that she stole it from me, I plan on telling her on Friday at counseling session. We didn't tell her, because I was concerned that it would be something VERY easy for her to dispose of before she got caught with it. Thankfully the card has been 'shut off' and I am awaiting a new one to be mailed - no charges on it that I know of at this point. I pray my stressed butt just lost it and it pops up somewhere at home eventually.
Regarding drugs - I just do not see it. And I'm not just being a 'blind parent' turning my head. BUT I'm not saying it would be entirely impossible for her to do drugs, but difficult child's overall maturity level is quite low, and the only opportunity she'd have to do drugs would be at school, however she doesn't skip classes at this point, so only during class changeover could she - but I don't see it, but won't say 'not my kid' - I'll put this in the back of my head, and bring it up at counseling this Friday. Depending on her body language and gestures when this topic is brought up, I'm sure the counselor and I will be able to decide if we feel a drug test could be beneficial.
Worst case scenario, get a copy of the incident documented within difficult child's
disciplinary school records. Just get it documented somewhere and
someplace for future references. Make sure the monetary value of the
item is included as stealing related charges increase as the value
of the stolen good(s) increase.
Yea I do believe they are/have been documenting all the thefts from school. We just did her IEP on 5/7 and under behavior, at my dire request that it be included, it does discuss the 2 demerits she had received by that day and about her stealing/consequences, and that documentation should continue.
get a drug test and make her do it or take her to the pediatrician and make them drug test her. Check to see if there are any suspicious charges on the debit card and call the bank. Have school call the police or have the school resource officer arrest her (our resource officers are police officers who are stationed in the schools to do this kind of thing).
talk to the therapist/psychiatrist to see what they say. Remove as many privileges and non-basic possessions as you can. I would take all her electronics - phone, mp3 player, any stereo she may have, tv, computer, ALL of it would go for my child.
Is she stealing from stores that you have caught yet? My son did that. Twice. Once was from a dollar store in a city over an hour away where we stopped after I had an appointment in town. husband drove him back to the store to return it, pay for it, and take whatever consequences they wanted to give. The manager is an idiot because even though they have signs posted that shoplifting will be prosecuted, she kept trying to process a return and give them money. We were not amused with her.
The second time was from a used bookstore that I LOVE. My fave bookstore in the WORLD. I was embarrassed and LIVID! This time I drove him down. We went in and I made HIM tell them what he did. The lady who talked to him is amazing. She used to be a biker, helped her SO raise his boys, has seen and handled everything. She actually made an impact with him. I rose to from good customer to preferred customer. The story of me marching him in is now almost a legend there. They deal with a lot of shoplifting because people think because it is used that no one gets hurt. Apparently many parents get angry with them when their little darlings are caught stealing. Even if darling is a teenager.
Make her face the music. If she steals from you then YOU need to press charges.
This is so hard to deal with. I am sorry.
Susiestar, I responded above about the drug testing.
What is this school resource officer you talk about? A police officer? do most schools have them?
As for prior stealing - oh yeah! I'd say at the age of 9 or so, she stole something from the local gas station, on 2 different occasions. Both times I marched her butt up there, had her apologize to the manager, and both times I requested them to call the police to talk with-her, the first time they wouldn't as it was her 'first offense' but the second time they listened to me and did call them, though the police were all nicey nice to her.
After those, and through out the course of the years following, she's stolen items from home while here, usually my make up, my jewelry, just little things. And this continues to be a problem when she comes home for visits so I now remove items that she regularly steals and put them in a hidden places.
I also remember like 1 1/2 years ago when she became physically violent in one of her rages and she was sent to Shelter for a few days that she even stole some undergarments from another kid there.
And there was one time an incident where she stole a swim suit from a friend/neighbor we had at the time.
Now, here's the kicker, EVERY item she has stolen at this point, has been returned to it's rightful owner - thank God! But I just don't get it, it's not like she lacks clothing, make up, etc - the items she steals she already owns, maybe not the exact color/style, but she's got it.
And it boggles my mind that each time she is confronted about an item that she is being accused of stealing - she will lie/manipulate/cry/scream/promise/etc that she didn't do it, and this can and does go on for hours! BUT eventually, and too late in my opinion, the truth does come out. But she never has appeared remorseful towards her 'victims'.
She's been at this PMIC since Sept 09, and she's at a new school district, because of location - and this is where she's broadening her theft horizons and stealing from peers at school.
I keep asking PMIC staff if I can please go through all of my daughter's belongings in her room at PMIC, so I can go thru and mark which one's I KNOW FOR SURE that I gave her or that she received from family, and then I want to go through the 'not sure' stuff and fact find it all to find out whether it was a stolen item or something someone gave her. But they WON'T LET ME!
(and an angry face, but not sure how to do that on this board, lol)
I think it's my parental right to do so, but PMIC staff say they can't due to confidentiality because she has a roommate. But my comeback to that is, I won't be touching anything on the roommates side of the room and i won't do it when the roommate is there. So what is the issue? Does anyone know,
what are my rights in regard to this?
