therapist Appointment Last Night

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Bunny, Nov 6, 2013.

  1. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    Ugh!! I guess I should be grateful that he really opened up to her, but I'm not sure it did any good. A whole session of what a sucky mother I am and why he's always right, and I'm always wrong. Everything is my fault. He's changed for the better and I've done nothing. I finally looked at him and said, "difficult child, you have no idea what you're talking about." Even the therapist said that she didn't think that was fair statement from him because I've changed, but it's in small ways that have helped quite a bit. He would hear none of it. Nope. It couldn't possibly be his fault.

    She he did give me some suggestions that it will try to implement, most of which are pretty easy in theory.

    I'm feeling so defeated this morning. No matter what I do it's never, ever enough for difficult child. I'm so done right now.
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Bunny -

    First (((Hugs)))

    Second, difficult child's 'stamp of approval' (or lack thereof) has absolutely no bearing on your job as a parent, and frankly, it bothers me that counseors allow kids to have so much power and input over their parents.

    My difficult child used to love to compare herself to me all the time (as though we were in some sort of competition). I do _______ better than my Mom! or Well, I keep trying to do _____ but my Mom is better than me. To which I would respond "Just do your best for yourself, it is not a competition." but difficult child would go on and on - regaling anyone who would listen (yep, especially tdocs who would go on to suggest that I needed to use these activities as a chance for 'bonding' and 'quality time' - pppffftt!)

    But finally, one day somebody put difficult child in her place. difficult child had once again launched into a speech about all the things she does that are better than Mom, and this woman stopped her in her tracks. She said that Mom had many years of education and experience that difficult child had not had - and it was completely disrespectful for difficult child to be comparing herself to Mom. difficult child owed both of her parents love and respect, even if the parents were not the "best" in some area that difficult child felt was lacking.

    And even though your therapist seems to have forgotten this - it is still true. You have had many years of experience and education that your son has not had. YOU do NOT need to be compared to your son's abilities or standards or progress. Your son still owes you love and respect, even if he feels that somehow, your "progress" is not quite up to his child-size standards.
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    Thanks, Daisy. I know you're right, and I do think that the therapist knows that you're right, but I think this is something that difficult child is just never going to see. Am I the perfect mother? Heck, no! There are days when I don't even try for perfection. Most days I'm just trying to get through, but the whole, "It's all her fault" argument is truly getting very, very old.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Bunny... did you see Susiestar's post about her son recently? The one who's now over 20 and... "gets" it?

    Never say never...
  5. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    You mean there's hope? LOL!
  6. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Before we moved to WA we lived in a very small town in KY. While we were there easy child, difficult child, and I all saw the same Dr. Occasionally we would all three go in for a session together. During those sessions I would often get aggravated with the tdocs thoughts on what I should change to accommodate easy child and difficult child's moods/needs. The funny thing about it was that I think he was working us against one another. IE: when I was with him he would freely acknowledge that difficult child blamed me for everything and was completely unrealistic. I don't know for sure but when difficult child was with him he would most likely listen to her and let her get her stuff off her chest. Same with easy child. I think it was less about him telling difficult child that she was right and more about letting everyone feel ok.

    Long story short easy child loved him difficult child tolerated him and I liked him. We on the other hand didn't actually learn much or gain anything from it.
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hugs, Bunny. I remember those days. It does get better eventually.