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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 38555"><p>Ditto what Marg said.</p><p></p><p>When easy child was depressed he would very coldly say to me, "You know how much you say you love me? Well, that's how much I hate you." I would just respond with something along the lines of, that's ok...I still love you. It hurts, though. This morning he wanted to go live with is dad just to "get away from" me. This morning's behavior was pure typical teen. He vacuumed and did dishes later which means he was feeling guilty. There's no way he wants to go live with his dad. Of course, he only wanted to go live there after I told him that he couldn't go live with nana.</p><p></p><p>difficult child told me tonight that she hates me. That was after her, "Why do you hate me?" didn't work. She goes back and forth on which one she uses. I just ignore her comments completely. I know when she says it, she's beyond the point of talking/reasoning and just need to let her cool off. </p><p></p><p>I've figured that most of the time they're just expressing frustration and helplessness the best way they know how. They're experiencing all of these intense emotions without the life experience that you and I have to deal with them. With the difficult child's, they have the added level of illness.</p><p></p><p>Practice detachment. It's hard, I know. But when you are able to see the words as a symptom of something bigger, it gets easier.</p><p></p><p>You really seem to be struggling with the weight of all this lately. I think it's really important you find something for you. Whether it's a few minutes a day to yourself with a book or on a walk or taking a class or joining a book club or something else that intrigues you. It can be very easy for us mom's to define ourselves through our children. But it's very important that we have something that defines us as a woman apart from motherhood.</p><p></p><p>Hugs to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 38555"] Ditto what Marg said. When easy child was depressed he would very coldly say to me, "You know how much you say you love me? Well, that's how much I hate you." I would just respond with something along the lines of, that's ok...I still love you. It hurts, though. This morning he wanted to go live with is dad just to "get away from" me. This morning's behavior was pure typical teen. He vacuumed and did dishes later which means he was feeling guilty. There's no way he wants to go live with his dad. Of course, he only wanted to go live there after I told him that he couldn't go live with nana. difficult child told me tonight that she hates me. That was after her, "Why do you hate me?" didn't work. She goes back and forth on which one she uses. I just ignore her comments completely. I know when she says it, she's beyond the point of talking/reasoning and just need to let her cool off. I've figured that most of the time they're just expressing frustration and helplessness the best way they know how. They're experiencing all of these intense emotions without the life experience that you and I have to deal with them. With the difficult child's, they have the added level of illness. Practice detachment. It's hard, I know. But when you are able to see the words as a symptom of something bigger, it gets easier. You really seem to be struggling with the weight of all this lately. I think it's really important you find something for you. Whether it's a few minutes a day to yourself with a book or on a walk or taking a class or joining a book club or something else that intrigues you. It can be very easy for us mom's to define ourselves through our children. But it's very important that we have something that defines us as a woman apart from motherhood. Hugs to you. [/QUOTE]
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