therapist recommended a psychiatrist

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by pigless in VA, May 31, 2012.

  1. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    therapist and I had a meeting today with just the two of us. He agrees that difficult child's behavior is unacceptable and that he could easily hurt someone, even accidentally.

    difficult child has an appointment with therapist Monday afternoon where we will explain to him why he has to see a psychiatrist. I predict that difficult child will be very angry about this decision. We'll try to get him to understand that this is because we care about what is happening to him.

    There is no doubt that difficult child has plenty to be angry about:

    husband was physically present but mentally absent (only a handful of times did he take difficult child somewhere for just the two of them).
    Now husband is completely absent.

    difficult child's best friend's father is currently in jail. This man is like a second father to difficult child and his estranged wife keeps locking him up for minor infractions of her protective order. (This time he saw her in Wal-Mart and left the store. That's it. She called the police a day later and they picked him up. She even told the police all he did was walk out of the store.) I cannot allow difficult child to see his friend at present due to the volatile nature of the strange wife.

    Add to this mix my new SO who is great with difficult child but admittedly not the boy's father.

    It's a lot to swallow.

    On a positive note, a couple of people have reminded me to reach out to difficult child even though he is a teenager. I remember when he was little, and I had trouble putting him to bed each night. He would hit me instead of hugging me good-night. I made changing that behavior a priority and eventually we found our way to a hug instead of a slug good-night.
  2. I hope you're wrong about difficult child being angry but he certainly has had a lot to be angry about in life, unfortunately. Regardless, it is a decision you had to make and I believe it is a good one.

    I'm sure that the therapist will approach it in a mature and compassionate way for difficult child so that he feels like this is a positive instead of a negative. Maybe if you let therapist do most of the explaining it will deflect some of the anger away from you?

    My thoughts will be with you. Please let us know how it goes.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Wow, I hope he does understand. I can't say Q knows the difference between different doctors. I never made a big deal that this one or that one is for his behaviors but your son is probably much more aware than mine. He has to know he doesn't feel well emotionally and if he knows that this can be caused by how our brains work, well....hopefully he can learn it is the same as any physical illness in that respect.

    I love that you are reminding yourself to make moves to try to connect like when he was younger and needed more help to do so. I have to tell myself that at times too. I often avoid triggers so much that I find we are really distant.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a good idea, but it's going to take a lot of work.
    He's going to be angry, no matter what you do, so just do the right thing. ;)
    I like your story about putting him to bed. There is always hope.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im really glad he will have both doctors. Yeah he is going to be angry because no kid really likes starting this process plus it will trigger stuff about his dad. I am sure that is already going through his mind. I am really praying for you guys. Hugs.
  6. keista

    keista New Member

    But maybe the psychiatrist can help take away some of the anger. And hopefully you can convey that to difficult child.

    You see, the problem with things like depression and anxiety and bipolar moods, is that they exist regardless of what is going on in life. IOW, life could be perfect, but a person's mood is still affected. Put some tragedies into the mix, at least the suffering person has something to pin the mood on. It's actually easier to process if you have something to "pin it on". Enter psychiatrist with hopefully good medications. Quiet the mood, and then you can process and get past those life events like a "normal" person with a "normal" amount of emotion.