therapist supports Aspergers diagnosis

[redegg]

We took difficult child to the therapist appointment last night, talked to her a bit about our concerns and had several interruptions by difficult child when he added his $.02 to the conversation. I'm glad he did though, and I think therapist was too, because she got to observe some of his typical behavior. When he wasn't jumping into the conversation he was pacing around the room looking at all the toys but not actually playing with any of them. After about 15 minutes, therapist said of our suspicion of Aspergers:

"I can't understand how anyone else could have missed it."

Wow. It was a powerful statement for us, and a huge validation. She listed off a great number of behaviors that she had observed just in the short time we'd all been in the room together, and hadn't even looked at the childbrain checklist I'd brought with me.

While she's pretty positive that it *is* Aspergers we're dealing with, she's not able to make a diagnosis. So she referred us to a psychiatrist she has worked with who is likely to be able to get us in much more quickly than the autism research center at the university here. She also explained that she likes this psychiatrist very much because he considers naturopathic remedies right alongside the stronger pharmaceutical drugs, and is very often willing to try several things before resorting to drugs. That's pretty important to us, so it was good to hear.

So anyway, I guess we're now on the road to an AS diagnosis. difficult child was sweet and silly after the appointment and husband says, "No matter what I hope they don't change you. Don't ever change." While I can appreciate the sentiment because we both think our kid is wonderful in all his weirdness, I take exception with planting ideas in difficult child's head about how we're taking him to doctors to try to make him less *him* and change him into someone else. difficult child is only 7, and he takes things very literally, so even the smallest suggestion can really set him on a path that will end with a truckload of anxiety. husband tends to be filled with off-the-cuff and subtle negative comments. I'm hoping that the therapist and psychiatrist will reinforce the need to be *positive* around difficult child because it doesn't seem to sink in when I say anything about it.

Okay, now I'm just venting. Sorry.

 

[tictoc]

Hi,
Glad you are getting some answers. It is such a relief when a professional sees what you are seeing.

Good luck.

 

[DDD]

Great first step. in my humble opinion the husband's are often hesitant to acknowledge that anything is "wrong" with their kids. I'm not sure if it is because they think it reflects poorly on them or if they fear that being labeled as different might hurt the kid. No matter. Don't think you're alone in having to get your husband with the program. It's common. DDD

 

[Marguerite]

That's good news. And very validating.

As for husband not anting him to change - it's OK to say that, but I agree with you, it's not OK to say that in context of "I hope THEY don't change you."

Share this with difficult child and husband - the line we took with our kids was, "You have Asperger's (or autism). It just means that your brain works a different way. We need variety in tis world, your autism means you do things a particular way that works for you. Sometimes we need help to find a better way to teach you to do things, so your brain can find it easier. Also, some things will be a lot easier for you than for other people. Other things are likely to be more difficult. You will always be who you are and we love you as you are. But as with any child who has to learn to live in this world and learn how to do things, you need to learn these things too. And you are able to learn these things although you might need a bit more help with some (and no help with others!). It's our job as parents to find out where you need help to learn and to make sure you get that help. But you will always be who you are and we will always love you as you are."

Our kids have grown up valuing themselves with their autism as part of the picture, part of who they are. It is not a handicap in our home, it does sometimes bring a problem or two that we need to find a way around. But in itself, the autism is just another aspect, such as having brown eyes. Beautiful coffee-sugar brown eyes...

Marg

 

[susiestar]

Glad the therapist was so helpful. It really is nice to have some validation. As for your husband making a remark and your child taking it literally and ending up with a whole truckload of problems, well, been there done that. You will have to work with difficult child to get him to be a bit less literal and to not take casual remarks so seriously, as well as working with husband to make more positive remarks.

Good luck!!

 

[BusynMember]

Hi.
Actually, the best therapy for Aspergers is help with social skills, speech (even if they have a good vocabulary they have trouble holding give-and-take conversations), and, if needed, PT and Occupational Therapist (OT). And YOU need to learn how he thinks. There are many books on Aspergers. If he has it, he will always have it. My son is still quirky and different at 16, but he's a great kid. He doesn't have the same interests as most kids his age and has no interest in hanging out in malls or checking out girls or going to parties, but he's doing well in school, getting his driver's license, and is not a behavior problem. If anything, he follows rules too much and gets upset if anyone breaks any! Intervetions can happen for free at school, but you need to nail the diagnosis. (I'd go to a neuropsychologist). I can't see a psychiatrist understanding Aspergers. Most don't. Even psychiatrists often don't. It's a neurological problem, not a psychiatric problem. Some kids go to Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) therapists to help them understand life as behavior of "typicals" can be very confusing for them! Just like their behavior can confuse us.

 

[TerryJ2]

Great session! I know you were thrilled.
Your son sounds like a cutie.
So sorry about your husband. Sigh.
You've gotten some good ideas and advice here ... not much I can add but support.