therapy appointment on Thursday

[ksm]

and I just called and gave her a heads up because sometimes she just takes difficult child in, some some times both of us at the same time, and rarely do I get to have a few minutes to talk to her alone.

Yesterday was not fun. She put on enough makeup that little sis was embarassed to be seen at church with her. Then yesterday evening, she came home from friends house, walked to the family room doorway and glares at us and says "why didn't you tell me that my dad was coming by!" Well, what had happened, my son (her dad) had borrowed our van on Friday and was moving to a different house. All that happened was he stopped by, left the van, took his car back and went home. But after she glared and said that to us, she just did a fast twirl with a dramatic hair flip and marched off.

It seems like EVERYTHING that happens must revolve around her. What I cook, if she doesn't like it and little sis does, then I "only fix what she likes!" No matter what I do, it is because I don't like her! No matter what we discuss, she gets upset if I don't agree with her or she doesn't get her way. When the discussion gets to where she doesn't like it - she announces "this discussion is over! I am not talking to you! I can't talk to you! You don't have a clue!" etc.

So anyway, I called the therapist and left a message that I am overwhelmed, and in the past I never really told her how bad things are at home. She is defiant, angry, mean, hateful. But, when she wants something she turns in to the syrupy sweet girl and is disgustingly sweet and manipulative.

She is still "in love" with the boyfriend from h*ll, but luckily he was put on 6pm curfew by the corrections department. At age 17 (and she is 14) we aren't letting her "date". And another stroke of luck, he was moved to the alternative school, but after another week of good behavior, he may be let back in to regular high school. Even her best friend has tried to get her to see the light - but it hasn't happened yet.

She is either an extremely spoiled brat, or has a behavior or mental health issue. I really want answers. Even since the adoption over 7 years ago, she has been difficult. Of course we just felt that she had been thru a lot, or she was a little head strong, etc. The therapist we had then said it was a good thing that she was acting out some... as she finally felt comfortable with us to misbehave. I get the theory, but I really don't think that is it.

KSM

 

[TerryJ2]

Sigh.
She does sound narcissistic. And like a drama queen. I don't remember her history before the adoption, or her bmom's behavior. (Sorry)

I, too, would be wanting answers. It is exhausting to live with-that kind of drama. And she's obviously not happy, and you want to help her. It's not your job to make her happy, of course, but if she had an accurate diagnosis, it would certainly help toward helping her with-cognitive therapy and placing things in perspective. It doesn't sound like she's ready for that right now.

{hugs}

 

[ksm]

Sigh.
She does sound narcissistic. And like a drama queen. I don't remember her history before the adoption, or her bmom's behavior. (Sorry)I, too, would be wanting answers. It is exhausting to live with-that kind of drama. And she's obviously not happy, and you want to help her. It's not your job to make her happy, of course, but if she had an accurate diagnosis, it would certainly help toward helping her with-cognitive therapy and placing things in perspective. It doesn't sound like she's ready for that right now.{hugs}

Her mom has been diagnosis as bipolar, just in the last few years, but she has a 25 year history of drug and alcohol addiction. We have no info on biodad at all. My son is her stepfather. She has always had a tough time making/keeping friends. When she is around kids her age she seems to act all hyper/giggly. One on one she does pretty well. She was diagnosis as ADD and anxiety in grade school. She struggled to complete and hand in most of her homework. So far this is the best grade wise. Unfortunately I think it is because the high school got new text books this year and there aren't enough to go around, so they stay in the class room, and there is rarely any homework at all. Go figure!

Alcohol was used in large amounts during the first 4 to 5 months of the pregnancy. And probably some drugs, like cocaine. Last year we had an IQ test and she tested in the top 13th percentile for IQ and the bottom 13 % for processing speed.

She seems to take on the personality of who ever she is with. She is having problems in choir, and she bases it on that she was one of 4 freshman girls selected to advance to the higher level girls choir... but the other three girls have not had problems. She has seemed to gravitate towards the kids who are more on the "problem" type. The ones who smoke/drink/drugs etc. This was her first year in high school and I had hoped she could make friends, as she didn't have many friends in middle school. But, she refused to join any of the clubs, sports etc. She stopped trying out for the community theater, and she no longer wants to attend church or youth group or church camp. And in choir, she hasn't gone to the last three "optional" things that the choir has done outside of class. (ie: singing valentines; singing the national anthem at the basketball game; etc)

She really is following in her mom's footsteps... at about the same age her mom started having problems. Her mom never finished high school, never really held a job for very long, pretty much "couch surfed" most of her life. I don't want that for difficult child. KSM

 

[InsaneCdn]

Getting a more formal diagnosis would be useful - but might not change the outcome.
Could be Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS)/Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) in the mix - and there is no solution for it, but it does explain behavior.
Could be some level of attachment disorder as well.