therapy appointment today and other things that went bad...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ksm, Mar 14, 2013.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    most of the appointment went pretty well. We were both in the office and the discussions were going good. Then when there was about 10 minutes left of the session, difficult child wanted to go over a disagreement we had had the night before. During supper, easy child mentioned that a boy was teasing her at track practice and called her a name (slang for female genitalia). I explained that it was not proper for a boy to call a girl that. But then difficult child has to chime in and go on and on about how every one does it, no one takes it that way any more, I am too old to know what I am talking about. I explained that I did know, and that just because people use those words does not make it right and that I hoped they never got comfortable being called those types of names. I realize that I can't control every ones vocabulary, but they did not have to respond to someone calling them that in a way that made it seem they were OK with it.

    So difficult child rehashed the whole thing, again, at the office, and got really riled up, again. I told her several times, I heard her, I reinterated what she had said, but also said that I would never be OK with her and her sister being referred to in a vulgar manner. Then she starts all over again, that it doesn't mean what it used to... Like a broken record. I was upset the rest of the day just from the stress of the appointment. When we had the original disagreement I even told her that the discussion was between me and easy child... that she didn't need to get involved. I told her the same thing again at the office, that it wasn't her battle, but she feels like she has to jump up and defend easy child... even though we weren't upset with easy child... we just wanted her to know it was not a good thing for a guy to say to her.

    Took difficult child back to her school, went home and kind of collasped. Then went to easy child's school after school - she had track practice and rides a school bus to the track. She was supposed to give me her violin and I had a gatorade ready for her. They won't let them take their instruments on the bus (what??) Well, she forgot to do it, and I wasted 30 minutes waiting in the car. Then at 5pm, I pick her up from track. The track is on high school property where difficult child goes, and she had a private voice lesson after school and wanted to hang out at the track and come home with easy child. She thought they might want to walk home, so I told her she had to call by 4:45 or I would be on my way to pick them up. Finally at 5:15 difficult child comes to the car and says they want to walk home. I say nope, get your sister and lets go home. I wait longer and start getting furious. I finally left about 5:20 and went home. So they did walk home. easy child came to apologize to me and I told her I knew she just forgot about meeting me after school, but when I told her sister to tell her to come to the car she never came. Guess what actually happened? difficult child goes back to easy child and told her they had to ride the car home, but it wouldn't hurt to talk to their friends for several more minutes! What? Then called difficult child down and asked if she told little sis that she could have more time and she did. I just don't understand how difficult child could hear my words, see my frustrations at waiting for so long, and then think it would be fine to go kill more time.

    She just doesn't pick up on how people really feel. And, I let it ruin the rest of my day. I wish I could just let things go. I know compared to some behavior this isn't the end of the world, but I just have been feeling really overwhelmed and not coping real well. KSM
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Looks like all I'm good for tonight is handing out {{hugs}}

    It isn't the mountain ahead of us that wears us down as much as the grain of sand in our shoe.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Sounds like the kind of merry-go-round that makes you barf...just never stops. Sending more hugs....(and an air sick bag)
  4. greenrene

    greenrene Member

    "I wish I could just let things go. I know compared to some behavior this isn't the end of the world, but I just have been feeling really overwhelmed and not coping real well. KSM"

    "It isn't the mountain ahead of us that wears us down as much as the grain of sand in our shoe."

    EXACTLY! Sometimes it's not the big meltdown days or the massive attitude days that do us in, it's all the little stuff that is SO OFF about them that is so tiring. Big hugs to you - I know that "not coping well" feeling all too well.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Arrrgh! I hear you!
    I hate those expressions, too.
    Stand your ground. These kids eventually have to live in the real world, where people get fired for saying things like that. Not to mention that they'll eventually want to have some self-respect.

    "Theory of mind" I think is what you call it when a difficult child can't figure out that other people have thoughts and feelings and are not just objects. It takes a long time to develop that. Did the therapist say anything about it? Or tell her to cut out the rehash? I hope so.
    It's good when a therapist sees that kind of interaction; it gives them more information.

    I'm so sorry about all the miscommunication about the bus and car. I'm glad you got to lie down for a few minutes. But it takes me a cpls of days to recover from stuff like that, and I know it will take you a while too.
  6. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    light bulb moment... Took easy child to 7th grade, difficult child left the back seat and moved to the front seat. I am driving several blocks away and see she hasn't put on her seat belt. Then it hits me. Everyday this week I have had to tell her to buckle up. She will be 15 next week. We have had custody for about 10 years. We are very safety conscience... you would think it would be a habit. But no. I have to tell her over and over. No one sees this side of her... it is not a terrible behavior... but just not something you would expect at this age. It is not being defiant because she doesn't want to wear it... she just doesn't remember to do it. Just how it takes her 4 days to finish one load of clothes. First you leave them in the washer over night, then the next day I remind her they need to go in the dryer. Then even with reminders and refluffing them, they are still in the dryer. Finally the clothes makes it to the laundry basket. Does she fold or hang up? No she wants to leave them in the basket for later. Then it finally get taken up to her room, where she grabs something to wear, it is a wrinkled mess, she tries it on, it looks bad, it gets thrown on the floor, eventually thrown back in with the dirty clothes and the vicious cycle starts all over again!

    I am not a clean freak, but I am one to want to use the least amount of energy (mine and $$) to get a job done. Why go to the basement laundry room multiple times to get one thing out of the dryer, or to take one wet item from the washer and dry it - but not the rest of the load. I don't know how she will survive in the real world in a few years. But I know my life will be easier!! KSM
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Working memory. Not deliberate, but not functional either.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Right. What Ksm said. Just like a computer.