I have lately been thinking of downside of therapy/rehabs/support groups/self help books/sup+port boards like this in teaching people certain lingo that make them much more convincing. It is of course not a problem, can in fact be beneficial to have words and concepts to express things, when person is honest. But it also gives quite an ammo for a dishonest or manipulating person against other people often not so well versed in that lingo. We had new coming of our old 'friend' rottweiler guy here recently. When he first came to boards quite some time ago, he started with posting disturbing images and being offensive right away. Later he first tried to come off as legitimate, but it was quite easy to see through. This latest was already very manipulating. There were couple things in his first post that alarmed me, but had he not mentioned rottweilers already in that, I wouldn't had been too suspicious. Those who didn't remember the rottweilers probably weren't. He did feed tips about 'having young twins with classic psychopath signs' bit too easily (I mean, who first tells that main issue with their child is lacking bit discipline, and then asked suddenly 'remember' that OMG, they indeed torture animals, have tried to sexually assault other child, wet their beds etc. and should I be concerned about that) but while little bit implausible it was convincing nevertheless. Of course a board troll isn't that serious of the issue. Those happen and no one really is harmed by that obvious trolls. But just like out rottweiler guy has learnt to use our lingo against us, so do many difficult children learn to scam us and others. Several times someone has shared a letter or conservation with their difficult child, there their kid has told them exactly what they have wanted to hear. Often using exactly the words they have learnt in therapy, rehab or support group. Slogans and all. And all most just as often the parents have later been disappointed, when it turned out, those were just words. Of course, I believe, often those difficult children have been sincere when they have said or wrote those words and things just have changed later. But unfortunately I believe some have been just cons. And we are all battle weary and experienced. Think about those who are not. I'm currently watching one difficult child scamming people mainly by being so good with this type of lingo. And unfortunately I can't do much about it. She goes to same stables I do. Have been coming half a year now. She is charming and really knows how to talk the talk. First she seemed just nice and cheery and quite experienced with horses. Talking herself up a bit, but nothing alarming. Then some things started not to match up and sad stories started. And she really knows the lingo, so currently half of the people going there are convinced she has the worst luck in the whole wide world. Her mother is a narcissist, his father is her mothers enabler, her brother is a sociopath and sister is a borderline and her ex is a psychopath and now also her kids seem to have personality disorders. So does her boss and ex-coworker who both had done their best to ruin her life. And few former friends and owner of the stable she went before us and there she is not welcomed any more (and of course the owner is now just trash talking about her) and so on. All this has of course come up little by little; anyone would get suspicious, if someone has such a problematic parents, siblings, kids (one declining all contact and other one talking trash about her to everyone), co workers, ex friends and what not. Anyone would be taken aback and thinking who is the problematic one in that equation. But when it comes up so little at the time, you kind of forget to use Occam razor. When you already believe someone, when they tell that their bad credit is because their psychopathic and violent ex did this or that, you don't start to add things together when you hear about mean and narcissistic mother or sibling or kid. Especially if you are not too familiar with lingo and are in awe how open, wise and well-spoken someone is. And when people strongly believe a charming person like this, it takes time before one starts to add up things, notice that someone having such a bad luck isn't really very plausible, noticing that words and actions don't really match up, that there is always an explanation, but that things really are not matching and too many unbelievable things are adding up. I have felt badly because of this person some time now. I'm sure she is a scam and I have protected myself from her. I don't trust her to do anything of importance, I check everything she tells me before acting on it in any way. I don't loan her money or let myself financially vulnerable in any way. I may buy her a cup of coffee or lunch or buy her a beer in the pub, but I absolutely don't expect her to pay back ever even though she always says she will. I don't trust her to do anything she promises, not even take a wet rug off the horse I rent when she leaves, if I have to leave before the horse is dry and warm. I will call and ask someone else to check, even when she has told me she will absolutely do it. I simply don't believe a smallest thing she says or promises. Luckily also few of my best friends there have listened me, when I have advised them to take a notice how well (or badly) her words and actions match. But I have several friends who will get burned, when façade comes down. And it will. Probably quite soon. I did ask around and found she has never been able to keep up her charade more than a year or at most two in any stables before she has left with burning bridges. I have gently tried to warn all of them, but she is quite good in manipulating, so it has not done any good. I'm quite sure she has read quite a lot about personality disorders and such, probably also read local support forum for those who have loved ones with PDs. And she wouldn't be half as good scam, if she wasn't so well versed with that lingo.