Yesterday afternoon was not a good one. We went for V's playtherapy which he enjoys. She had told him from the start: "you're the boss" and V was very surprised but liked the idea. After 1 month of going there, I asked her what she saw and where things were going (as I'm not in the room).
She answered briefly saying she is still establishing the trust and observing.
Keep in mind that V does not create world's of imagination. he either chases people around, wrestle, position his animals/cars around (don't actually line up to often but put them around the furniture, lamps,etc) or make his vehicles/animals fight. She said that V does not include her in his play (typical) but she will still be able to learn what he does and it will reflect his inner feelings. Minor and subtle differences will be revealing.
I then read her pamphlet about the theory behind her therapy (she forgot to give it to me a couple weeks ago). It states that the child takes the lead and limits exist but are not voiced out unless the child decides to cross them. She wants the child to experience it and then be able to stop himself. It is supposed to make the child feel in control in a safe and understanding environment. Then the child will work his inner feelings through play (just like adults do through words).
It seems all nice in theory, although V does not have "issues" to work out. But instead he needs to learn to accept other people's feelings and perspective. Think outside his bubble like husband would put it. Don't get me wrong, V is very caring as long as it does not come between his needs and wants or what he thinks should be.
Now yesterday, V came out of the session laughing really loud. At first I smile and say out loud "that's nice V, you are laughing", but then the therapist tells me with a smile and soft voice "we had to put limits today, didn't we V (who is still laughing). No hitting me (he smashed her toes), no breaking toys and no hurting ourselves". She tried to make V say it, but V would laugh and shake his shoulders so she finished telling the rules herself.
AT the time, I did not say much but just thought V did not get it because her tone did not match the severity of his actions. At home: aggressive behaviors are a big NO and he is sent to his room right away if it happens (we had some issues with agressions a few months back).
On the ride back, V was wild! Laughing, saying he was going to slap himself and actually did it hard. Since I was on the wheel, I just used my big voice and said "that's enough. we don't act like that. no slapping." More then the words, the intensity of my voice usually stops him.
We came home and he was still wired. I was tired myself and asked the boys to please just give me a break. For 1 hour, I kept on saying, play nicely I'm tired, I need a break. Don't come to me for a little while and go play downstairs if you want to be loud.
V kept on going after his brother, wrestling him until eventually they got so wild in the living room and V knocked the plants down with dirt all over...
I lost it and screamed quite a bit
Made V clean up the dirt and Partner pick up all the toys. I'm sorry I snapped, I needed a break and with a 1, 4 and 6 year old I can't just go for a walk on my own.... I still need to surpervise.
But then I also blame the playtherapy for it. Aren't kids supposed to walk out calmer???
She answered briefly saying she is still establishing the trust and observing.
Keep in mind that V does not create world's of imagination. he either chases people around, wrestle, position his animals/cars around (don't actually line up to often but put them around the furniture, lamps,etc) or make his vehicles/animals fight. She said that V does not include her in his play (typical) but she will still be able to learn what he does and it will reflect his inner feelings. Minor and subtle differences will be revealing.
I then read her pamphlet about the theory behind her therapy (she forgot to give it to me a couple weeks ago). It states that the child takes the lead and limits exist but are not voiced out unless the child decides to cross them. She wants the child to experience it and then be able to stop himself. It is supposed to make the child feel in control in a safe and understanding environment. Then the child will work his inner feelings through play (just like adults do through words).
It seems all nice in theory, although V does not have "issues" to work out. But instead he needs to learn to accept other people's feelings and perspective. Think outside his bubble like husband would put it. Don't get me wrong, V is very caring as long as it does not come between his needs and wants or what he thinks should be.
Now yesterday, V came out of the session laughing really loud. At first I smile and say out loud "that's nice V, you are laughing", but then the therapist tells me with a smile and soft voice "we had to put limits today, didn't we V (who is still laughing). No hitting me (he smashed her toes), no breaking toys and no hurting ourselves". She tried to make V say it, but V would laugh and shake his shoulders so she finished telling the rules herself.
AT the time, I did not say much but just thought V did not get it because her tone did not match the severity of his actions. At home: aggressive behaviors are a big NO and he is sent to his room right away if it happens (we had some issues with agressions a few months back).
On the ride back, V was wild! Laughing, saying he was going to slap himself and actually did it hard. Since I was on the wheel, I just used my big voice and said "that's enough. we don't act like that. no slapping." More then the words, the intensity of my voice usually stops him.
We came home and he was still wired. I was tired myself and asked the boys to please just give me a break. For 1 hour, I kept on saying, play nicely I'm tired, I need a break. Don't come to me for a little while and go play downstairs if you want to be loud.
V kept on going after his brother, wrestling him until eventually they got so wild in the living room and V knocked the plants down with dirt all over...
I lost it and screamed quite a bit
Made V clean up the dirt and Partner pick up all the toys. I'm sorry I snapped, I needed a break and with a 1, 4 and 6 year old I can't just go for a walk on my own.... I still need to surpervise.But then I also blame the playtherapy for it. Aren't kids supposed to walk out calmer???
