Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Jena, Jan 25, 2011.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    for me has been really good.

    just had to share that since everyone kept screaming Jen go go go!! LOL

    so.......... Jen went. she's awesome ashame i can't bring her back with-me. we've connected my childhood with some of my parenting styles. reasons for etc.

    she's pulled out of me that it's my path to work with kids on some level just as i did before even if it hurts me i have to learn how to protect myself. she said that it's time for you to fly. difficult child needs to see that too so she can. deep :)

    i told her about the bipolar and medication thing. she got it yet said you have till sept to work thru all of that and when she goes back to school in sept you go do whatever it is fills your soul up with kids. even if it's just volunteering till you get the degree you need.

    we've gone down alot of roads in short period of time. that's how i know she's good. we laugh alot too. first day in went in there i said wow i've got alot going on lol cps, aspca, kid in new york losing it, husband who is clueless and annoying, difficult child in hospital. she said your fine more than fine your just really stressed.

    we gotta come up with plan for this weekend because dear old dad is coming to see difficult child. why I don't know. he owes us money towards the down payment to get her in, than the money to get here, than the money to stay at ronald mcdonald house, rental car, flites home. you get the picture. it's alot. yet he's spending money to spend time out here.

    we're all afraid doctor's involved and all the therapists on board because they've dealt with dad that he's really going to screw up this thing. so i'm headed back to therapy on friday morning to figure it out with her.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    we laugh alot too.

    THIS is the most important thing! You want to feel safe and comfortable. People with-o a sense of humor stress me out. ;)

    It would be nice if she could script you with-some things to say to your dad. Good luck!
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you lucked out and got a real winner. I'm glad it's helping. DDD
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Terry my dad???? you mean difficult child's dad?? there wouldn't be a script long enough lol. it's more about him and i not being in same room with her. she's fixated on us being together. also we argue so it's not healthy. i don't know what i'm going to do all weekend long alone. i was going to fly home for 2 days yet i'm afraid difficult child will shut down if i do.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh! Sorry.
  6. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I have had one therapist over the years, ONE, and she is amazing. Beyond amazing. Truly the only mental health professional I trust, in this world - which says a lot for all difficult child and I have been through. I pray you can form the same bond I have her with yours!!!
    How long are you going to be in Oregon? I will be up there next week if you are still there, PM me.
  7. Jena

    Jena New Member

    oh really? i'll be here lol. meeting with-doctor's tmrw to find out my projected date of going back home to all that fun.

    can't form that great a bond because i'm leaving soon......... hey maybe i could do telephone therapy? pay by credit card?? there's an idea!! i'm going back on friday to figure out how to handle my ex. i should know yet i want someone else's opinion.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Jen, in an earlier post I sent some links to interesting things to do in Portland. This weekend might be a great opportunity to try one or two of them. I don't know if factory tours would be available on the weekends, but why not check out a winery or brewery? Or look for a really cool park? Take a tour of the city?

    Here are a few other things I found:

    Free Admission to the Portland Chinese Garden. The Portland Chinese Garden is one of my favorite places to go in the city. And now thorugh February 9, 2011 you can get in for free. The Portland Lan Su Chinese Garden is open every day 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Visit the tranquil garden with exhibits celebrating the new year. And then warm up with some tea in the teahouse

    Check out Powell's Books. They have several locations but their flagship store is an entire city block! It is at 1005 W Burnside, Portland, OR 97209. They have several book signings this weekend, and have new and used books.

    FYI - I have heard about this store for years and years, and am jealous that you are close enough to maybe get time to visit!! My idea of a awesome vacation is to go to a city and explore the local bookstores and needlework shops and listen to local music and eat at diners and local dive type restaurants! Thankfully my husband thinks this makes a great vacation too - we just went to a nearby city and did this for our honeymoon!

    Here is a link to a facebook page about 365 things to do in Portland. Some seem pretty cool.

    This eHow article has some neat ideas, including an awesome bakery near Powell's bookstore at the address above. That is supposed to be a cool shopping area.

    I know you found a great secondhand store (cowboy boots rock, don't they?), and from what I have heard Portland has a LOT of them, so maybe look up some addresses online and go explore them.

    I know you like to draw, so check out the various art galleries. The article gives a few names with some idea of the types of art they have.

    I am glad you have a bond with your therapist, she sounds really great. Before you leave, be sure to ask her if she knows anyone that you could see in NY. You never know, her bff from grad school might have moved there and be just as awesome as she is! Otherwise, ask her to do phone therapy with you for a month or so as you adjust back to life at home and find another therapist. It isn't as good as in person therapy but it sure beats seeing a bad therapist or no therapist!!! The big reason phone therapy just isn't as good is because only about 30% of communication is verbal - a good therapist will pick up on the nonverbal as well but that is super hard over the phone.

    I have faith that your sense of humor will get you through the weekend while the ex is there. Let the docs and nurses see him. If day treatment isn't open on the weekends, see if there can be some therapy sessions with him (just with him and difficult child) as an exception for you because there isn't any other way to get to see that dynamic and how it is impacting difficult child. I am sure they are worried about it after the involvement they have had with him so far.

    I hope that he doesn't set her back or get her to fixating on the 2 of you getting back together more. Lots of strength and hugs!
  9. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hey thanks susie for taking the time. go look at my other thread. kinda mind blowing. she is on restriction she can't do much. we may drive up to mt. st. helens on saturday minimal walking great picture spot.
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I was thinking stuff for you to do while she was with her father, to help keep her from thinking that the 2 of you are getting together as a couple and to help you get a break. Off to find your other post.
  11. Jena

    Jena New Member

    had last mtg. with therapist today. she walked me to the door and said i admire you. i said what, why? she said because your very strong you didnt' realize it when you came here yet you found your inner strength real quick. i said to her you know the drill you have kids it's not a matter of strong its just we have no choice, and i know a whole lotta other woman who also do the same each day. i told her today i try to think of it as god had to pick special ppl to raise our special kids and we were the chosen few, hand picked due to our attributes, hearts, and overall tenancity.

    than i laughed and said yea well its kinda like the step in ..... remark. lol. at the end of the day it's just............. on your shoe???

    her and i are giong to try to talk from new york pay her by credit card. we're working on it. we've come so far in 3 sessions and it's good for me. i have no issues with letting it all out with-her plus i didnt' wanna play games with-her i knew we had little time so i had to anti up qiuck :)

    she said your going home to home tutors, and doctor appointments again and no you time. she said if you have to pay your daughter than do so to watch difficult child. if you dont take care of you, you know youll be exactly where you were almost a mos. ago crash and burn.
  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Just curious. Does difficult child know how easy child has been behaving during your absence? No, lol, I don't know if it is right or wrong for her to be informed before the trip home. As much as I hate to say it I think you are going to be going home to a lonely fairly new husband, an acting out teen who probably has decided she doesn't want to be a easy child anymore and animals that are going to be seeking you out constantly. Yikes!

    I've been wondering if there have been any prep talks...or even if it is "right" to have any. She has had you all to herself for quite awhile. I'm concerned that the other family members are going to be thinking "now it's MY turn". Hugs DDD
  13. Jena

    Jena New Member

    yup your right. i'm going into the fire with a whole lotta needy people awaiting my return. with my husband leading the pack. he has been a mix of supportive and highly annoying since i've been here. his response to being left home alone is one in which i do not like at all. im disappointed in him bigtime. i really am. yet i gotta let go of all that junk put a smile on my face and walk back in that door. and deal with-alot of ****
  14. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    If you like books - you have to go to POWELL's like Susie said - best bookstore - EVER.
    Also, if St Helens is too far of a drive - take her to see Multnomah Falls - there is little to no walking, and it one of the biggest falls in the world (I think?). Breathtaking!!! I think it is 20 minutes out of Portland, on the Columbia River.
    Too bad we will miss each other - but sounds like your hubby is very ready for you to be back home.
  15. Jena

    Jena New Member


    we actually did falls last week. it was amazing. do you have a facebook? if you do pm me and i'll give you my link. i posted pics of it. how are you doing? yea i guess he is. he really has been annoying, didnt' grab the reigns when he should of with easy child. their all just so used to me taking the lead and being in charge. if i was going to be gone a bit longer they'd have to learn to function better yet now i'm returning or so i think. yea he's been really needy in a guy sort of way if you know what i mean? :)

    i'm doing zero with her today, just eating she's doing some art work ive decided on purpose not to make it a fun weekend for her. let her "want" to return home. tmrw we will go to the zoo though for a little while. i'm also really really tired.
  16. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Those are some breath-taking pics!