There are very few things in life I regret. right now......

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by keista, Aug 27, 2011.

  1. keista

    keista New Member

    ...I regret filing for divorce. Maybe I should regret marrying the idiot, but it wasn't all bad - I have a house and three amazing kids (despite their issues).

    I had filed contempt papers because he hadn't sent me all the financial paperwork that was required, but evidenced by financial forms he did file. I also finally filed for temporary child support, and here's where his idiot gene kicks into high gear!

    So he writes a letter to the General Magistrate asking for a continuance. (ah, I don't think that's how it's done) In it he's claiming his mother's death as an obstacle to getting his paperwork in order. He also says he sent his bank records to the court because he doesn't think he needs to send them to me because it's actually his sister's account - he's just on it as a signer so he can cash his check and pay his bills through it. Court doesn't want copies of these things. If it gets processed through the clerk's office, he just made those bank records public. *idiot* Still no mention of the lease that I specifically requested and is included in the list of required paperwork.

    He goes on to accuse me of tax fraud stating that by his calculations, my income should be double what I'm reporting when his numbers actually show it as TRIPLE! He's pulling all sorts of numbers out of the air including questioning my shipping charges, because he talked to the accounting ppl at the shop he works at and they spend half of what I spend on shipping, so I must be overstating my shipping costs.

    Apparently he also sent an 'accounting' of marital assets along with this letter (didn't send me a copy) and is asking for an audit of said assets because I grossly understated them. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, he had the opportunity to do this with initial paperwork and did no such thing. He still thinks our (oops MY) house is worth what it was when we had it appraised in 2005. Yeah, nope, worth less than half that.

    So, he's asking for all this auditing to happen BEFORE child support is determined. Here's the REALLY funny part. Child support is determined by a state mandated calculation based on both mother and father income. I quickly calculated it up with my "new" income, and what he's required to pay in that scenario is only $130 less per month. HOWEVER if I do make that much money, the kids won't qualify for their insurance as it is, so I'll have to pay a higher premium, and undoubtedly have to pay more in copays, sooooooooooooooooooooooo factoring that in he'll be required to pay MORE than the current calculation.

    Court date is this Wednesday and since I got this letter today, I doubt the court will get it in time to grant the "continuance". This is gonna get the kind of interesting I would rather do without.

    :sigh: So, this is why it took me almost 4 years to file for divorce, and I so regret not recognizing this stupidity in him.
  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Sending hugs and strength to you and big brains to the magistrate handling things. Took me five years and despite hiring a lawyer, I ended up doing most the paperwork myself! The upside was that I was finally divorced and it only cost me $175! Keep your eye on the pie!!
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911

    His Mother's death was recent, and due to what I can see as a NON ISSUE - his visitation records or rather LACK THEREOF......would surely show the court that her "untimely" death had ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with his children and this matter.

    Was he still able to get up and go to work? Yes.
    Was he still able to live with his sister, pay his bills, have her cash his check, ect.....etc......? Yes.
    Was he still able up until her death to do all the things that he had been able to do until she just died? Yes.

    HOW far back did you ask for these records? REALLY? That far? And how long has his Mother been dying - you know the one he has little to NO contact with that all of a sudden is his greatest barrier? Hmmmmm.

    He doesn't have an idiot gene.........He has an "I have an excuse for everything but I'll blame it on kiesta gene."

    My marriage wasn't all bad either........the part where I got my son? Brilliant. Everything else? (I just have no words) The fact that I said ABSOLUTLEY NO CHILD SUPPORT TO BE PAID - come to think of it - I'll pay HIM $25 a week to stay away from us. Should have told the judge that if the man HAS children....and someone ELSE in the world has to TELL HIM to TAKE CARE OF THEM at XX dollars a month.......because they live with thier Mother and she -

    Pays for the roof over their head.....
    Pays for the electricity to light their home.......
    Pays for the watter to wash their faces, let them bath, wash their clothes, and feed and drink.....HIS children too....
    Pays for the gas that heats their home, cools it in summer.....
    Pays for the food they eat, the clothes they wear, the extras that ALL kids need just to be kids.........
    Pays for the gas in the car she must have to run them to school, to extra cirricular activites to keep them out of trouble,
    Pays for the car insurace to make them safe
    Pays for HEALTH insurance to keep them healthy
    Pays for the dentist, tooth paste tooth brushes, floss, gas there and back to make sure they are healthy
    Eye doctors, glasses, contacts, foot doctors, shoes special shoes.....(insert scream as I've seen the price of a pair of decent kicks ) Areeeeeeeeehhhhhhh

    Pays for the mainteneance on that car that is wear and tear back and forth for THREE children to all those places
    Doctors, School, Grocery, Football, psychiatrist, PHARMACY, movies, skating, Friends......and on and on....
    Pays for toys, laptops, books, pencils, notebooks, socks, underpants,
    Not to mention - Costumes, and glitter, and snacks.......
    Wart remover, hair gel, hair spray, beauty salon, barber shop......gas THERE and back.....
    Not to mention the box of wine you HAVE to hide somewhere for your sanity....and your psychiatrist appointments
    PLUS CHurch......there and back and there and back and there and back and ........well whatever you do do -----
    PARKS..museums.......boatings, outings, BBQs....."can I go to Donnies, everyone is going to DOnnies. I want to go to donnies, If I don't go I will Die, You make me a social outcast,,,,,,,I need a new pair of pants to go to Donnies, and a shirt can I get a shirt everyone will have a shirt, and shoes? No NO new shoes.....ohhhhhhhhhhh........" and
    A Cell phone.....just so you can know where they are........
    BUG spray - did I mention West Nile Virus - So yeah add that in.
    Mowing the yard.......SOMEONE has to do it - you divorced him ------or he left.......whatever -
    Weed whacker.....and gas, plus string and $10 a pop for having to screw with that :censored2: thing.
    And yard maintenance
    Car Maintenance.......Now you have to pay someone
    Snow plow.....salt for the sidewalk so the kids are safe and you don't get sued
    not to mention HOUSE maintenance.....gutter repair. and paint, plus all the stuff that he COULD be doing and dididn't and you have to PAY someone for -----
    LIKE - trash removal ----I mean Is HEEEEEEEEE paying someone to take out the trash for 3 kids?????nooooooo

    But yet he still whines and cries like a little (insert word of choice) about child support?.........

    Well good for wonder you are going to court for this junk.........I'd have to have someone else look that person in the face too and say 'You know what you (word of choice) THESE ARE YOUR KIDS and just the BABYSITTING FEES ALONE........for a PHENOMINAL SITTER like your ex wife /their Mother would break you MORE than the support she's asking buck up, man up and SHUT UP and pay up."
    NUF SED.
    (off soapbox)

    and this is why I never ever asked for child support -= cause I could NOT cuss in court)

    And what ever else kids need......these days......

    OMG -----
  4. keista

    keista New Member

    Star, you crack me up!

    Sadly all you said is LOGICAL. This "man" is anything but.

    Child support can NOT be waived. If I request a child support amount that deviates by 5% in either direction, I have to file a petition and explain why this is in the best interests of the children.

    Might have to put the divorce on hold, file with DOR, and then continue with this insanity.
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hugs, keista. Useless Boy managed to delay our divorce as well; his final P/A action was to date that he was in fact served a certified copy of our divorce paperwork on...wait for it...

    February 31.

    Even the judge laughed at him.
  6. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Hugs....You print out Star's letter and give that to the judge. I'm sorry for the nonsense, he's an idiot and when this is all over, it will have been worth it. Don't ever regret filing for this divorce-! You deserve way better!
  7. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Let your attorney deal with his idiocy. You just enjoy your kiddos! My mom was a horrible negotiator in her divorce because the only thing she truly wanted was to keep her daughters and for him to either grow-up or go away. Oddly, biodad's brother was her attorney and he got her the house, 5-years of alimony and some minimal child support. She never went after biodad for increased child support cause he (mostly) left us alone and that was enough for her.

    His idiocy is not your fault...just try and ignore his silliness.
  8. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    He wrote a letter, but didn't file a motion for continuance? *snort*
    If it makes you feel any better I've been separated since '04, filed a few years ago, had TWO "final" hearings, and am still legally married. I also had to take a divorce class on the grief process of divorce and parenting. That's eight hours of my life wasted along with the money for it. I did the paperwork for them to re-calculate the child support by IN laws and sent it in. FL's response? To send me FL paperwork asking for the same information AND it requires a FL notary. They refuse to relinquish jurisdiction, even though the original order was done when we had MS residence and would have technically been in MS's jurisdiction, but no, FL wants jurisdiction because he lives there.

    Makes me regret being a divorcee (to be, eventually) instead of a widow!
    *drags out the Bulldog Shrine and prays for a very large truck*
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I was one of those who settled in the way to cause the least trauma for everyone. Truly I "thought" that the less friction between parents the better off the kids would be in the long run. Alas, I was shocked to find that the "good parts" of Ex faded away and the kids did, in fact, face rejection and very limited contact. All my efforts to avoid conflict only resulted in a much more difficult life for me supporting the three children. The only positive result was that we had resolution pdq and that was good. Sending supportive thoughts your way. DDD
  10. keista

    keista New Member

    Thanks ladies.

    If I could afford an attorney, I'd have one. I'd currently be looking into one, but now I can't even pay for one - too far into debt (stupid transmission!). Even if court grants my request for husband to pay, it still has to get paid up front.

    I am trying to do this in a way so there's the least friction for ME. Unfortunately going up against this koi, that is not possible.

    Wednesday will certainly be interesting. I just wish there was more "pro-se" (do it yourself) information out there. There is a lot of very good detailed info, but it all assumes that BOTH parties will fill out the forms that they are supposed to. Yeah, I always seem to be the exception to the rule.

    by the way, Haozi, I have heard of FL being difficult, but there are ways around it. There should be an agency in your state that handles child support. Here, it's the Department of Revenue. Go apply for CS directly through them, get it established. What happens is that HE ends up going to court in FL and you get to appear by phone. At least this is how the atty I consulted with explained it to me. Once you have an order established, it doesn't have to be part of the divorce. I might be going this route. I'll also check with the notary at the bank and see if the convoluted idea floating in my head would fly.

    And yes, I'm finally doing this because I do deserve better! So do my kids. Even if they don't get to see their crazy Dad (truly his choice), they deserve the added financial support.

    Thanks for letting me vent. Now to start preparing for Wednesday.
  11. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm sorry you're having to deal with this insanity on top of everything else. Hugs.
  12. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Keista, here it has been moved the agency that does it from MS. It was established years before the divorce was filed on Kiddo's behalf by MS. However, because the order is written in FL, FL refuses to do it IN's way or IN's formula (which is different and would actually be less support than the 35/week I get now). There is another reason FL prefers to do the support order and keep jurisdiction - states get so much per dollar of court ordered support from the feds for social security. More support ordered and collected in FL, more money for FL.
  13. keista

    keista New Member

    THAT I did NOT know. I figured political ego was enough of a driving factor, but that makes more sense.

    10Q ML and everyone else........again. It's nice to be able to let this out to ppl who are familiar with this kind of craziness.
  14. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Keista, you don't have to ask for child support through the court. Since you and he are separated, even if not divorced he needs to pay support. Go to or call your state's child support enforcement. They do the work, and no fees to you.

    PM me, we've done a LOT of pro se...
  15. keista

    keista New Member

    Step, I might just have to do that. I didn't go that route initially because the divorce itself is more important to me than child support.

    And thanks for the offer. I might take you up on it depending on what happens Wednesday. Paperwork is a PITA, but procedure is a mystery!
  16. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I just thought of something. GFGmom applied for some government benefits. Don't know if it was food stamps, WIC or who knows what. As a result the State of Florida pursued the Dad's directly and she didn't have to pay anything for representation. It was not GFGmom vs. bioDad. It was State of Florida vs. bioDad. DDD
  17. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    CA does the same thing, DDD. Unfortunately, they are not terribly motivated to collect when the custodial parent in NOT receiving any govt benefits.