There has to be help out there.....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by marykay223, Apr 27, 2008.

  1. marykay223

    marykay223 There has to be help

    My 23 year old son has issues that have been worsening and worsening. I had to remove him from the health insurance due to miss using the medications. He has repeatedly threatened me with all sort of issues that are not true. I have had to unplug my phone and put my cell phone on silent so that I don't have to listen to his ranting and raving. He needs to be in a long term facility and I have written 100s of letters to Dr Phil but have not gotten a response. My friends are stating that I need to file harrassment charges on him and maybe that would make it stop. I don't think so. I am at a complete loss of what to do. I have a therapist that states - "he will never be normal like other young adults" and "that he will always find someone to take care of him." When he gets on these tangents - I have started to just keep the issues to myself, because I don't want my friends having to deal with this. He needs to be in a long term facility that he will not be able to AMA himself. Any suggestions?
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    MaryKay, I'm sorry things are so rough for you. I'm going to move your post over to the Parent Emeritus forum. The warrior moms over there have been through situations like yours and will be able to offer you support and good advice.

    Welcome to the board.
  3. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I'm sorry that you are going through these issues with your young adult child. I think it is great that you are seeing a therapist. I personally believe that particularly after the age of 21, it is time for your child to "see things differently." It really is his choice as to whether he is going to make the changes he needs to do. If he has special needs of some kind, as a mom, you might want to step in and help where you are able, but it is not appropriate for you to do things that he is perfectly capable of doing for himself or to allow him to break rules or threaten you. You deserve respect and need to make that perfectly clear. Does your child have a diagnosis? Is there a family support group of some kind in your area? There are FAmily Annonymous Groups that might be of great help. Sometimes Crisis Hotlines keep numbers of support groups for referral. Many here have read a book called "Boundaries," to help us stay in detachment mode. If you are not familiar with the Serenity Prayer, I would google it and print it out. You might want to look at a site called for more ideas; although your child is beyond the age typically associated with schools mentioned there. If and only if, your child has a confirmed diagnosis and other avenues have been explored and failed, I would look into the possibility of him receiving social security disability. We have a separate area for discussions on this.
  4. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    I have no idea if you have contacted these numbers before. The Houston Area Mental Health Information I would start at the top begin calling and asking questions. keep a log. You're right, there JUST HAS to be help out there!

    Have you ever considered an involuntary commitment of your son? I'm not sure of the criteria or if your son meets it, but food for thought.

    (deleted section here that names names...but PM'd you with what was written here- Suz)

    FAQ for Houston Crisis Intervention Team
    Q. What is the Crisis Intervention Team (CIT) Program?
    A. It is a program that educates patrol officers about mental illness and tactics and techniques to help verbally de-escalate situations involving individuals in serious mental health crises.

    Q. When should I call for a CIT officer?
    A. When the situation involves a person in a serious mental health crisis.

    Q. Who should I call to request a CIT officer?
    A. If the situation is an emergency, dial 9-1-1. When you are transferred to a police department call taker, request a CIT officer. If the situation is not an emergency, call the Houston Police Department dispatch directly at 713-884-3131. Tell the call taker the situation involves a person in a serious mental health crisis and request a CIT officer.

    That you keep you busy for awhile and give you at least a start! Good Luck, I know how frustrating this is.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry your son is behaving this way. I hope he does not become physically violent, it sounds as though he might.

    Mom to 3 gave some really great info, as did the others. It is hard when your child is over 21. Does he have a diagnosis? Has he ever seen a psychiatrist (with the MD) or a psychologist?

    Is he abusing medications or using drugs now? If so you may receive support from Al-Anon or Narc-Anon. They can be super supportive.

    Read the Boundaries book.


  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Well, something certainly needs to get his attention, that's for sure.

    MaryKay, please put in a profile signature so that we will recall your story every time you post. You can find the directions on the FAQ Forum.

    You have already gotten great advice from the parents above. What, of their suggestions, have you tried? Let us help you brainstorm.

    Personally, I'd go the ignore, ignore, ignore route. If you don't have caller ID, get it- then don't answer the phone. Muting your answering machine is good. If he becomes threatening on the phone (remember, you aren't answering so his words should be going to tape on your answering machine) you need to report it. It will only escalate as long as it is tolerated.

    I'm so sorry. I'm sure your heart is breaking.

  7. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    Woops! Sorry about posting names, I too will PM in the future.
  8. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Hi MaryKay. What is your son's diagnosis?
    There is no way to committ an adult unless they are judged a danger to themselves or others and I'm pretty sure it is a 72 hr thing.
    If you are appointed his guardian then you can make life decision's for him. I do not believe you on your own can have him institutionalized. It would have to be done by his Dr.

    I have no idea why you contacted Dr. Phil 100 times? Is he your doctor? Isn't he in California? I'm confused by this.

    Your son is an adult. If he is harassing you, you must call police and get an order of protection. Does he live with you? You may have to separate from him if this has gotten to the point of him being unstable.

    I can imagine this is very worrisome for you. It's really much more difficult to help your son now that he is an adult.
  9. marykay223

    marykay223 There has to be help

    Hi Fran:

    I was trying to contact Dr. Phil because the hospital that my son should be at is in Texas and unless you are have money, you can't get in.

    I did have my son removed from my house, I did see a lawyer on a protective order but 1. he wanted 2,000 and 2. because I my case was more mental abuse than physical abuse the lawuer said it was weak.

    Thank you for replying. I know I am not alone but some days it feels like I am.

  10. marykay223

    marykay223 There has to be help

    To all the wonderful people that replied:

    Here is the diagnosis for my son:

    ADHD, PTSD, Anxiety Issues, Bipolar (he does not accept this one)

    Now he also is

    a chronic liar, verbally and physically abusive, lives in a world of entitlement, a certain family member has gone against my wishes and has showered him with just in the past year over 20 to 25 thousand dollars - enabling his abuse of medications and entitlement issues, and tries to hold a person hostage with mental cruelty (i.e. suicide, trumped up negativies on a person's life)

    I am printing out what everyone has suggested. I am willing to do whatever it takes to help him with-o having him hurt me.

    Just sad - he is bright, articulate, nice looking but I truly believe due to all the medications his brain has changed, which makes him a "time bomb" waiting to explode. I love him but I don't and will never enable his behaviour.

    Mary Kay
  11. marykay223

    marykay223 There has to be help

    I am not sure where to put a profile signature?

    Mary Kay:dissapointed:
  12. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    All the advice is great. I would add that you need to document, document, document. Keep a running word document that you add to every day. It's easy to forget the small things, but if you can just go in and add, it makes a big deal when you present it to a judge/attorney.

    As far as Dr. Phil, well...I think he's done a lot for people in need, but you need to understand that you put your ENTIRE life on public view for media attention. It's really not to help your son. Some people are willing to do this (obviously), others are not.

    Example: When I ran this site Columbine happened. I had every possible news agency asking me to speak on the air. But...and this is the BIG but, they wanted to hear MY story as well. Nope. This is my family. As much as things were bad, I couldn't drag difficult child into the public light. It would have been so easy then.

    Hugs to you that things even out.

  13. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE