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Parent Emeritus
There is just no hope for difficult child at this point
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 637348" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Guide me,</p><p></p><p>She is thrashing and blaming. That is a very difficult child thing. Try not to let any of it land. She is responsible for her own life, today and going forward. The past is done...what she did, what you did for her...no point in arguing or rehashing it now.</p><p></p><p>When my exGFGnowPC daughter was about 15, in the middle of an awful adolescent exchange, she told me I was toxic, which cut me to the core. Somehow I was able to keep my sanity, and I said "if that is true then it is incumbent on you to not let my toxicity ruin your life. You are the only one who can do that." I meant it, and it is true. (I don't think I was toxic, but who knows?)</p><p></p><p>So yes, you are allowed to recover from the past. She is allowed to recover from whatever bad past she thinks she had. You are doing the right stuff. This drama, this tragedy, is a passageway, a doorway to a better life. Let it go. Move through it. Try to keep the conversations short. Leave when she is insulting. Youdn't have to reason with her, and you won't get her to see it your way. You can try "I love you but I'm done trying to take care of you. I need to take care of me now, and it is your job to take care of you. You are a smart, strong, resourceful person. I have confidence that you can figure it out." and then end the conversation. Repeat as necessary.</p><p></p><p>Your continuing to "give her chances" won't change a thing. You've been there, done that. The only one who can change her path now is her.</p><p></p><p>I know, cause my difficult child is in the same position. Nothing I've done has helped him. The only one who can improve his life is him. This hurts my heart every day, but knowing that it is true helps some. I hope it helps you too.</p><p></p><p>Hugs,</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 637348, member: 17269"] Guide me, She is thrashing and blaming. That is a very difficult child thing. Try not to let any of it land. She is responsible for her own life, today and going forward. The past is done...what she did, what you did for her...no point in arguing or rehashing it now. When my exGFGnowPC daughter was about 15, in the middle of an awful adolescent exchange, she told me I was toxic, which cut me to the core. Somehow I was able to keep my sanity, and I said "if that is true then it is incumbent on you to not let my toxicity ruin your life. You are the only one who can do that." I meant it, and it is true. (I don't think I was toxic, but who knows?) So yes, you are allowed to recover from the past. She is allowed to recover from whatever bad past she thinks she had. You are doing the right stuff. This drama, this tragedy, is a passageway, a doorway to a better life. Let it go. Move through it. Try to keep the conversations short. Leave when she is insulting. Youdn't have to reason with her, and you won't get her to see it your way. You can try "I love you but I'm done trying to take care of you. I need to take care of me now, and it is your job to take care of you. You are a smart, strong, resourceful person. I have confidence that you can figure it out." and then end the conversation. Repeat as necessary. Your continuing to "give her chances" won't change a thing. You've been there, done that. The only one who can change her path now is her. I know, cause my difficult child is in the same position. Nothing I've done has helped him. The only one who can improve his life is him. This hurts my heart every day, but knowing that it is true helps some. I hope it helps you too. Hugs, Echo [/QUOTE]
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There is just no hope for difficult child at this point
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