They are BOTH

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Feb 13, 2011.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    weeping now. Jess and thank you both had bad nights - felt yucky, didn't sleep much, yada yada yada. I KNEW it was not going to be a great morning.

    At around 7 they got into it. Jess was talking to thank you and he just blew. She always this and that and never the other which makes him always miss whatever. He just started screaming. She wasn't thrilled because he left a gallon jug of syrup in the middle of the floor and she tripped on it - largely because the floor around it was wet from a cup of water that the cat spilled. thank you leaves cups of water 1/2 to 3/4 full on the edge of the table, counter, wherever and the cat knocks them over. We have been battling this for at least 5 years - before we even got the idiot cat! She is not the only on this drives nuts.

    He seems to have had a great time telling her how awful she is. She never this and always that - adds up to about 4 always and 7 nevers. She is now scared because she doesn't remember stuff he is saying she did that happened months ago. NOT big stuff like hitting him or destroying his stuff, rather things like not recording a show when he wanted her to because something else was recording but recording it later, He turned it to say that she will NEVER record what he wants or let him watch anything.

    Boy is going to have a come to mom talk this afternoon. He runs her around like another mom - help me with this, do that, I don't feel good what should I do, and twenty-leven other things a day. Why she hasn't brained him or told him to do stuff himself more I will NEVER know. I have to get really firm and put punishment into place to get her to stop doing things for him and to let him learn to do for himself. This annoys the **** out of me and we have worked on it for several (11) years.

    Last night she was almost asleep four times when he either shook or yelled her awake because he was feeling yucky. Each time she had him sit down and she came to ask me to help. His knee and back were hurting (knee is a constant problem and has been since age 2 - docs keep saying growing pains but I don't believe in them and it behaves like jr rheum arthritis) and she got me to come help him. I told him specifically to come to me and not her, but he "couldn't" the next 3 times.

    I understand that they were fighting because they have had too much time together with the snow days and the sick days he has had, plus they both feel yucky from this cold and from other problems. But too much is E.N.O.U.G.H.

    Do you think a policy where if a problem is over a week old then it is to be ignored unless it happens again and then is mentioned within a week would be helpful? Drives me battier to hear about a problem that was months ago and have anyone expect me to do something about it now. If it wasn't a big deal then, why are you wasting my time with it now?? NOT for stuff like abuse, but for stupid little stuff like watching show A instead of show B.

    I am also going to put up an Always and Never bank. Anytime someone say that someone always or never does something, or even that this always or neveer happens, they must put money in the A&N bank. With a very few exceptions, always and never are not words that apply to human behavior. Mostly, often and rarely apply, but NOT always and never. HUGE pet peeve of mine. Want to lose and argument with me? Tell me I always do something or never do another thing. I will tear taht hypothesis up in a second or 3.

    Any other suggestions? Pray that I don't totally lose my mind over this koi!!! It wouldn't bother me as much if they spoke up when problems happened - it is the bottlign them up and then letting them explode like diet coke that you put a mint mentos candy in that chaps my hide!! Deal with things when they happen, from crying out loud!!!!!

    Thanks ladies - appreciate the vent and any ideas.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Wow. That sounds a little like my house. easy child in our house is usually asking difficult child to do or get things for him out of pure laziness. I have had many discussions with both. I usually intervene when he does that and remind him that "difficult child is farther away from X than you are" or "you want it, you get it" or (my personal favorite) "difficult child was not born to serve you". I also remind difficult child that it is nice to do things for easy child once in a while but that if he really doesn't want to, he doesn't have to. I also tell difficult child that he was not born to serve easy child. easy child usually gets angry but I play the broken record.

    We also have a couple rules in our house. It's done, it's over, now DROP it and If it wasn't important then, it's even less important now. I spend a lot of time getting both kids to realize that grudges don't solve or help anything and that keeping score won't work. easy child plays the always and never cards a lot and I play the elephant with all the memories. He HATES it when I easily list examples to the contrary of what he is saying. I so hate those words also. I REALLY like your idea about the A&N jar. I could get rich very quickly.

    Sorry you are having a rough morning. Sending {{(((HUGS)))}}
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    What IS it about today?!

    I've had many talks with the kids about Jett not being Onyxx's slave. They don't work - she refuses to listen, and he is afraid of her.

    She'll send him downstairs - "Onyxx wants you"... "Then SHE can come get us." (He goes and tells her that, and she screams at him.)
    ..."JETT!!!!!!!" (scream from Onyxx.) ..."What is going on?" "He didn't make toast for me!" "Did you ask?" "I TOLD him to MAKE my TOAST!" (Duh, I wonder WHY he didn't make it... I wouldn't have, either...)
    We're all sitting in the living room... Jett gets up to get a glass of water... "BUBBY! Get me some water too." (Me, quietly: "what do you say?") "A BIG glass too make sure you crush the ice!" (husband, also quietly: "Get it yourself. He's not your servant. If you can't even say PLEASE...")

    So I understand... But it must be a difficult child moon or something...
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Holy cow. What a mess. I'd be throttling him. And she needs to get a backbone instead of exploding (says moi, who didn't learn that until 10 yrs into marriage ...)Best of luck! I hear ya.
  5. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Any way you can send one of them off to do something else for while outside or at a friend's to separate them for a bit?
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    We actually had a therapist help our kids with this. DS learned to say "You're not the boss of me!" and he learned that husband and I would back him up. He didn't need to be a servant to difficult child - no matter what she said!

    As to the bringing up things that happened eons ago? I wonder if that's a difficult child thing? Even among adults - it's the difficult children in the group that cannot seem to let the slightest thing go....even if it was a long time ago. It's as if they keep a running tally of what is "owed" to them and they keep waiting to be "paid back" for all their suffering.