They are going to investigate!!!!!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Star*, Jan 30, 2008.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I had to share our news. Whether anything is done or not - remains to be seen. But the more we talked to Dude about the things that went on there - the angrier DF and I got. We just kept taking notes.

    I called the Protection and Advocacy board for persons with disabilities. I called the State Governors office, they called the Department of Social services who called me - and are calling the licensing board.

    It has been said they must go without warning - no (red alert) - to clean up and stock the pantry.

    The boy who was choked by the owner and had an improper therapeutic hold by the manager is 19 - sadly there is nothing they can do. If the boy wishes to swear out a complaint he can - then I'm sure he's out of a home. So it will not happen.

    But based on the fact that my son was involved in 2 near fatal accidents and I was never called - they will check into that.

    I have wrestled with the animal issue also - if I call animal control THEY will be out today or tomorrow. Isn't it something that it takes people longer to investigate about abused children than it does animals? However the DSS lady agreed to hold off until she calls back as yes, that is a tip off. And the interesting factor brought to light- people that abuse animals rarely stop there.

    The place will not be shut down. I explained that it is NOT my intention to have 4 boys be out of a home. It IS not negotiable that they have sanitary conditions, food and not be abused. I worried they would be on the street - DSS said they are in the system until 21 = they will get assistance for relocating if it comes to that.

    So I can tell the judge I did what I promised. I can walk around knowing that I mean what I say - and did something about it. I hope that either these people get some help - OR get out of the business.

    Had I known that the level of care given was Nothing like the description I was given - Dude would have never EVER went there. NEVER. But because we were told there would be supervision - and there wasn't now Dude is looking at 6 years in adult state prison. Not a place you want to see a 17 year old who has been a "patsy" twice.

    Keep these boys in your good thoughts - that this place makes a turn around for the best.

    Thought I'd give you the 411 - (omg I am talking like a teen now) 4sur

  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Star, I'm really confused. If Dude is removed from here, he goes to prison for 6 years? Because of things that happened there or before going there? What happened to placement until they are 21?

    I doubt you can control whether it is shut down or not. Personally, I would want it shut down. These people have no business trying to help teenage boys. However, given the realities of foster care in this country, you're right, shutting it down would be a disaster because there are so few alternatives.

    If they let this place stay open, can there be a way to insure that periodic surprise visits will be continual -- at least for the next 12 months? Oh, well, at least they're going to do something now.

    What a horrid, sad situation for everyone.
  3. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I'm so glad Dude is out of there!!! I'm so glad you brought this horrendous situation to the attention of those who can do something about it!!! Like you, I find it absolutely disgusting that animals are taken care of before children. And, as you know, I LOVE ANIMALS!!!

    Isn't there anything that can be done to keep Dude from spending 6 years in an adult state prison??? Obviously Dude needed supervision or you wouldn't have sent him there to begin with. It isn't Dude's fault, any more than it is your fault, that there was no supervision or appropriate adult role models - WHAT AN UNDERSTATEMENT!!!

    How is Dude doing now that he is home? How are you and DF doing with Dude at home? Enough questions for now!!!

    I wish I could do something to help you - Just know I'm keeping Dude, you and your DF in my thoughts... WFEN
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911

    dudes first offense came with :

    100 hrs. community service
    95 days in Department of Juvenile Justice
    3 years probation to report 1 Tuesday a month
    $$$$'s in restitution.

    We started him here doing his hours - and he did manage to get some done in the group home.

    We're trying to help him get a job.

    The thing is - if he breaks probation he could be violated and go to jail for 6 years - He'd be 23, no skills, no education - and probably a career criminal with no job - I'll be 50 years old - and not in the mood, don't want a 23 yr. old man in my home - and so I am praying something happens.

    How is it going? - Yeah, well....he's home, he's Dude. We just can't keep him - he really needs a level of structure we can't give. And more time to mature. A LOT more time.

    thanks for asking.

    ps - on a more sour note - DSS said there isn't anything they can do about what went on at the group home that we're telling them about. The licensing board is supposed to go out unannounced - but they know them, so you tell me what's going to get done - nothing. I can't even get a report back about it. Nothing. - I have the knowledge that I did what I could that would make the most impact.
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Keeping you and Dude in my thoughts for a good outcome.
  6. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    You are amazing.......keep fighting the good fight.......even if it feels endless.

    I hope, pray, that things can work out so that is place is shut down. No one should be allowed to live that way.
  7. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Was Dude on probation when he went there? Does that not count for anything? So they let him go there in good faith - I am confused as to why he may be facing 6 years? Fill me in.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm also not understanding the 6 yrs in prison part.

    (but I also have just spent the past 5 hrs writing and English paper lol, my brain may be shut down)

    Well, I'm glad they're going to investigate. I dunno, just from what you told us here there sounds like plenty of grounds for lawsuits. And we know how the potential for lawsuits can be enough to make changes sometimes. So saying a prayer and keeping body parts crossed they do this investigation the right way.

    More glad that Dude is outta there.

    So? Are they gonna find an alternative placement for Dude?

  9. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Most states are so deperate for alternatives to jail that they will put up with a lot.....sounds like this is what is going on here. Places like the home Dude was in do nothing to help, but guess it depends on how bad the prison is......They can get away with this because the alternative of going to prison is usually hanging over their the home becomes the lesser of two evils......Not what anyone wants for their kid, but just what happens. I doubt the home will change (or if it does it won't last)......that would be admitting they did something wrong..... The system has "bigger fish" to fry, unfortunately, they aren't too concerned with one place that they receive reports on from difficult children who have lied in the past.......
    This is only my opinion, have no facts, but been to enough of these places to see the signs........Sorry, but I don't have much hope that this will get better, only hope you can find a place for Dude that has more to offer and follows state guidelines because they want to help......
  10. WiscKaren

    WiscKaren New Member

    I just want to say that I hope everything works out for you (and Dude). I'm proud that you stood up and made them calls!

    Please keep us posted. (((Hugs)))
  11. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Thanks for the update, so sorry you and Dude are between a rock and a hard place. I would be really concerned about him going back and I think I understand you fear he will mess up his probation if you let him stay at home? Why can't they find another placement???
  12. Coookie

    Coookie Active Member


    Sending good thoughts and keeping things crossed that they will clean up their act. :( You are right.... you did what you could... now it is in the hands of the "powers that be" and hopefully they will do what needs to be done.

    It is hard when we find out our difficult children have been in a situation totally opposite than what we believed it too be. Hard not to feel some misplaced guilt (at least for me) but knowing you have done what you can hopefully will give you a little piece.

    I will even do a chicken liver dance (not naked) .... under a fullmoon.... on a cold night.... :cutie_pie: for you and dude in hopes of a positive resolution to this situation.

    Sending hugs
  13. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    That's what being a warrior mom is alll about! I hope they shut the place down. I'm glad dude is out of there.-Alyssa
  14. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Thanks everyone -

    Even with all the actual eye witness things we saw - and the beating marks on the other boy - and the unsanitary conditions that would make you hurl - DSS said since the boy is 19 - nothing will happen except the licensing board will go out unannounced and make a visit -

    Well that's just DANDY - because the licensing board KNOWS them - so they willl get a call and everything will look honkey dorey.

    I don't understand any of it - No one seems to give a flying, flaming thought as to what these kids are living in - because despite the pain of these boys - no one else will take them so that makes THIS house a commodity that no one wants to shut down.

    AMAZING - no rules, no consequences. Just go, do and get until you are thrown in jail.

    In less than 2 days -
    Dude is in school
    Dude is now looking for jobs
    Dude is doing chores to beat the devil out of sweating
    Dude is keeping his room military clean
    Dude is back in therapy
    Dude has a plan -

    I did this in TWO freaking days - and they couldn't do it in 5 months WITH money and SUPPORTS.....

    Am I going to the governors meeting this week??

    YOU BETCHA and I'm not shutting up until everyone gets what I'm saying......

    and I fully FULLY intend on making the finger cross over the other finger sweeping sign when I say SHAME SHAME -

    THIS is why I don't run for county council - NO ONE CARES and I WON'T beat the entire system - but I can take a house apart one brick at a time.

    I want them to send ME $1000.00 and three people to sit in my house "trained" to deal with these children AND foodstamps - AND medicaid......


    I scared the bejeezers out of DF so bad he'll have no comments to make for a while - I suggested we start our own GROUP home -

    I can still hear him he runs far, far,,,,,,,,,,,far.........:confused:(see that dot?) farther away.

  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Star...I actually have been through something almost similar but not quite. Cory has been in one group home that was actually shut down and we got the call at almost midnight to come get him or they were sending him to Department of Juvenile Justice! Now at the time he had done nothing to warrant going to Department of Juvenile Justice...just the home was getting shut down through no fault of Cory.

    Seems staff there got caught doing some not so nice things with girls...then they got girls taken away...then one of the owners of the home got caught committing arson at a local high school and that was it...home was shut down in the middle of the night.

    Then the time that I really tried to get a placement investigated I was completely unsuccessful. Cory was sent to a therapeutic foster care placement after leaving Residential Treatment Center (RTC). It was a joke. Now as most people who know me know I have absolutely no problem with anyones sexual orientation but this home was run by two gay guys. The house itself was spotless and full of glass knicknacks. The first thought I had was how do you keep problem boys from breaking all these glass trinkets?

    This home was in the next county to mine and my phone didnt except long distance calls but I had these two devices that text messaged each other. I left him there on the condition that he was to be allowed to keep one of them and be allowed to text me whenever he wanted. He could only text with this device not make phone calls. There wasnt a problem for a few days but then Cory was trying to text me about what was going on in the home. Seems this guy was trying to get Cory to sleep in the guys room "while they waited on his bed to arrive." Cory was the oldest boy there. He flat told this guy hell no and that is when life got miserable. The guy tried to take his messenger and I got mad!

    Thats when all of a sudden all sorts of allegations against Cory came up from this guy when he had been saying all was peachy keen. BS. I know what was going on and we tried to get CPS to go in to investigate but no one did. I did yank Cory and through a huge fit and threatened to remove him from services if they wouldnt back me up. I got called a few bad names but oh well.
  16. Star*

    Star* call 911


    You know I found out this time that animals will get a proper response quicker than this. This isn't my first time or rodeo of group home/Residential Treatment Center (RTC) abuse.

    When dude was 6.5 i had a man fired at the state hospital for choking him and shoving him into a corner. They watched the video and it was true. The employees did not know the place was taped.

    When Dude was 10 - he had a diamond and cross necklace a friend bought him jerked off his neck. We arrived at the home unannounced to find Dude in the padded room, yelling obscenities to the staff woman that took his jewelry. I asked him what was wrong, he told me she jerked it off his neck and broke it, I went to the 'dean', they came back and made her empty her pockets, found it - and then took her to the office and gave the necklace to me - it wasn't real - but the fact remains - She was NOT fired, but quit soon after with strict rules to keep hands off clients.

    When Dude was 12 - he had a staff member jerk him up against a wall off the floor and choke him. Two other staff members confirmed the abuse and by the time we got to the "dean' they had all been dummied up - and wouldn't say a thing. We pulled Dude AMA. I stood in the lobby and asked WHY the man accused wouldn't face ME. I wasn't redneck about it - but if I could have gotten my hands on him - and I told him through a steel door to step outside where the bigger person could beat on the smaller person - and he laughed, and I said - YOU being the smaller person you jerk. He didn't laugh then, but still never came out. Probably good for me. Nothing like Jail in Augusta.

    When Dude was 15 - he had his head slammed against the wall and passed out. The staff investigated a staff member - and he said it was an accident. Two weeks later - same staff member did an inappropriate therapeutic hold - Made Dude pass out again - again, tapes revealed what had happened, and due to being short handed they moved the staff member to a different dorm (apparently he had issues with Dude) - that was the best/most they were willing to do.

    When Dude was 16 - he had his jaw broken by another peer - and then was thrown out of the home - he was doing well at that time in school (all A's) and on campus working his levels. When I asked for a police report (required by law through DSS) I was threatened that they would take Dude to jail and back up their client. I was told about 2 weeks ago that the attorney doesn't think he has anything to "go" forward on. FREAKING grrrr.

    And now - This abomination of a group home.

    So I know where you are coming from. It blows bubbles - and makes you want to start a parent watchdog group....but thanks to HiPAA (which I think basically protects the criminals in the health care system) nothing can be done - they got that HIPAA and now we cant set foot inside a place because it might give away the identity of other clients - as if the kids dont' tell us who they are there with.....another Freaking grrr.
  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    So true star about HIPAA. I never did see the inside of the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) but have been amazed when we see former buddies on the outside. Fortunately Cory didnt have quite as many bad experiences as Dude did. Maybe we got lucky or maybe NC is just slightly better...who knows. If things were that bad, I would have heard about it. No one ever physically abused Cory and all but one of the group homes had open door policies to parents. I could have shown up there at midnight and they would have been ok with it.

    But that could be the difference in the type of agency that I was using to get placement too. I was going through a specific part of mental health and not social services.
  18. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    If you have burned your bridges at this place how about trying to get the media involved? They might have more resources to check this out.......worth a shot to prevent this from happening to others......hope Dude can hang in with the home program........
  19. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Why me.

    I have not contacted the media locally because the group home is so far back off the road and gated that the press would be trespassing to get an inside look. Short of going in undercover - they have no chance of getting in there.

    AND - currently my relationship with our current agency is slightly strained because while they believe me - they ARE the agency that placed Dude there and they don't need any BAD press.

    I need to get Dude in somewhere that he is safe - I myself am working on that and other things regarding the life of Dude.

    But it is a back burner idea if the licensing agency doesn't do diddly.