They just love the drama!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Tiredof33, Aug 25, 2012.

  1. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    I detest the drama and many of my family members thrive on it. My sister called me yesterday to ask me if I had seen what my 34yo difficult child posted about her son on facebook, and why did he post it.

    I told her I rarely go on facebook - just to look at the pics the younger ones post - and I had not seen it. Of course she has to tell me about it.

    My difficult child posted on facebook that his cuz was a deadbeat dad and of course the cuz retaliated. I told my sis I did not post it and I was not getting involved in the drama between two 34yo adults. But what I did not like was the cuz posting that my son was just like me, and not in a good way. I did not say that to anyone BECAUSE they want the entire family and friends to take sides and get involved. AND MANY OF THEM HAVE!!

    I remember a counselor telling me to pretend I was at a game, sitting in the sidelines, and NOT playing the game, not caring which side wins. As much as I feel my difficult child had to be either drunk, stoned, stupid, or all three, I did not start the war and I refuse to get involved.

    We have asked what came first the difficult child, or did the drugs make the difficult child. In my family I have many non drugger difficult children and all are ultimate drama king and queens.

    I maybe be the first person to sign up to live on the moon!!! Thanks, I just needed to vent and sympathy. To know that my difficult child may very well continue like this for the rest of my life is hard today. Today I will meditate A LOT!!!
    (((hugs for us all)))
  2. I will go with you (to the moon!) but only if I can bring easy child and husband with me. LOL.

    I can certainly sympathize with the drama. Lots of that in my family as well and plenty coming from my difficult child.

    Sorry that this is happening for you. Hope the issues dies down. I love the analogy of sitting on the sidelines not caring which team wins - I may use that to help me in the future. So - Thank you for posting that.
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Being detached is the mind saver. I think you're doing well. DDD
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Good for you to recognize it as Drama! It is all about stirring up ugly emotions. A lot of things said that may really not be believed by the sayer but that the sayer believes will be a stab at the other person.

    The less involved, the smaller the drama. You are doing the right thing to stay out. Anyone who tries to draw you in can be told "This is between those two people and I am not adding to it."
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Heck, why put up with it for the rest of your life? I have a few suggestions.

    1/Disengage from the drama makers in your family. Decrease how often you talk to them. Let the phone ring and ring when they call, then listen to their voicemail message to see if they are angry and want to bring you into it or if it is just a legitimate call to say "hello." Don't return the drama calls. I do this now all the time and I feel kinda silly that I didn't think of doing it earlier.

    2/Never ever look at FB. If you do get a relative in a drama moment, just keep repeating "It's not my problem." Or say you have to leave and get off the drama train. You don't have to ride it.

    3/Try hard to stop caring about the drama queens and what they do/say. This is hard and probably requires a lot of stepping back and detaching. Sis sounds like quite the drama queen and still fussing over her "little boy" who is a grown man. Maybe it's best not to talk to Sis very much.

    4/Go back for counseling to help you deal with this on a day-to-day basis. I think you will hear a lot about detaching from the dysfunction. You can't be a part of it, if you don't participate.

    Good luck :)
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have so many difficult child's in my family who have no clue they are difficult child's. All I have ever heard is what my kids have done wrong meanwhile I have seen and known what everyone else's kids have been doing. Cory was far far from the worse one in the family. He was just the only one that was getting treatment so he stood out.
  7. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My brother loves to stir up drama. He stirred up so much a few years ago, Youngest un-friended him on FB and keeps her distance. These days I do exactly what MWM suggested: I only take his calls when I'm in a mood to deal with him, and call him back when I'm in the right frame of mind, based on whatever message he leaves. Everything is on *my* terms, and I keep firm boundaries in place. After the drama a few years back, I blocked him from my FB page for awhile, and hid him from my feed, just so I could completely disengage for a bit and re-group. After a few weeks I "let him back in," and now I just try to keep a sense of humor about his antics. It's all so silly, in a sad sort of way.

    It's amazing how many grown adults love to get right in the middle of things that aren't any of their business, though.
  8. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    It is silly, sad lol!!! And one of the biggest Drama Queens is a 76+yo woman my uncle married. She has disowned her oldest son and he was a easy child! This woman was telling the family for years that my uncle has Alzheimers and could not talk on the phone. A LIE! Before my grandmother died she asked us all to keep in touch and play nicely. They can't, so I stopped going to the family reunions. We are talking about shouting matches between her and other family members.

    She has never met my difficult child and yet she loves to post on his FB page. difficult child loves the drama too or he would not be posting the things he does on FB. I told him to unfriend her and send private messages to people. The things these adult kids post are embarrassing!!!

    My difficult child explained to me that he did not call him a 'dead beat dad' - he was saying don't be one. My difficult child didn't like what was posted about me and I told him to let it go, I personally don't care. Don't feed the fire.

    If my difficult child had sense enough to not post his life on FB then they would have nothing to gossip about! I love my privacy and hate FACEBOOK!
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Well, what he posts on FB is HIS problem, not yours :)