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Things are going from bad to worse!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 658517" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I am so sorry you are hurting. It always helps to remember that you didn't do anything wrong, that your daughter is never probably going to be any different, and not to let her sweet talk her way so deeply into your heart. Keep a wall up and be cynical. When they are being the nicest to us, very sadly, it is often to set us up for a huge favor, like money or a place to stay and the niceness wears off as soon as we say "no." You also have no control of your grandson. The law makes it that way. She has other children and they are making their way the best they can, still alive and growing, in spite of her abuse/neglect.</p><p></p><p>I hope you like yourself enough to get into therapy if you aren't already in it. That's really what helped me over the hump....that and Al-Anon. It is very hard to learn detachment and coping skills on your own.</p><p></p><p>It took me a loooooooooooooong time to learn this...but nobody should be allowed to abuse you, no matter who they are, including adult children. I think it's always best not to spread the word about your troubles with Difficult Child. Neighbors, family, co-workers...those without the same problems do not understand the hate that can be showered on us by people who are supposed to love us. And many others think you have to put up with it anyway if they are related to you. I've learned to keep my life to myself, except on anon. forums, like this one. The advice of somebody who has not lived what we have is not informed advice. I keep my family garbage between me and my therapist and the good folks here. </p><p></p><p>Do you work, have hobbies, have any places you go to for fun, etc? You matter. You matter as much as anyone matters. Equal to your daughter and grandson.</p><p></p><p>Remember, we are always here, even at night, even on holidays, and we care about you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 658517, member: 1550"] I am so sorry you are hurting. It always helps to remember that you didn't do anything wrong, that your daughter is never probably going to be any different, and not to let her sweet talk her way so deeply into your heart. Keep a wall up and be cynical. When they are being the nicest to us, very sadly, it is often to set us up for a huge favor, like money or a place to stay and the niceness wears off as soon as we say "no." You also have no control of your grandson. The law makes it that way. She has other children and they are making their way the best they can, still alive and growing, in spite of her abuse/neglect. I hope you like yourself enough to get into therapy if you aren't already in it. That's really what helped me over the hump....that and Al-Anon. It is very hard to learn detachment and coping skills on your own. It took me a loooooooooooooong time to learn this...but nobody should be allowed to abuse you, no matter who they are, including adult children. I think it's always best not to spread the word about your troubles with Difficult Child. Neighbors, family, co-workers...those without the same problems do not understand the hate that can be showered on us by people who are supposed to love us. And many others think you have to put up with it anyway if they are related to you. I've learned to keep my life to myself, except on anon. forums, like this one. The advice of somebody who has not lived what we have is not informed advice. I keep my family garbage between me and my therapist and the good folks here. Do you work, have hobbies, have any places you go to for fun, etc? You matter. You matter as much as anyone matters. Equal to your daughter and grandson. Remember, we are always here, even at night, even on holidays, and we care about you. [/QUOTE]
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Things are going from bad to worse!!!!
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