Things aren't good.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Lothlorien, Jan 15, 2011.

  1. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I took kids to a party, but came home to husband gone. He's really sick, so I knew something was up. His dad called and asked him to come to the hospital to say goodbye to his mom.:sad:

    I'm home with the kids and beside myself. I don't know what to do or say to them. I want to call my family and friends, but I don't want the kids to hear me.
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    O I am so sorry....
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    I'm so sorry. I lost my mom in August so I have some sense of what your family is going through. Be gentle with yourself, the kids and husband. Hugs.
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Do you have anyone nearby than can stay with the kids for a little while?
  5. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    I am so very sorry ... hugs and prayers to husband and your family ...
  6. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    *HUGS* Do you feel it would be bad for the kids to have a chance to say good-bye?
  7. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I would have gone out there, but she's in Philly and husband already left. I would have brought the kids, but husband said no.
  8. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    That answer might leave him a lot to answer for later. My mother had personal issues with my Dad's family, so I never got to know his parents well. Even when his dad was dying her edict was that we were not allowed to have contact with them (which to some degree we obviously did, because we knew about it), so I never got to say good-bye, hardly had a chance to say hello when I was little. My Mom died when I was 16, and to this day I have never forgiven her for it, and she knew it.
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, Loth. Many hugs.
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so sorry, Loth. Sending prayers to you and your family at this difficult time.
  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm sorry to hear this, Loth. I'm sure your husband wishes you could be there with him, too. I think it might be a good idea to talk with him before telling the kids. He might not be prepared to have top discuss it all with them the minute he sees them again. I'll keep your family in my thoughts as you go thru this difficult time.
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Many hugs. I am so sorry. Follow your instincts and his on how to handle it for your family.
  13. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    So sorry. ((((hugs))))
  14. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    When my mom died in August, my dad just wanted me and my brothers with him -- no spouses and no grandchildren. We stayed with him the entire weekend my mom was in a coma. As sad as it was, I am glad my brothers and I could be there for my father with no distractions from the rest of our families. And I really wouldn't have wanted my kids to see my mom in that condition. So perhaps there is a reason your husband is with his father without the rest of you.

    Hugs. I know this is hard for you.
  15. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Everyone and every family handles it differently. I'm just recalling my thoughts as a kid and knowing that I could have had a chance to say good-bye that was not allowed because my Mom had a grudge. Some people would rather not be remembered as how they were at the end, but rather how they were before, and I get that. Kids don't generally "get that" until they're much older. It's going to be rough on everyone no matter what, I just wonder if the kids want that chance and if she's open to it if it's possible, because if no one tells them and they find out later that they could have... you know how it goes.
  16. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    You all are in my thoughts and prayers. DDD
  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member know I really empathize with you. There are no right answers but I do wish you could have been there for your husband. Im sure he would have liked that. I know I wanted Tony with me.

    As far as the kids, well, my kids were older but the great grands were younger and I felt they shouldnt have gone but Jamie took his. I didnt take Keyana. Im sure you remember what I told her and you can feel free to use what I told her as an explanation. I think it was quite soothing for kids.

    This really isnt a good time of year for us on the board is it?
  18. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    No, Janet, it's not. My mother died a year ago today. My heart is with Loth and her family. {{{Hugs}}}.
  19. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    I'm sorry Loth - she knows you're there in spirit - May God Bless her and hold her tightly in the palm of His hand.

  20. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Loth, there's no right or wrong way to handle these situations. My situation was similar to SW's this summer -- and my husband stayed home with my kids while I spent the days and evenings at the hospital with my mom and brother while my dad was declining. I didn't want my kids to have to deal with the situation. It was hard enough for the adults who were close to him to make decisions, see him slipping away so quickly. But every family is different. Perhaps your husband needs to do this alone. He'll be back, and he'll need you then. It's hard on everyone regardless.