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Failure to Thrive
Things Didn't Work Out As Planned
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 704204" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>At his age, having him come home is NOT helping him. He needs to go get a job if he won't go to school. It is NOT bad to not want him to come home, NOT AT ALL. Do NOT let him make you feel bad about that. Your home is YOUR sanctuary and who wants a pot smoking depressed person lazing around all the time? </p><p></p><p>Enabling happens. We ALL do it to some extent. You can only do so much, and sometimes you have to do things for you, and not for your kid. That means giving them a jacket, or some rent money simply because you cannot stand to see them out in the cold. Or whatever. But having him stay in his apartment and be responsible for some of the bills and part of the rent, and have you stand firm on that when the lights get shut out, will teach him some life lessons that he needs. Because life happens to everyone, even those with depression. If his depression is so bad that he cannot work, there is SSI that he can try for if you are in the US. HE can talk to his doctors about that. It should come from him, not you. </p><p></p><p>I would urge him to stay there and tell him his room is not available. Turn it into a craft or exercise room or an office, something for you. My mom turned my room into an office when I got married. My brother would take off for work for 9 mos at a time but leave all his stuff in his old room so he wasn't 'moved out', but wouldn't pay rent or storage, so my mom boxed all his stuff up, even his huge porn stash (embarrassed bro to no end, lol, esp with the boxes labelled in big letters on each side), got a storage unit for him, and sent him the bill. His rant about that was a riot to hear. I laughed and laughed. I was NOT the sympathetic sister he wanted that day, lol!</p><p></p><p>Above all, do what feels right to YOU. Do what YOU can.I can suggest things, but I am not his mom and didn't raise him. I would drug test him if he came home, and if pot isn't legal, it wouldn't be in my home. I would call the cops regularly if I suspected him of using or having it in my home if it isn't legal. </p><p></p><p>Also, please look into what MAOI's interact with. I know they are complex medicines.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 704204, member: 1233"] At his age, having him come home is NOT helping him. He needs to go get a job if he won't go to school. It is NOT bad to not want him to come home, NOT AT ALL. Do NOT let him make you feel bad about that. Your home is YOUR sanctuary and who wants a pot smoking depressed person lazing around all the time? Enabling happens. We ALL do it to some extent. You can only do so much, and sometimes you have to do things for you, and not for your kid. That means giving them a jacket, or some rent money simply because you cannot stand to see them out in the cold. Or whatever. But having him stay in his apartment and be responsible for some of the bills and part of the rent, and have you stand firm on that when the lights get shut out, will teach him some life lessons that he needs. Because life happens to everyone, even those with depression. If his depression is so bad that he cannot work, there is SSI that he can try for if you are in the US. HE can talk to his doctors about that. It should come from him, not you. I would urge him to stay there and tell him his room is not available. Turn it into a craft or exercise room or an office, something for you. My mom turned my room into an office when I got married. My brother would take off for work for 9 mos at a time but leave all his stuff in his old room so he wasn't 'moved out', but wouldn't pay rent or storage, so my mom boxed all his stuff up, even his huge porn stash (embarrassed bro to no end, lol, esp with the boxes labelled in big letters on each side), got a storage unit for him, and sent him the bill. His rant about that was a riot to hear. I laughed and laughed. I was NOT the sympathetic sister he wanted that day, lol! Above all, do what feels right to YOU. Do what YOU can.I can suggest things, but I am not his mom and didn't raise him. I would drug test him if he came home, and if pot isn't legal, it wouldn't be in my home. I would call the cops regularly if I suspected him of using or having it in my home if it isn't legal. Also, please look into what MAOI's interact with. I know they are complex medicines. [/QUOTE]
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