Things said when difficult child is angry

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by iloveturtles, May 5, 2010.

  1. iloveturtles

    iloveturtles Guest

    Yesterday when difficult child was angry with me, I asked him if he wanted some food. He told me NO because I would poison him.

    Where does he come up with this stuff?

    He also says things like he thinks I wish he were gone. That he wished he never been born.

    Sometimes they are so ridiculous that I almost laugh.
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    I'm not so sure it's a laughing matter.

    It's common for kids with psychotic, distorted or delusional thinking to believe they will be poisoned.

    It's common for kids who are depressed to believe others want them never born, gone or dead.

    Definitely something to mention to your son's psychiatrist.
  3. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I agree with SW on this one. This does not sound like a mean kid to me. This sounds like a really hurting kid. Kids often express depression with anger and irritability.

    Have him seen by his psychiatrist. Get him evaluated if you haven't
    done so already.
  4. iloveturtles

    iloveturtles Guest

    Thank you for pointing it out. I was kind of looking at it like when my daughters would tell me they hate me when they were mad.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Another vote for not taking this lightly. I would certainly discuss it with his psychiatrist. If nothing else, it shows how he feels about himself, how he values himself. Which is pretty low, based on thinking others wish he wasn't born.

    Your sig says your doctor hasn't told you what your difficult child's diagnosis is. How does he qualify for an IEP and other services with-o a diagnosis? Often that diagnosis is a key that opens doors to services. Many diagnosis's can also lead you to information about what is going on and how to help your child. While not everything is wrapped up in a diagnosis, they certainly do open doors. You might want to push your psychiatrist to give you a diagnosis if for no other reason than to help get supports at school. Just a thought.

    in my opinion your difficult child has a lot going on inside and things he says while in meltdown mode can give insight on it. Sorry his is hurting so much he thinks his own mother would poison him and doesn't want him to have been born. I KNOW you wouldn't poison him and don't wish he hadn't been born, but he is hurting a whole lot and those things are clear indicators. Saying you think your mom would poison you is very different from saying you hate your mom. I can totally see how you might take it in that spirit as it is so far from what you would do, but in looking at it from a distance, it says a whole lot about how he feels about himself.

    It really hurts your mommy heart to think he believes what he says, doesn't it? I hope his psychiatrist and therapist can help with these feelings.
  6. iloveturtles

    iloveturtles Guest

    I am in the process of switching from the behavioral pediatrician dr. to a dr. that runs the therapeutic camp/program difficult child attends.

    difficult child qualified for his IEP under Emotional Disturbance - kind of a wide umbrella.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would also take it seriously. I lived across the street from a very successful man who thought his wife was poisoning him. They could never eat at home. Also, your son believes you wish he was never born. It's not the same as when a typical teen says "You hate me" or "I hate you." I'd get him re-evaluated.
  8. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    OK people, slap me down if I've got this wrong. But I would handle this with a bit of realty check.
    "When have I ever poisoned you? I don't recall even doing this accidentally; why would you be afraid I would do this? I certainly wouldn't choose to. I'm sorry you feel so afraid - how can I help you feel safe again?"

    Sometimes the cold light of day and reality can help a kid get a bit of balance back. But if the child really is having a break from reality, this probably won't work. You need to talk to the psychiatrist about this, I would telephone or send an email so this is logged and minuted.

  9. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    ILT, I understand your initial reaction to such off the top statements - I would do the same with wm's little "terms of endearments" for/toward me. It always brought a tear of pride to my eye. ;) Humor does help a stressful situation.

    I'm glad to hear that your difficult child is qualified for services ~ it's a good step in the right direction. Sounds like you're being a warrior mum & doing the right things for him.
  10. iloveturtles

    iloveturtles Guest

    Update: I spoke with his t doctor I guess is that's what she is (MFT) today and shared with her some of what has been said. She thought it might be useful information. She understood my thinking exactly. So I will be caring a small journal to write down such lovely things that he comes up with. So we can see what the pattern is or looks like. I trust her way more than the psychiatrist that we currently see.

    I guess now that he is settling down way more at home. I am beginning to notice other things that he does.

    Thank you again for giving me the light of reality.