It's been a while since I've been here... the reason is that things were going so good! difficult child started first grade this year, and made it until just about a month ago with no major issues! No principals office or anything... And starting about a month ago, things changed... I'm not 100% sure why, but they did and now they have been going down hill fast. He has been to the principals office every week since then. All times, it was for refusing to do his work. The past two weeks he has only been in school two days (last week we went on a cruise... I know, bad parents for taking them out of school) and then he came down with strep throat, so today was his first full day back in a while. We got a call towards day saying he refused to participate in a music class practice for the PTA program. Rewind a little: I asked him last night if he wanted to do it and he said "oh yes!!" so I filled out the form that said he did. Then this morning on the way to school, I started explaining to him just what I meant by "PTA program" and as soon as he figured out he would have to sing in front of a bunch of people, he said he didn't want to... he REALLY didn't want to. I understand typical stage fright, but he has other issues as well, and because of that I'm not going to make him perform in front of people... as much as I would like for him to. Anyway, I told him we would talk about it tonight. So, practice comes today and he refuses to practice, saying that he doesn't want to and he isn't doing the program anyway. That is what ended him up in the principals office today. Background: He was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety disorder after evaluations by the children's psychiatric group by us, and the school psychologist believes that he suffers from depression as well. Also he has a pretty significant speech delay, and is WAY behind in reading in school. We just had our last appointment on Tuesday, and the doctor pointed out that he is likely refusing to do his work because he CAN'T do it. She also switched his medications, taking him off Adderall and adding in Focalin XR. The prior medications made NO difference what so ever in his ability to concentrate. He also takes Intuniv at night. A little more background: last year, before any medication and his first year in school, he would regularly get in trouble for major tantrums, such as throwing chairs. When we started Intuniv his impulsiveness seemed to go down, but his ability to focus has not changed... It is only his third day on the Focalin, BUT yesterday I had him doing make up work at home and he seemed to be doing it much better than before... whereas before it would take him an hour to write ten words down, this time he managed to go through three worksheets in 45 minutes... progress!! Anyway, my question is this: I will have to look at his IEP to see what is on there already, but if necessary, can I request that they add something about optional participation in non academic stuff? Would that even be a good idea?? For a child with major self esteem issues and anxiety, I can understand why he isn't comfortable singing on a stage, even if it was just practice. And how do I know that it WAS nerves, and not outright defiance? It breaks my heart... I WANT him to do what all the other kids do, but should I push him into it? Should they? This wasn't normal music class either, it was a rehearsal. One of the things... the only noticeable change to his routine since the behavior problems started, is that his teacher has started making a consequence for him choosing not to participate in class time. So, if he refuses to do "carpet time", then he loses recess, or something like that. He doesn't get in trouble but he does lose a privilege. We both think he is getting frustrated because of that, and that is resulting in him lashing out at other times. I agree that he should have to participate in class work because he is SO far behind, but something like what he got in trouble for today....? **Just got a text from the husband saying that difficult child had a good day in class today, so that's something!!