Legally adopted since 3 makes him her father, bio or not. And I get his frustration and he is acting a bit immature in his anger, making little sense in refusing to spend on her a total of $200 on a plane ticket. He's stuck in his anger and it happens, to alot of good people. He maybe needs a reality check and return to adult thinking, in the form of a bit of "come back to sanity moment" via a stern talking to from his wife
. I'd gently but firmly remind him how much anohter year of her in the house is going to cost ($200 is nothing buddy). And how much his camping escape will cost (you know, his gas, food, beverages, etc, and of course when he returns relaxed from a weekend away he will understand completely that his wife deserves a break the next weekend and since you don't do camping in the woods, you require a nice hotel with ammenities, money for meals in restaurants 3 x's each day since you wont' have fire to cook on and of course money for entertainment given you don't have all those free nature activities to occupy you and relax you etc) HAHAHA!!
SOmething tells me that $200 for a plane ticket will sound good to him
I'd also remind him that moving out means destroying a marriage. Hello!! Not to mention finances beyond $200. Funding 2 homes, 2 lifestyles, and monthy child support for difficult child. Plus attorneys fees and splitting all savings and assets and pensions.
Reality check? Yup, probably a quick one
. Then I'd give him a big smooching kiss and tell him no worries honey, I saved us all THAT drama and sillyness, and the plane ticket is already bought and paid for and here are the flight details.
Seriously, all sillyness aside, it sounds like grandma's is a good option right now. And I agree, many difficult child's grow up and a great relationship ensues with the parents who loved them enough to let them do their thing when they were going to anyhow. Better her happy and your mom happy than you and her and your husband completely miserable. It isn't what you'd probably thought life with your daughter would be with at this stage, but I think at this stage what works best for everyone is better than what is working for nobody, even if it means letting go of that image in a mothers mind about the bond we all want with our teen daughters. I'm betting it will help you all long term, surely more than in fighting in the house with everyone will, and certainly more than a divorce and family wide break down would.
PS. This post could also be printed out and left somewhere obvious, say the top of the toilet paper roll for when husband next needs some reading material and is trapped in one spot with no option to walk away. I mean, like cereal boxes, we all just gotta read whats in front of us sometimes
I really do wish your family the best. Sometimes the tough choices are the ones that work best. This sounds tough (((hugs)))