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Thinking about the collateral damage
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 633310" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>PLEASE don't hate me for saying this...I don't remember the details. But, I recall in graduate school learning that for most teens the people that have the MOST influence over them are their peers. So, although it is ugly and seems unfair that parents don't want their kids around difficult children,GENERALLY SPEAKING, it probably isn't such a bad idea. This is because, depending on where the kid is in his or her development and other factors, his peer(s) could very well have an enormous influence on him, even if the parents and even he extended family are doing everything perfectly...and no family is perfect.</p><p></p><p>I recall a family I know well, who have a son that was always a wonderful child and a easy child. His older brother...total easy child. He had many friends, but got some new friends that included a few difficult children. Next thing we knew, he committed a crime (with the difficult children) It was an earth shattering shock. Such abnormal behavior. Thank goodness this particular child decided this type of behavior wasn't for him and never did anything even remotely like that again. But...it made the mom (and myself) wonder.</p><p></p><p>My own easy child son. Hmmmm. He was easy child all his life. Then, in high school, he met a difficult child girl. Yikes! I can't begin to tell you the complete turn around this kid did inside of three weeks. I use to joke that it was as if he was captured by Martians and they took ahold of his brain. I think it was a variety of issues that went wrong here....some issues with self esteem, not having experience with girls....etc. etc. etc. Even when they broke up, he turned into a difficult child. I was so shocked an saddened. I had to do tough love in a major way to get him back. Fortunately, he is easy child again today and doing very well. He has NO EXPLANATION for his crazy temporary mega difficult child behavior for that year.</p><p></p><p>So, true...parents can't helicopter around their kids and protect them from every little thing. Perhaps we should help them explore their interests so that they aren't tempted into inappropriate behaviors.</p><p></p><p>But, there is no doubt in my mind, and studies show it too, that teens (and surely children too) are extremely influenced by their peers.</p><p></p><p>So....I can't fully blame a parent for hesitating to want their children around difficult children on a regular basis.</p><p></p><p>I DO HOWEVER, FAULT parents who teach or encourage their children to be unkind or rude to difficult children EVER. That, in my book, is HORRIBLE.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 633310, member: 4152"] PLEASE don't hate me for saying this...I don't remember the details. But, I recall in graduate school learning that for most teens the people that have the MOST influence over them are their peers. So, although it is ugly and seems unfair that parents don't want their kids around difficult children,GENERALLY SPEAKING, it probably isn't such a bad idea. This is because, depending on where the kid is in his or her development and other factors, his peer(s) could very well have an enormous influence on him, even if the parents and even he extended family are doing everything perfectly...and no family is perfect. I recall a family I know well, who have a son that was always a wonderful child and a easy child. His older brother...total easy child. He had many friends, but got some new friends that included a few difficult children. Next thing we knew, he committed a crime (with the difficult children) It was an earth shattering shock. Such abnormal behavior. Thank goodness this particular child decided this type of behavior wasn't for him and never did anything even remotely like that again. But...it made the mom (and myself) wonder. My own easy child son. Hmmmm. He was easy child all his life. Then, in high school, he met a difficult child girl. Yikes! I can't begin to tell you the complete turn around this kid did inside of three weeks. I use to joke that it was as if he was captured by Martians and they took ahold of his brain. I think it was a variety of issues that went wrong here....some issues with self esteem, not having experience with girls....etc. etc. etc. Even when they broke up, he turned into a difficult child. I was so shocked an saddened. I had to do tough love in a major way to get him back. Fortunately, he is easy child again today and doing very well. He has NO EXPLANATION for his crazy temporary mega difficult child behavior for that year. So, true...parents can't helicopter around their kids and protect them from every little thing. Perhaps we should help them explore their interests so that they aren't tempted into inappropriate behaviors. But, there is no doubt in my mind, and studies show it too, that teens (and surely children too) are extremely influenced by their peers. So....I can't fully blame a parent for hesitating to want their children around difficult children on a regular basis. I DO HOWEVER, FAULT parents who teach or encourage their children to be unkind or rude to difficult children EVER. That, in my book, is HORRIBLE. [/QUOTE]
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