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thinking of all the mom's without their difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="ScentofCedar" data-source="post: 16658" data-attributes="member: 3353"><p>Hearthope, good morning! </p><p></p><p>I read through your information to learn how old your difficult child was. If I read it correctly, your son is eighteen? </p><p></p><p>He will be back, hearthope.</p><p></p><p>I am not sure how others of us will respond, but we learned that the times when the difficult child has been </p><p>forced to make a choice and, because of the chaotic nature of the situation, has found someone </p><p>to take him or her in ~ that is when the difficult child leaves home and stays away. </p><p></p><p>The time when he has truly hit the skids ~ that is when he will be back.</p><p></p><p>Use this time to strengthen yourself and to reconnect to your husband hearthope, if you can.</p><p></p><p>It helps me to make something about strength my mantra. There are so many things we don't have the energy for </p><p>while we are mourning one of our children. And to me, it always seemed worse when the chaos was over for a </p><p>little while and I could think about everything that had happened, and about where we all were in our lives and </p><p>how different that was than anything we had hoped or planned for. </p><p></p><p>We need to nurture ourselves as and when we can, hearthope, if we hope to survive intact.</p><p></p><p>Grieve your son's absence this morning, but force yourself to walk away </p><p>from it for a little while at some point today.</p><p></p><p>Put on something pretty tonight.</p><p></p><p>Even if you just stay home with husband, put on something pretty.</p><p></p><p>I always give myself a bright pedicure when I feel my worst. Try it. You get to think</p><p>about difficult child all you like while you are engaged in the grooming ritual? But once the nails are</p><p>dry, it is time to move past that.</p><p></p><p>Those pretty toenails always remind me that right now is not the time for grief.</p><p></p><p>Grieving is what we do when our nails are wet.</p><p></p><p>Sound foolish?</p><p></p><p>It works, hearthope.</p><p></p><p>If I am really angry? The polish is this deep, angry red.</p><p></p><p>But every time I see my own toes? It reminds me that I AM angry, and that I need to take care of myself.</p><p></p><p>Then, when I am happy, and the polish is bright, bright bright?</p><p></p><p>I feel so lucky.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry for your pain, hearthope.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ScentofCedar, post: 16658, member: 3353"] Hearthope, good morning! I read through your information to learn how old your difficult child was. If I read it correctly, your son is eighteen? He will be back, hearthope. I am not sure how others of us will respond, but we learned that the times when the difficult child has been forced to make a choice and, because of the chaotic nature of the situation, has found someone to take him or her in ~ that is when the difficult child leaves home and stays away. The time when he has truly hit the skids ~ that is when he will be back. Use this time to strengthen yourself and to reconnect to your husband hearthope, if you can. It helps me to make something about strength my mantra. There are so many things we don't have the energy for while we are mourning one of our children. And to me, it always seemed worse when the chaos was over for a little while and I could think about everything that had happened, and about where we all were in our lives and how different that was than anything we had hoped or planned for. We need to nurture ourselves as and when we can, hearthope, if we hope to survive intact. Grieve your son's absence this morning, but force yourself to walk away from it for a little while at some point today. Put on something pretty tonight. Even if you just stay home with husband, put on something pretty. I always give myself a bright pedicure when I feel my worst. Try it. You get to think about difficult child all you like while you are engaged in the grooming ritual? But once the nails are dry, it is time to move past that. Those pretty toenails always remind me that right now is not the time for grief. Grieving is what we do when our nails are wet. Sound foolish? It works, hearthope. If I am really angry? The polish is this deep, angry red. But every time I see my own toes? It reminds me that I AM angry, and that I need to take care of myself. Then, when I am happy, and the polish is bright, bright bright? I feel so lucky. I am sorry for your pain, hearthope. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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