Hair; shirt; frankly, I don't think it makes any difference. Besides, who says it was hahir? WHat does difficult child 1 say, when asked about this? A teacher who isn't really paying attention can't really be used as an expert witness in something like this. A kid who is defending himself can't be criticised if it's hair he pulls and not a shirt.
On the subject of kids hitting back even with extreme provocation - I always taught my boys to not hit back regardless, and only to defend themselves at most by pushing others away if it b ecame absolutely necessary. The reason - it's always the weird kid who is accused of being the aggressor, and I didn't want ANY chance that my kid would be accused of being the aggressor in any way. Even so, the other kids would try to say, "difficult child 3 started it," and without independent witnesses we couldn't prove anything, quite often. Until I began to replay what we had worked out - thanks to my indoctrination of non-violence, difficult child 3 never started ANYTHING physical and I had confidence in saying so.
However, in a recent incident with difficult child 3, when he was pointing a cap gun at some kids and firing it, I tore strips off him for it because although the gun was an obvious toy (fluoresecent pink and green, and clear plastic) andalthough he made no physical contact, it was an overtly aggressive act and if those boys had wanted to make trouble, it would have been sufficient for him to get charged with threatening behaviour. difficult child 3's only defence was that the boys were saying mean things to him. I know those boys; difficult child 3 was probably right. But he went to the carnival (where this happened) with that gun in his pocket, he went ready in case of perceived trouble, he wasn't going to let anyone walk over him.
It could be argued that our non-violence policy finally made him crack; or it could be argued that it's all that has kept him safe from prosecution so far.
The bullying problems, we have also. But thankfully not jocks vs nerds. Nerds in general do cop it a bit more, but some of them are able to hold their own verbally, and often that's what counts especially in high school. While we do have students who are very athletically capable, we don't have sporting scholarships or anything like it here. Not in the same way as you guys. Maybe that is why our jocks tend to not throw their weight around as much, they're not so much on a pedestal. The kids who tend to bully others here, are the ones who themselves have been bullied, or who for whatever reason feel a ned to drag others down to feel worse about themselves than the bullies do. Or the bullies want to eliminate anything and anyone whose very existence makes them feel uncomfortable. Hence the attack on anyone too different. Or the source of amusement caper, when they go for the kid whose reactions are most spectacular.
Any bully who is untouchable here, sometimes it's the high achievers who the school don't ant to admit are also a behaviour problem with younger students, but generally it's the students whose parents are either very scary, or very useful to the school. Which is just one more reason why I strongly recommend that if you have a problem difficult child and your main communication with the school is when you're cfalled up to meet the principal, then where you can, make yourself so useful to the school that they will bend over bakcwards to meet your requirements. If you're the person organising canteen duty, or always covering books in the library, then a teacher wanting to have a quiet informal word with you can quickly pop into the canteen (or library) and chat, often heading off larger problems at the pass.
Whatever is likely to work in your area... and there are many ways to be invaluable to your school, even if you work full-time. One parent I know is the one who rings around other companies and gets loads of stuff donated to the school for school carnival days.
HUman nature, it's the same the whole word over.
Marg