Okay everyone here is familiar with difficult child's everyone here knows what mental illness is the things it does what the wrong medications can do, I need some input. We were all born with difficult child's and have had to make the best of the situation, be their advocate when we could, help them through their trials all of that. I know many people here have had a difficult child spouse. Many people know some of what I have been going through with hubs. About 85-90% of the time he is good/ great. Good husband good dad, good step dad. He cooks, helps with the baby, cleans up when asked, feeds boyo breakfast when I am tied up with baby and honestly lately that is most of the time. Doesn't complain, tells me I'm beautiful daily. Doesn't give me hell when I am tired, is concerned for my welfare and if I am eating enough, should I take a nap, do I have a fever? Has supported my kids when my ex does not, doesn't make an issue about it. Many women would love a husband like this. What I mean by 85-90 percent of the time is maybe one day in two weeks he has trouble, he will be all of these Things the rest of the time. He was pretty decent all together for for about two months since the incident which was in February. medications were shaky at first, got good medications was decent man. They have been adjusting his medications over the past month or so they are decreasing seraquil and increasing the abilify because seraquil makes him go to sleep at 8pm or so. He has to take it at 6pm so he can make it to work by 6:30 and wake up in a timely fashion. He hates that part and by increasing abilify and weaning from seraquil they feel abilify will do the same job. He has been switching the medication for a month like I said and pretty solidly for three weeks I believe he has rarely been taking his seraquil, this is a guess not a known fact. We've had a couple of major blow ups about three times in the past three weeks. No violence just a lot of heated fighting and very bad words. He was removed from the house again today because we argued I left the house before it got to bad and he jumped in the car am followed me as I walked down the street, was loud and yelling on post in front of people. He says mean things to me and I have a real problem just keeping my mouth shut an letting in blow over because the things he says hurt, some of the decisions he makes are wrong ones . This argument we had today was over $10.00 or so we are extremely broke right this second and I had to pawn some jewelry a few days ago, not my wedding set or anything big but some things I have had for a pretty long time. I get in the car to go to the store for the first time in a few days and the car that I cleaned very recently was littered with 5hr energy drinks and goodies medicine powders. 5hr energy drinks are 2.50 at the store there were approximately 10 of them. I was a bit miffed because this is like 20.00 worth of energy drinks why in the hell am I pawning jewelry for energy drinks when I needed to go to the store and buy diaper wipes etc etc. I went inside and I asked him, calmly without being loud or mean really when and how he had money to buy all those drinks he said I told him he could buy some I said I had told him he could buy 1 I said I needed diaper wipes he said he didn't know about it at the time I said that was not true because I have said something for the past 4 days about needing them. He blew up and was losing it and I walked out the door with the baby to cool off and try not to say anything else. He followed me yelled at me going down the street, got out a couple of times and asked me to go home but he was still being mean so I kept walking. Cops were called etc etc. bad things are probably going to happen with his unit. I can't do anything about that. I feel responsible because I can't just keep my mouth shut I feel totally responsible because I feel like I treat him as a normal wife treats a normal husband and I forget that that isn't the case this was a small issue that should not have been blown out of proportion and I feel like its my fault. I love him and I know he loves me and I know because I've seen him a lot recently that the man I married lives in that skull. But I am at a loss. Is this worth it? This is so hard and so stressful and has been going on the whole journey since November the incident was in February that was the catalyst for getting help and a awful lot of great improvement over what life was like before the incident. So many people have such a hard time with detachment how and why am I putting myself through this willingly? Should I keep going or find a way to leave? I don't think he would continue to be mostly well if I left I think he would probably fall apart because he is trying to pull it together for our baby and our marriage and my kids. I want your honest thoughts and opinions and will not get offended..