I meant to title this "and Long", not "and L". I just hit the "send" button too fast. I had posted about L instigating yet another hopeless reunion on the Watercooler, but in thinking about this over the weekend, I realize that for me this is at least as much about L interfering again as it is about the totally broken relationship between me and my parents. So, I suppose PE is the better place for me to write about it. Our big falling out was about my parents essentially seeking out L when they were angry at me and using her teenage angst to bolster a fight between us into a full blown failure. For a few years there were lots of tearful calls from L about "how can you be so mean to grandma and grandpa? They're so wonderful!" There were also a very few calls between my parents and I where I would ask them to stop interfering with L & M, and their responses that "I can't help it if they hate you. You're a lousy parent. Nobody likes you." As hard as it was, I cut them completely out of my life. L would try to interfere from time to time, particularly surrounding my dad's (He Who Must Be Obeyed) birthday, or holidays. Usually celebrations that I wasn't invited to and L was. Of course there were also weddings, births, anniversaries, etc. The times that L would turn it around into "Why don't you just make up with them?" were always times when L had some major failure in her life relationships. Such as getting beat up by her boyfriend after being caught with her pants down with her boyfriend's best friend. Anyway, enough of that. This time, it was my dad's birthday. What is apparent is that they asked L how I was. Clearly in the way of "making conversation." L suggested we should all get together for dinner. They said "That would be nice." L told my mom privately that I was hurt that when I asked to go to Thanksgiving dinner at their house after 8 years and they told me "no". My mom was surprised that I would take that badly. Let's just say of all the upset with my family that still has the power to bring me to tears for days. Who exactly is it that they assume we celebrate holidays with? They invite my children, all of my siblings and their families are there. Who is it I am supposedly having my happy holidays with? I told L on Friday that she should stay out of it. I felt good about that. I figured if they hadn't called before, they weren't going to call now. Instead, she calls my mom and tells her I want her to call me. My mom called Saturday while we were out in the yard, and asked me to call her back. I didn't. I was - and am - really angry. This is so orchestrated by L. An unhappy failure orchestrated by L so that she can feel superior to me and try to lord it over me. I mean, I get it that she may (although I don't think she has the empathy to do so) and probably some of you think that I am making a mistake in not making up with these people. But even if I am making a mistake this is my mistake to make. I shouldn't be forced to revisit it twice a year. Anyway, in response to my mom's call, I reiterated to L that she was asked to stay out of it, and while I wasn't angry before as I was giving her the benefit of the doubt, now I had no doubt that she was just manipulating people for her own entertainment, and I was really mad. So, my mom calls again yesterday. This time I unplugged the phone before she could leave a message. Throughout my life, and also in these few instances where someone has forced contact with us, I have asked my mom 'Why do you want to see me?' 'Why do you say you love me?' or whatever the case is. Her answer is always the same: "Because you're my daughter." Am I the only one who thinks that reason is not good enough? Don't we all want to be wanted and loved for some reason other than biology? There has never been any action anywhere in this that L didn't have her fingerprints all over. It always ends with "I get along with you even though you haven't always been the best parent, why can't you even try?" Hmmm... I think her boyfriend is a lout who is terrible for her and that she is wasting her life. Somehow I have managed to never say a word about what I think she should do. I hate that I have to put up with this. This was not an easy decision. I sure as heck don't care what L thinks of it. I should be allowed to live in peace with it. If I'm going to rot in Hades or come back with them as parents again, that's my burden. And if my mom really wants to see me, she can give me a call when she has genuinely given it some thought. Not when L has goaded her into it. No matter what, though, I come out of it stinking like an ungrateful brat who wouldn't even see my 81 year old mother when she called. Or if I went it would be "when are you coming next time, but not for any holiday because you know you're not welcome."