welcometowitsend
Member
So difficult child called and wanted to meet for coffee. husband and I picked him up and took him out to a restaurant - bought him some food. Said he had no money - but was sporting a new haircut. Didn't give him any cash.
We were asking him how things were going. How did he like living with girlfriend. Oh just fine - he feels at home there now. Asked him how the meeting went with the youth worker at school. It went good. He has to go through a rigorous process to try and get welfare and hasn't decided what he is going to do yet. I told him that it was my understanding that the only way he was going to get welfare was if we refused to let him come home (in which case they can force us to pay support for him) or if he claims abuse. He is meeting him again next Friday.
We again told him we understood our part in this problem and asked if he understood his part? Wanted to know if he was ready to take ownership of anything he has done. Nope. He got disrespectful again, caused a scene in the restaurant and stormed out. Found a phone to call his girlfriend and had her brother come pick him up - amazing how he can use a phone to call them but could never do it to call me!
So, guess what he's doing? Claiming abuse! Now he is sending me emails saying we have both physically, verbally, emotionally and mentally abused him (2 so far tonight).
Says he started cutting himself because of all the pain we have caused him. I have seen him shirtless within the past 3 weeks (he's been gone for 2) - not a mark on him... and pant less within the last 4 weeks because he shaved his legs and wanted to know what I thought (he has a lot of leg hair for a kid his age and is embarrassed by it).
So, he might be cutting. If he is he has only just started doing it. A friend of mine let me know that her daughter was worried about him because he was talking about going 'emo' (this was many weeks ago) - not because he was sad or depressed but because his girlfriend thought it would be cool. Ugh. So, I will call the guidance counsellor at his school tomorrow and ask him what the options are when a kid says he is cutting. Maybe I can get him admitted to hospital for 72 hours if they think he is a danger to himself. Then I will call my family doctor and see what she says. Tell her or the hospital that his guidance counsellor and I suspect he could be bipolar.
difficult child says we haven't admitted any of our part in this problem and that we are blaming everything on him. Not true at all. We have admitted that we've made mistakes, handled things poorly on some occasions, said things we regret. Multiple times we have said this to him, including in writing. He doesn't want to hear it.
It is so painful to have him make these accusations against us. He is still saying IF I come home then this has to happen. He said that in one email and then in the next said he was afraid that if his father got angry he might kill him. Such bs!! On the one hand he says he will still consider coming home and on the other he is refusing to speak to his father, is calling him by his first name (because he doesn't deserve the title of Dad), and says he fears for his life? This is absolutely ridiculous.
Man, I hate the laws in this country. There may have been a time when 16 year olds were mature enough to make decisions for themselves but not anymore!
We were asking him how things were going. How did he like living with girlfriend. Oh just fine - he feels at home there now. Asked him how the meeting went with the youth worker at school. It went good. He has to go through a rigorous process to try and get welfare and hasn't decided what he is going to do yet. I told him that it was my understanding that the only way he was going to get welfare was if we refused to let him come home (in which case they can force us to pay support for him) or if he claims abuse. He is meeting him again next Friday.
We again told him we understood our part in this problem and asked if he understood his part? Wanted to know if he was ready to take ownership of anything he has done. Nope. He got disrespectful again, caused a scene in the restaurant and stormed out. Found a phone to call his girlfriend and had her brother come pick him up - amazing how he can use a phone to call them but could never do it to call me!
So, guess what he's doing? Claiming abuse! Now he is sending me emails saying we have both physically, verbally, emotionally and mentally abused him (2 so far tonight).
Says he started cutting himself because of all the pain we have caused him. I have seen him shirtless within the past 3 weeks (he's been gone for 2) - not a mark on him... and pant less within the last 4 weeks because he shaved his legs and wanted to know what I thought (he has a lot of leg hair for a kid his age and is embarrassed by it).
So, he might be cutting. If he is he has only just started doing it. A friend of mine let me know that her daughter was worried about him because he was talking about going 'emo' (this was many weeks ago) - not because he was sad or depressed but because his girlfriend thought it would be cool. Ugh. So, I will call the guidance counsellor at his school tomorrow and ask him what the options are when a kid says he is cutting. Maybe I can get him admitted to hospital for 72 hours if they think he is a danger to himself. Then I will call my family doctor and see what she says. Tell her or the hospital that his guidance counsellor and I suspect he could be bipolar.
difficult child says we haven't admitted any of our part in this problem and that we are blaming everything on him. Not true at all. We have admitted that we've made mistakes, handled things poorly on some occasions, said things we regret. Multiple times we have said this to him, including in writing. He doesn't want to hear it.
It is so painful to have him make these accusations against us. He is still saying IF I come home then this has to happen. He said that in one email and then in the next said he was afraid that if his father got angry he might kill him. Such bs!! On the one hand he says he will still consider coming home and on the other he is refusing to speak to his father, is calling him by his first name (because he doesn't deserve the title of Dad), and says he fears for his life? This is absolutely ridiculous.
Man, I hate the laws in this country. There may have been a time when 16 year olds were mature enough to make decisions for themselves but not anymore!