This made me so mad!

[Wiped Out]

difficult child got dropped off Friday as usual at my school. I was talking with someone and he was talking with my principal. I could tell he was telling her about something that happened during the day from her response. As they got down to my room difficult child went into my room and grabbed a small rubber ball and started bouncing it off the windows in the hallway. The friend I was talking with offered to go talk with him so I could run to the bathroom (she has her own difficult child). When I got over to them he was telling her a story and then told it to me. (He told me it was his worst day of high school ever-only been in hs 4 days-lol)

He explained calmly but said he was very upset. (A bit of a back story, difficult child had come home on Thursday super excited that he was getting a history text book the next day-our district doesn't have many texts before high school and even though he is reading no where near the level of the book he was SUPER excited). He said the aide in his history class wouldn't let him take home the text because difficult child was in Special Education. (He said this in front of other children.) He also told difficult child if he was really good for 5 weeks he could have bring the book home.

difficult child told the same story to all of us and I believe he is telling the truth (by the way, he said he was angry and that was why he was throwing the ball-still not acceptable but at least I understood). This infuriates me to no end. An aide should know better than to say something like this and in front of other kids no less! I know it was really bothering him, heck, it would bother me! When husband got to my school to pick us up he told him about it as well. As we were driving he brought it up several other times. He said he didn't want to be in Special Education any more, that he was the top reader in his reading class and the top math student in his math class (probably not true but even if it is he is reading at a first or second grade level and doing math at the same level). After a bit he changed what he was saying and kept repeating that he was in Special Education because he is so stupid.

It hurt so much to hear him say these things about himself. We tried to counteract what he was saying but he was stuck. The next morning it was still bothering him enough that he told his aunts.

husband and I are furious and will be writing a note and waiting for a response. GRRRRR

 

[TeDo]

I am so sorry Sharon. That is aweful! i will be curious to hear the response you get. What I usually get is that is NOT how it happened and difficult child is lying to me. They probably think "who is anyone going to believe?" What they don't seem to realize is that many of us have been through so much BS with SD's that we will believe our kids over them many times (at least I do). {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you and difficult child!

 

[tiredmommy]

I'm sorry, give difficult child a big hug for me. I think I would probably call an IEP meeting over this (and get a second set of books at home written in). He may be right, that just may be the worst day of high school.

 

[JJJ]

Grrr...I would insist that the teacher personally hand him the textbook today and tell him he gets to take it home, that the aide was wrong.

Special Education children cannot be forced to 'earn' what other children are simply given.

That aide should also apologize to difficult child. Just a simple "I am sorry." cause she'd probably mess up anything harder and try to blame it on difficult child.

 

[Fran]

It is infuriating. It undermines the strides that difficult child's work hard to achieve.
This behavior reinforces to me that difficult child's often are treated as "babies" and the adult lacks proper respect of the difficult child's struggle. This type of talk and attitude is denying difficult child his dignity and infantalizes(sp?) adolescent difficult child's.

 

[hearts and roses]

What a jerk! I'm so sad for difficult child and hiis being so upset by another's ignorance, a teacher no less, someone who should know better.

Along with a letter, I'd be making a phone call for immediate attention - before difficult child has to endure another moment in this person's presence.

Incidentally, as part of difficult child's IEP she was not required to carry texts back and forth from home because she often forgot them at home and then would be in class unprepared. Instead, if there was a section of the text to be read or worked on, the IEP mandated that the teacher would provide a copy for difficult child to take home. Another reason for this was due to the weight of difficult child's backpack - the combination of the weight and her shoulder shrugging tics caused her chronic back and neck pain and stiffness. Perhaps if the fear is that your difficult child may forget the text at home, this could be a meeting point - copying the portion of text to be used at home? I know that doesn't help difficult child's feelings being hurt, but it may be a compromise? Hugs to difficult child~

 

[susiestar]

I fully understand why difficult child is so angry and can't forget it. There is NO excuse for saying that in front of the other kids. "we have other arrangements for you, please see me after class" is the way that type of thing is handled. NOT "you are in Special Education so you don't get one".

This may, in all seriousness, be a breach of difficult child's right to privacy and other legal rights. It is time for you to jump all over the school with your army boots on - there is NO excuse for what they said to him, not a teacher, not an aide. When the office tells you that they can't control what an aide says in the heat of the moment, you tell them that they had better because they are responsible for any legal action that might come from her words. And privacy is one of difficult child's legal rights - being in sp ed does NOT give him fewer rights than other kids.

Seems like it is time for them to cough up a book for him to keep at home. So what if they don't have enough to do this for everyone - their budget issues are NOT your problem. (Yes, I do recognize reality, but I don't let budget issues be the reason to not give my kids what they need, Know what I mean??)

 

[hearts and roses]

Seems like it is time for them to cough up a book for him to keep at home.

difficult child's IEP was amended to this as well in HS. They can and will (if you make enough noise) give him a text to keep at home.

 

[Wiped Out]

Thanks everyone. We did receive a reply today from the case manager. She said that none of the kids (even regular ed) were allowed to take home the books. husband wrote her back thanking her for clarifying but letting her know we were still very concerned in how it was handled especially with the Special Education term being used as it was. As far as I know she did not reply yet to husband, however, difficult child did come into my school building in a much better mood telling me the aide had apologized to him.

It is still so infuriating. I work in this field and expect others in my profession to know how to treat children with respect and common decency!

Oh and somehow he came home with a text today!

 

[InsaneCdn]

Common decency, common courtesy and common sense have become rare commodities indeed.

 

[susiestar]

I cannot help but wonder WHY it is such a BFD to get a copy of the books to have at home for kids like ours? Someone in the new admin or different team of teachers that thank you has at the Middle school actually has a brain. They get home copies of a couple of their books. There is a classroom set, and kids don't carry them around. I asked about it and they said it dramatically lowered the number of lost books, of kids saying they left a book at school and then being let in to go to a locker and get it but actually just stealing things and vandalising, etc....

If it becomes a hassle to get a copy of any of the texts, or just another thing to have to do battle over, get difficult child to write down the ISBN number or go to the class and ask to see the book and write it down yourself. check www.abebooks.com. amazon marketplace and www.alibris.com and you may be able to get a copy for very little money. I just got a copy of a computer boo husband watned for $12.50 off amazon marketplace - most places had it used for $30-$40 and new for over $100. In past years I have used those sites to get copies of all the textbooks a kid needed for $30-$50 including shipping. Most were much nicer than the school's copies.