Here is a letter I just wrote to the latest place M is at. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hi T We have spoken several times about my son M who just arrived at E last Thur. I am currently needing some reassurance that Mis OK since I have had no communication since Thur. with him or with B, the counselor. I am under an amazing amount of stress, as my only sister just died in an accident a couple of months ago. Matthew, my only son, and me his only guardian for his 18 years, was then placed at TA Ranch where they realized last week that he could not stay because of his age. He was then transferred to your wilderness program. I really need to know and believe he is OK, somehow, as I feel, at this point, completely traumatized and as if I have not only lost my sister, but also my son. I know I need to write the impact letter as the first letter.........but I was just wondering how long that all takes to get to him, and then how long it takes for him write back to me. I guess I just really need to hear from him, just to know he is still there, and OK. And I guess I also need someone else to tell me how he is doing, etc. Can you help me with any of this? I don't really understand when I will hear from M, or about him - and I really, really need to be able to do that. ~~~~~~~~~~ I am finding myself in a really dangerous place. Split from me, my identity, my soul. I wander mostly when I am at home, and when I am work I am angry and unhappy that I have to work for such a stupid company. H is dead, M is gone, my parents have been gone from a month, and I feel like I am slipping down into a far away distant place - far away from where my soul usually lives. I need a touch, a hug, a letter, a phone call - some reassurance that M is alive, because now I feel like M and H are one. And I want to quit my job and never return. ever. 3 times in a week I almost have, except I am so worried about the economy and that if I quit I will end up poor and end the streets. Oh well, then I would just wander to Utah, and start over. I just got an email asking me what M's favorite birthday cake is, so the wilderness team can celebrate his 18th birthday with him in a week. Now I really can't stop crying. I can't send presents, or even talk to him. Thanks for listening. I am going to work to enjoy the repetition of doing their mind numb tasks, with out any appreciation or recognition for being their grunt. I know, where is my freaking violin. I sure need one today.