This really disturbed me

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by witzend, Feb 18, 2011.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    You know what? This just bothers me no end. because you know what? 3 hours, 3 months... There is a REASON I sleep with the door locked.
  3. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow. I just don't even have words. How horrifying. The ending quote from him .. about missing his mom because she was the only one who cared about him... somehow that added to the horror for me. It shows the conflicting emotions so many of our difficult children feel.
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    There was a long stretch of time when I didn't sleep at night, for this very possibility. None of the interior doors in our house close properly, let alone lock. I would wait until everyone was out of the house, then basically pass out.
  5. Bean

    Bean Member

    That is chilling.
  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Since we moved downstairs, not only can I hear people coming down the stairs, but my door makes a ton of noise. When it's UNlocked. I've already woken up to Jett just walking in - and he was trying not to make noise, he wanted the dog...
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    This type of thing is exactly why I had to insist that Wiz not live with us. Not only would one or more of us be dead, but he would have to bear that guilt for the rest of his life - NOT something I want for my son.

    We fought a long time to get to a place wehre he was able to make safe choices that were well thought out. To my dismay he was not able to do that while living with us, for whatever reason. It was heartbreaking but not nearly as heartbroken as burying a family member and having a child who made that happen.

    The entire situation is just so sad. Even worse is the way the system handles our kids - basically they leave it up to us unless the child breaks a law - then they come after us instead of the child. If we spent a small % of what we are spending on either the war on drugs or the war in Irag we could truly help kids with problems.
  8. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Wow. I just don't even have words. How horrifying. The ending quote from him .. about missing his mom because she was the only one who cared about him... somehow that added to the horror for me. It shows the conflicting emotions so many of our difficult children feel.

    Took the words right out of my mouth, crazy. When I first moved to this community (looonnnng time ago), there had just been a case where the adopted daughter (18 at the time) of a couple shot them and burned the house down. Her reason? They wouldn't give her and her boyfriend money so they could live together.

  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I will never ever forget the fear that I felt for the two weeks that I couldn't find my 9" chef's knife. I knew M had it to use on me if I came out of the bedroom at night to tell him to stop playing computer and go to bed. He finally 'fessed up with some horribly lame story. All I could do was let it pass. A therapist finally told him it was a BS story and it was not ever going to be ok to have those kinds of thoughts. He still didn't get it. I don't know if he gets it now. It just terrifies me.
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Deeply disturbing on every level.

    I see things like these and I think to myself, while we may live in very high tech advanced times.........somewhere along the way we lost something very basic and important.
  11. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Oh so true, hound dog.
  12. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    ...And there are those - in real life - who don't understand why I sleep with my door locked.
  13. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    That was sobering. From the time I was 12 till I was in law school and my sister left home to get married at 18, I slept with a knife under my pillow. From 12 to 16, I slept behind a locked door from fear of my sister. I don't know how I survived life with her.
  14. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I remember reading a commentary on our society not too long ago; the article said that 100 years ago, if there was a murder, child abduction, or another similar crime, they got the community together and searched for the stranger in town. Now, they look at your closest family members for the suspects.

    Chilling, indeed. Lisa's absolutely right; we have lost something somewhere along the way.
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I agree with Lisa. At least i do not feel so alone for being the only person to be afraid of a family member. I was terrified of gfgbro while we were growing up, esp after he hit age 12 and started drinking and using. As a teen myself I actually had a plan to kill him if he went to a certain type of abuse again. I hope I would not have gone through it - I know having the plan hurt me badly because I felt so alone because even my parents thought I was "over reacting" based on the lies he told to them. I honestly think I would have done it if he had tried a few specific things after that point. He sure threatened me wtih them, but he had a few "wake up to Jesus" moments when I would go into his room after he had raged and hurt me and I would beat him until he woke up to prove the he was vulnerable too and he better think LOOOOOOOONG and HARD before he tried again. My dad showed me how to pick locks and I even got into his room that way at one point (my dad then took the lock off his room because it was not allowed for us to lock my parents out of any part of the home they paid for) and assaulted him. he never told my folks and I think I only did it twice but it made an impression when I did.

    Just doing that was so hard and so upsetting for me, I HATED doing it but I was terrifeid if I didn't stand up I would be dead because my parents were not going to stop him - ever. I spent a number of years writing other people's term papers to pay for the theray I needed in college so that I could cope with all of it.

    That kind of childhood is a major reason that Wiz got help so early, and that Jess did too (thank you also, but to a lesser extent because he is 8 yrs younger than Wiz and Wiz didn't pick on him much). I saw so much of gfgbro in Wiz and did NOT want his future to be like gfgbros.

    We have lost a lot with the advent of all of our technology. Gained from it, but not without a very high price.
  16. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Back then it's not that strangers did it more, it's that no one wanted to think the family would do that to it's own. The number of solved murders is down because more are committed by strangers now, but the vast majority are still committed by someone known to the victim.
  17. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Well that answered a lot of questions for us. Now we're definitely getting a Wii.
  18. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Star...that is priceless. I think that settled it for me too. Definitely a Wii.

    Like some of the comments said on there, I do think we have empowered kids a bit too much. Why on earth is "because I said so" a bad thing? Now they teach kids in pre-k and kindergarten that parents dont have the right to so much as spank them and if they do, here is the number for 911 and please call and tell them mommy or daddy is abusing you. I might as well program CPS's phone number into a walkie talkie for Keyana because she is constantly gonna tell on one of us every time we dont do something she wants us to do. She just doesnt know who she is gonna tell. Eventually school is going to give her that info and we are done for. Or she is because I will quickly remind her where all good things stem.
  19. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    It is so sad that so many of us live with that fear. One of Kanga's tdocs added a goal to her treatment team that "family will decrease fear of Kanga". Why? so it is easier for her to kill us?
  20. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    You said it, JJJ...

    In fact, I shared this article with husband. We discussed that basically, there but for the grace...

    And then, husband tried to finish the conversation by saying "Don't worry. I'll protect you."

    Well, doesn't anyone see anything wrong with that statement? I'm not supposed to worry because husband will protect me???

    How about not worrying that my child is going to try to kill me while I sleep - because her angry rages are no longer a problem? Isn't that the solution we should be looking for?