This Whole Thing Is So Messed Up

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Oct 14, 2011.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    OK - so difficult child spent last night at the home of a guy friend (never met nothing about him)...

    We know this because she sent a text that read: If you care, I'm at X's house. I'm sleeping in his sister's room. The # is xxx-xxxx. It is very unusual for difficult child to text and let us know where she I'm thinking a parent encouraged her to text us.

    The BA was supposed to pick difficult child up from school today - so we called and gave her a "heads up" about what's going on...

    BA called her Supervisor...

    Supervisor called Idiot Caseworker...

    Idiot Caseworker called me...

    And informed me that now that difficult child is living away from home - she no longer qualifies for any services, so Behavior and Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) services are cancelled. What? Just like that? Yep - just like that. Although Idiot Caseworker did tell me that she would ask her Supervisor whether there were any services for families in crisis - but she didn't think so.

    AND Idiot Caseworker turned in her I won't be hearing from her again.

    So - that's it.

    We are on our own with this one. difficult child is at some guy's house. Legally we are still responsible for her. husband is madder than a wet hornet. I'm feeling....I don't even know - lost, confused, upset, frustrated...

    And what happens next?

    I don't have the slightest idea what to do.

    Does anyone have any suggestions?

    What are our options here?
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    1) follow up with Supervisor directly... and everyone else up the tree. You've been asking for "services for families in crisis" for HOW many years now? And yes, THAT is the correct phrase.

    2) She is NOT living away from home. She spent ONE night at someone else's place. As far as I know, she still lives at your home... all her stuff is there, all her benefits (ins etc.) come from there. She is NOT "emancipated". Therefore...

    Idiot Caseworker probably saw the handwriting on the wall and resigned... as in, this case is WAY worse than anyone "noticed"...

    When stuff like this happens, there are so many emotions going through you at once, that you feel like you've been run over by a truck.


  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Yes - that is how I responded...but it sounded like it didn't make any difference. Services had already been canceled.

    That's what I figured, too...
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    THAT sounds like they are just waiting for any excuse to NOT provide services.

    Lawyer time??

    Sorry, DF. It didn't need to go this way. (head-banging)
    You've known for a long time that Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was needed... and other crisis services.
    But nobody will tell you how to get them. Or where.

    I'm assuming you're keeping a detailed journal? 'Cause the lawyer or anyone else who can intervene, is gonna need it.

  5. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    The censor won't let me post what I am thinking.

    I would send them a certified letter stating that difficult child is still living at home, that under state law she must live where you tell her to live and that is at your home. I would demand that services continue and that it the county was unable to provide appropriate community based services that you are willing to allow them to fund a crisis placement at a residential facility.
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    This is just stupid stupid stupid. These folks are really letting this kid and your family fall thru the cracks. It is unthinkable. I am so sorry for you having to deal with these idiots. I am usually pretty diplomatic but this is way past my patience limit. SOOOO sorry for you guys and for difficult child.

    re read my post and really you were pushed thru the cracks, off a bridge and into a river.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Like JJJ I am floored. If every kid who spent the night away from home is emancipated...or gosh forbid...then a member of another family? Heaven help us!

    Oh gosh...I just thought of something. It may be that this is actually possible in SC. They have some strange laws down there. In SC if a man and woman even sign into a motel as Mr and Mrs Joe Blow (using the real names), they are considered common law married and it only takes one night and it will follow you to any state. Im sure there are tons of people who are guilty of bigamy but have no idea!
  8. keista

    keista New Member

    Ditto what everyone else said. EVEN if she lives away from home, as in like going to college, or in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), or even a friend's house, by law she is still living in your home. You can even ask the IRS!
    :choir: At least something good came out of this!
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'd call DSS and talk to a super to ask some of these questions. TG idiot caseworker is resigning. It appalls me how some will jump at any excuse they can to drop services but their whole job is to make use of services available so they don't lose funding for them. There were services available to my difficult child that he couldn't get because the right person never recommended them. Document this stuff and stay on the phone or whatever you have to to make sure you aren't dropped off radar again, like when Ms Ally quit and said difficult child didn't need anything more. Remember, idiot caseworker has a super somewhere, too.
  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Could idiot caseworker just have been a stupid puppet all this time? Is that why she was so clueless and had to wait to schedule things so she could run everything by dumb a** supervisors? (wow, my potty mouth is on, maybe I am catching my difficult child's verbal runny poop). Maybe she just got fed up at this last straw....just wondering, it is so hard to believe someone could be that stupid but I know she could be...

    So, is there a way you can just show up and throw a fit? I did that one time when MA lost a script for seizure medications...they said they all come in by fax and can end up on anyone's desk (it was an over-ride for name brand medication)....he had been on it for over a year and would have ended up in the hospital and I had been working on it for over a week with them. No one could tell me anything because I was not the doctor, HUH? so my doctor called, had nurse refuse to hang up (it took two hours) and I drove over there! We got the script. I hate getting the run around. This is so beyond beyond that our warrior crawl needs to head to your town first!
  11. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    I'm actually speechless! They are so absurd past the point of ridiculousness.

    I don't have any sage advice because my jaw is still on the floor but lots of ((hugs)) and some spare warrior mom gear :hammer:
  12. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Oh my word. Is there anyway to sue all of them for the money difficult child will need for adult services since she closer to 18 than not? When/if she consents to treatment? Your basis could be that if they had been doing their jobs she wouldn't need as many adult services now because she'd have gotten services when younger. You'd need a very good lawyer to make that one fly though.
  13. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    And I found something out today...

    In my state, there is a case for TPR based on child abandonment. "Child Abandonment" is defined as 'parents leaving their minor child without making any arrangements for care'.

    When husband made difficult child leave over the summer - Ms Ally was aware of the whole thing. We did not make any "arrangements for care". husband threw her out the door without even any shoes. Ms Ally never reported us as "abondoning our child". Instead - she reported that things were FINE. No problems whatsoever at our house.

    Now this time - BA makes no report. Her Supervisor makes no report. Idiot Caseworker makes no report. Caseworker's Supervisor makes no report. Instead - our case has simply been "closed". The end. No more services required.

    Despite all of the hospitalizations - the phosps simply referred us back to County MH's psychiatrist. Go there - we cannot help you.

    There is no psychiatrist at County MH - he retired. No permanent replacement has been made. So no one is supervising difficult child's case.

    In a very real sense - we have been 'pulling on the fire alarm' - and NO ONE is coming.

    Yep. Shoved through the cracks.

    So...I guess our options come down to:

    1) Do nothing...and see what happens
    2) Get ourselves in trouble by making a stink with DSS and law enforcement (with option 2 - IF the child is found to indeed be "troubled"...they are sentenced to House Arrest and remanded to parent custody. Whereas, if parents are found to be flakes who deserted their child - the child is placed under the care of DSS.)
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    DF....I still have something in my copy paste and I am going to just paste it here. Its the child team stuff from NC. I was looking it up for someone else. I have no idea why it would be any different for SC than NC but if it is, I would ask your idiot caseworkers supervisor if they want you to plant a sign at the border. And call the news.

    Child Services System of Care is a philosophy and foundation which defines how to provide services to children and families with the best possible outcomes. It creates the standard for best practice in children's mental health. It is based on some of the following beliefs for providing services:

    • Family and child centered
    • Based on family strengths
    • Plans and services are family driven
    • Services are provided in the least restrictive settings
    • Respect for and culturally appropriate
    • Provided in child's home and local community settings
    • Clinically appropriate and adhere to best practice standards
    • Work collaboratively with multiple human service agencies involved with the family
    • Children, their families and community supports (both formal and informal) are equal and integral partners and a team that respects, listens and works together to accomplish goals.
    • Builds on family and community supports for resources to accomplish goals
    • Builds on natural support systems for the children and families
    • Focus on safety and success for child and family at home, school and community
    Core values and guiding principles for System of care were developed in 1986 (Stroul & Friedman) to support the federal Child and Adolescent Service System Program (CASSP). They are:

    • The System of Care should be child-centered and family-focused, with the needs of the child and family dictating the types and mix of service provided.
    • The System of Care should be community based, with the locus of services as well as management and decision-making responsibility resting at the community level.
    • The System of Care should be culturally competent, with agencies, programs, and services that are representative to the cultural, racial, and ethnic differences of the populations they service.

    1. Children with emotional disturbances should have access to a comprehensive array of services that address the child's physical, emotional, social, and educational needs.
    2. Children with emotional disturbances should receive individualized services in accordance with the unique needs and potential of each child and guided by an individualized service plan.
    3. Children with emotional disturbances should receive services within the least restrictive, most normative environment that is clinically appropriate.
    4. The families and surrogate families of children with emotional disturbances should be full participants in all aspects of the planning and delivery of services. Children with emotional disturabcnes should receive services that are integrate, with linkages between child-serving agencies and programs, and mechanisms for planning, developing and coordinating services.
    5. Children with emotional disturbances should be provided with case management or similar mechanisms to ensure that multiple services are delivered in a coordinated and therapeutic manner and that they can move through the system of services in accordance with their changing needs.
    6. Early identification and intervention for children with emotional disturbances should be promoted by the System of Care in order to enhance the likelihood of positive outcomes.
    7. Children with emotional disturbances should be ensured smooth transitions to the adult service system as they reach maturity.
    8. The rights of children with emotional disturbances should be protected, and effective advocacy efforts for children and youth with emotional disturbances should be promoted.
    9. Children with emotional disturbances should receive srevice without regard to race, religion, national origin, sex, physical disability, or other characteristics, and services should be sensitive, and responsive to cultural differences and special needs.
    Care Review is a sub-committee of the xxx County Local Collaborative. The Care Review Team is comprised of representation from multiple systems including: Department of Social Services, Department of Juvenile Justice, Guardian ad Litem, xxx County Schools, the xxx Center LME, and LME/PSO Providers, Community Mental Health Providers and Family Representation.
    Care Review is committed to following System of Care Principles, working with Child and Family Teams to help ensure systems issues that are barriers to families receiving appropriate services are being addressed. The primary goal of Care Review is Better Outcomes for Children and Their Families.
    What Does Care Review Offer?

      • Opportunity for the Child and Family Team to obtain and share additional information about resources
      • Opportunity to better understand the mandates and resources of multiple systems
      • Opportunity to get another perspective on the situation and create additional solutions
      • Opportunity to share what is working in the System of Care and what are the ongoing barriers
      • Opportunity to help the Care Review Team provide input to the Local Collaborative on system issues and what needs to be addressed at a local community service level
      • The Care Review is not a vehicle for crisis placement, but will work proactively with teams to address crisis situations.
    Who is Eligible for Care Review Participation?
    A Child/Youth and Family Team plan is eligible for presentation to Care Review when the following criteria have been met:

    • The individual for whom the plan was developed meets Mental Health/daughter/SAS target population criteria and is involved in multiple systems
    • The individual is under the age of 22 years old
    • The Child and Family Team members have been participants in their Child and Family Teams and are invited to attend
    • All Wright School and Whittaker School referrals
    • All out of state placements
  15. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    The stuff I have here is very, very similar - with one HUGE exception.

    It has a clause detailing the reasons a child will no longer qualify for any of the services - and one of those is the child leaves the home, whether runaway or other. The other reasons are child reaches 18 - child is deemed to no longer be disturbed - parents request to be withdrawn from the program.
  16. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    OK, call me a nut if you want, but this is a widespread problem across our country and it's not going to change until it reaches a political level, in my humble opinion. If parents were willing to ban together and become an activist force, we might have a way to have a voice heard.

    Last night on tv, NG said "she got her feet wet in juvie courts". This is the whole problem- the people being hired to deal with minors/juveniles' problems are not much older than juveniles themselves. The little funding there is is being used for training these people. I could go on and on but won't because I don't want to become too politiccal, but I swear I think this is where the problem lies. Right now in our society, our kids are at the bottom of the list of importance.
  17. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Considering how many difficult children do runaway at least once, that seems an easy for them on most services. What a crock of ****. Try NAMI for an advocate AND attorney. I know you don't want media attention, but do you have a friend that can pose as a reporter or something similar?
  18. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    OK - TWO major problems - because you got burned on another one of these on the last round...

    - child reaches 18... well, OK, kinda get that one...
    - parents request to withdraw... have to have some allowance for this, but gotta prove it is PARENTS and not somebody else faking documentation.

    But... "child is deemed to no longer be disturbed" - deemed by WHO? Obviously, that was Ms Ally's call, right?
    And then the "runaway" thing... URGK. Child running = major crisis = needs help. THAT's a reason to withdraw services???

    (In know. Its insane. More insane than anything I've had to deal with. And I've seen way more than my share.)

    Yes, its a "change from the top" thing - but that takes way TOO long.

    Help! Double-Help! Crisis! but there is no 911 for fixing systems...

  19. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    There are ways to involve the media without exposing names and faces... you can be an "inside source" and provide info... that someone else can then start pushing on...

    I wouldn't want to be the FACE of the issue, but I'd gladly have been the "un-named inside source"... if I could have found the right media to approach I might have.
  20. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Yes, but the unnamed source route wouldn't get her difficult child services... looking like a reporter or biographer is writing specifically about her struggles with difficult child (and exposing the system for the failure it is) just might light a fire under some butts is how I was thinking.