sorry i'm on this so much lately. yet we can't afford therapy for me we gotta save as much as we can for the hotel, and i spent a bit of money on easy child since home with going out to eat. trying to make her feel special, etc. difficult child didn't eat tonight. she's back on solids. she missed visitation with-her father. she has no cell phone, no labtop, no ipod, no nothing. just herself and her thoughts. way i see it this will either break her phobia somewhat or break her. she's super medicated so i don't know what they'll give her if she has panic attack. i just keep telling myself this will turn soon, soon it will begin to be on the road to recovery. tomorrow is the 9th day there. each day seems like an eternity to me as i'm sure it does for her. i am literally mustering every ounce of strength i have not to go there and grab her out. me and myself are fighting right now a whole lot. i know the logical me will win. yet the thought of her at only 11 sitting there crying, lost, etc. without any communication to me at all is frightening to her and me also. how will she cope with this all of this? i'm trying to leave nurses alone i think ex h hassled them alot tonight. i know in my heart if i was there they would of let me in, my approach is much calmer and more sane. i purposely stayed away tonight. tmrw i go back to the hotel.