If I had a dollar for the nasty things said about my difficult child, now 20 years old. Especially from his paternal family. Oh my, the jabs about his education (he loathed authority and hated school but would test as gifted, super intelligent and learns well when motivated). How he'd never amount to anything. Had me convinced nearly he'd be in jail before adulthood. On and on it went. I heard every attack on every parenting approach I ever tried, which was pretty much every one that people can imagine trying because I was not willing to give up so when one approach failed, I moved on to the next and so on. I heard how I was too strict. I was too lenient. I was to authoritative. I was too much is "friend". I couldn't possibly be all of those contradictory things. I lived in such pain from those comments for a long time and allowed them to undermine my confidence that I was doing the best job that I could possibly be. I even had a therapist tell me FINALLY it wasn't me, it was difficult child who refused to be parented and until that changed, he'd continue doing what he wanted how he wanted when he wanted. That therapist was so right.
I am disappointed that my difficult child dropped out of school just after his 18th birthday. He had never had a job, was never doing things helpful in the home. I was just grateful he showed respect for the years leading to his move out, that we could love and live as a family again. But school meant a lot to me. I wanted him to finish it more than anything and remain disappointed that he didn't.
However, this kid with no job experience and zero life skills, did several things. In the week prior to moving out, he got his social insurance number FINALLY, his drivers license that he didn't are about before. Opened his first ever bank account. Dealt with moving health insurance to a different province. He stepped up for himself because the condition of my support of him moving across the country and dropping out of school was that he make it happen for himself and do it right. Take those adult steps.
He began working in produce at a grocery store. Moved to assistant produce manager quickly and then produce manager. Acting store manager for many shifts (large store). He learned inventory, how to do the orders, shipping and receiving, he oversaw employees who worked under him. He learned the skills to be a darn good merchandiser. The list went on. He left that particular store to work for corporate for the chain (largest food company in the country). He traveled to new build locations, did merchandising and layout and trained new managers and staff before grand openings. Quite a ton of accomplishment for a kid in 2 short years.
He bought a house with his girlfriend. Put a new deck, a new roof, other house stuff. Broke up with her, moved to a new city into a high rise apartment and enjoyed his new position traveling all over.
Anybody telling you or your daughter that she is some write off because she struggles now? Ignore them, and in your mind, picture them with their heads up their butts. They don't know the future any more than we do. They also never understand the love and efforts of parents like all of us, who infuse our children with the confidence that may take them a while to find, but they will remember as they get older that we instilled in them.
Your daughter has every ability to thrive as an adult and make her dreams come true. If it takes longer, or a different path, or much support? It is no matter. She can achieve. I am sad that she has such negative nelly's around her apparently. I'm glad you can uplift her. They say for every bad message it takes numerous good ones to overcome the bad one.
I don't know anything about iPhones. Nothing. And mine took a swim tonight anyway...
