I'm sory, I've got to put this in writing, so i dont start screaming it instead. It's been a HORRIBLE week. I'm exhausted, tired and just plain lost! My son is making it so hard for me to 'like' him right now. I love him with all my heart, but there are days I wonder where he came from. I'm trying to figure out where I went wrong. What I did etc.... I know I screwed up somewhere, but for the life of me, I can't fugure it out. I'm a stay at home mom to 4. My oldest just went off to college and my youngest is 5 yrs old. MY difficult child is my 11 yr old. About a year ago, he started getting hit hard with grand mal seizures. After MRI's, EEG's etc...we were told that even when we are not seeing seizures physically on the outside, the eeg shows them occuring every few seconds. Mind you, he goes about his business anyway. So they put him on medications along with a referral to psychiatry. That came about because with the first medication (diazapam), came these insane mood swings! (Got inot an arguement for the doctor about that one). I love it when they assume there are problems at home, when in fact your childs behavior changed at the exact same time that they gave him his first drug! So we went through a series of questions that I HAVE NEVER been asked before and my answers were....no, we've never used drugs, no we do not drink, no, my baby weighed 10lbs at birth and came right home, no, there's no abuse in the home. yes, we are still married. yes, my husband is my childs biological father. No, he's never had ONE SINGLE INCIDENT UNTIL YOU GAVE HIM THIS DRUG! To which the doctor replies" Well, the odds of a medication causing crying spells, irritability, mood swings, anger, throwing stuff, raging, laughing etccc, are slim to NONE!" To which I REPLY" Well then how come the pill box lists those things as SIDE EFFECTS!" And of course, the response to that was ...."Why don't you leave the diagnosis to us!" Anyway, I'm just so annoyed, as it took my kid almost TWO hours to get out of bed this morning for school....which has become a regular thing. Fought with me tootha and nail. Cried through and hour or two of homework, because he's having trouble focusing on the sheet of paper in front of him and can't hold a pencil because his hand is numb thanks to yet another seizure and force feeding him 6 pills at a time (Lamictal, diazapam etc...) while he constantly asks if he's going to die, because the stupid doctor had to tell us IN FRONT OF OUR CHILD, that he is at risk for SUDEP, due to the fact that he stops breathing during his seizures AND thanks to the doctor, my child now knows that when he stops breathing we'll be shoving a syringe into his rectum to snap him out of it...and oh yah...that drug can also cause respiratory failure.... AND these MORONS want to know why my child is upset...hmmmmmm....I wonder?????